SUFFERING IN SILENCE

MerryMagdalene

How many of you tend to suffer through your heartaches, worries, illnesses, or anything else that gets you down----ALONE----while wishing that you could reach out for a little reassurance, validation, affection like you see "others" do???

I only ask because ever since I was a kid that has been my tendency and, even though I am not suffering anything right now, I can't help but think of those who are.

Why do we do it? Are we afraid of what people will think of us? Afraid we'll seem weak or ridiculous? Afraid no one will really care? Afraid we don't belong? Afraid we don't deserve attention? Afraid we won't know what to do with it once we get it? Afraid people will actually INvalidate us and try to change us? (that was often my fear, growing up in an organisation that would rather force change upon you than just be there for you through your changes)

I applaud those I see reaching out on this forum for support, advice, understanding, acceptance, and I love seeing them get it ! ! !

I encourage anyone who is suffering in silence (including those "lurking" here who are afraid to join or post) to reach out, speak up, let us know. Even if you don't want to tell us what's wrong, just tell us you need a kind word or a cyber-hug. Someone is waiting to respond with caring. Someone understands where you are coming from. You don't have to be alone. So give it a go...

~Merry

Soledad

Why do we do it? Are we afraid of what people will think of us? Afraid we'll seem weak or ridiculous? Afraid no one will really care? Afraid we don't belong? Afraid we don't deserve attention? Afraid we won't know what to do with it once we get it? Afraid people will actually INvalidate us and try to change us? (that was often my fear, growing up in an organisation that would rather force change upon you than just be there for you through your changes)

Yes to all of the above. A direct result of many years of mental programming. As witnesses we were supposed to pray for guidance, study more, do more field service or just "wait on Jehovah." This is still something I have to work on.

prophecor

It doesn't have to hurt as bad as you let it. No one even have need of knowing who you are.

You can be annonymous, as invisible as you choose. The pain need not to continue.

candidlynuts

i'm like that too.. as a jw, you dotn have options.. you do what your supposed to do, if your having problems, do MORE MORE MORE!

so you learn early not to open up to anyone about things.

this forum has been a big help to me and having a couple of " real life" friends also has been a life saver for me.

MerryMagdalene

As witnesses we were supposed to pray for guidance, study more, do more field service or just "wait on Jehovah." This is still something I have to work on.

and

as a jw, you dotn have options.. you do what your supposed to do, if your having problems, do MORE MORE MORE!

I tend to agree with these comments but have also observed that the Society's influence can have a much stronger and more openly negative impact on certain types of personalities (like mine).

Growing up, I could observe my JW cousins asking questions, asking for help, reaching out, fitting in. They all seem to be happy, well-adjusted, adult JWs now...and yet, for all I know, they may be harbouring secret doubts, fears, and sorrows that they just don't dare express. I have seen that with others who seemed to have the perfect life then finally broke down and opened up about all that was really wrong.

~Merry

delilah

Hi Merry...I was forced to stop and read your post, and really ask myself these same questions. I guess I've always kept things to myself, as I didn't want to appear helpless, or weak. That I wasn't strong enough to figure things out for myself. I did/do a lot of things on my own, and I don't ask for help, but yet I'm always there to help others. Whenever I felt down, or things were really going rough, I'd keep to myself and work it out, then I was able to help someone else who was in need. My grandmothers and my mom were/are the same way....it's crazy really, because it does us harm, I think, to not seek help, and just harbour things. Down the road it can erupt into something so big, when it didn't need to. So, slowly, I'm trying to ask for help when I really need it, but it's not easy to do after all these years.

Delilah

Sad emo

Yes, this is so me. I just don't have anyone that I feel I can confide in - and thankfully JWD's hopefully gonna help me on that front. As a few of the others have said, at least I can be anonymous here.

It was the abuse at home that's made me feel this way. I was told I was a mistake and my dad made sure that I knew it well into my adulthood, so I guess there's still a little child locked somewhere inside who doesn't really know who she is or where she belongs in life.

Sorry for rambling on like that. I've got some real emotional pain going on at the moment but don't want to post about it for now because I can't stay online much and I don't want it to look like I did a 'post and run' on you all.

MerryMagdalene

Hi Delilah~

it does us harm, I think, to not seek help, and just harbour things. Down the road it can erupt into something so big, when it didn't need to. So, slowly, I'm trying to ask for help when I really need it, but it's not easy to do after all these years.

I can identify with that! And I'm sure others can too. It isn't easy...but it does get easier with practice Good to hear from you on this.

~Merry

BrendaCloutier

eeeYup! Ingrained since childhood where the only correct emotion was a happy one. And sometimes "it" - I hurt like hell.

Damn, Merry, this thread brought tears to my eyes.

prophecor

Sometimes I can be riding along so smoothly, and then, all of a sudden, there's the big A looking at me, chasing me down in the rear view mirror. The big A according to the big wigs at the WTBTS. I've yet to get some serious distance from the drive, the confusion, the disturbances. I can not effectively in words, relate to you how my life has come to be a wreckage, from such an early time period. Almost from the moment I came to be known by Jehovah.

Jehovah has been like a ghost that will not quickly go away. His prescense still haunts me from time to time. There are, however, moments when all can seem so right with the world, they, however are still sometimes, are no more than momentary oasises in the Sahara. It takes so much time to get to those individual respites. A cool drink of water. Just something to take for the arid thirst.

We have differing levels of recovery for those who are no longer in and are never to return. I wait out the grace of God as he makes things more palatable to live with. Sometimes, even he seems to turn down the fire.

SUFFERING IN SILENCE

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