It dawned on me today that it's been a long time since I left JW's. How long? I wasn't sure. So I went back and checked when I first posted here. September 1st, 2004. (The start of the new "Service Year", how appropriate!)
What's happened in that year?
In a year I've watched the organization I loved turn on me with voracity. Within weeks of my Christmas decorations going up, elders were at my door arranging to "meet" with me, to "discuss the situation". A month or so after that (many delays on their part -- Jehovah's people are a busy people, ya know!) I was officially disfellowshipped. I had felt a great sense of freedom and release long before that, so their action had no effect on my feelings at all. There was great satisfaction, though, in replying to their "reminder" to attend my judicial committee hearing: "No, I won't be here. You can still meet if you want to, but don't bother on my account." The how-dare-you look on their faces was a souvenir I'll treasure forever.
In a year I've gone from having my JW in-law's great love and respect to being an angry, demonic, hate-filled apostate, bent on forcing their God to kill their grandchildren at Armageddon. Long praised for my insight and generosity, now I'm scorned as a selfish liar.
In a year, I've realized that not EVERY non-JW is a maniac, ready to pounce on me if ever they get the chance. Turns out that not "some", not "many", but the vast majority of people are good hearted, friendly folks living their lives without concern for my religious preferences.
So what hasn't happened in a year?
I still haven't gotten my head around the fact that the future DOES matter. I know that the world isn't going to end in my life time, yet I still feel myself thinking in the short term, as if there is no future to worry about. I'm still working on getting that out of my head, but it seems to be stuck pretty deep.
I still haven't gotten all the bitterness out of my heart toward the Watchtower's robbing those 20 years from me. And such important, formative years. I am stealing them back by working hard to make sure Zach and Sierra aren't similarly tricked into donating their life to a man and his fantasies.
I still haven't directed myself. I still spin my wheels. I look back over the days and weeks and months and find that I not only haven't gotten anywhere, but I haven't even picked a direction, much less a destination. More "there is no future, just wait it out" thinking. I live, but I don't feel like I'm actually "living".
What does the next year hold?
I'll have a book published.
I'll launch a new parody web site, hopefully driving more traffic to my current one and similar ones operated by my colleagues.
I'll make some progress on that robot that exists only as a pile of parts in my garage and a rough "plan" drawn up by Zach (a plan that looks suspiciously like "Bender".)
As I always claimed I'd do as a JW, I'll make a conscious effort toward "making my time count, not just counting time." But THIS TIME, it will be on things that actually do mean something!
For all you've done, for all your assistance and kindness and knowledge and wisdom, for all of your "you"-ness, I thank you. All of you.
Dave