Your First Love...

Country Girl

Everyone has a first love, and there's usually a wonderfully dramatic story. Juveniles arevery dramatic. What happened with YOUR first love? Did you marry your first love? What happened?

For me: my first boyfriend, even though ne being a Witness, was a worldly boy. We could never "date" per se, but we could be boyfriend and girlfriend at school. My brothers went to my school, so they TOLD on me. I wasn't baptized or anything, so the elders couldn't DO anything. I didn't "date" the guy, we just held hands and kissed at school. WOOOO! He was one of the most popular boys at school, homecoming king, valued football player, all that. It was silly. He left me when he was a senior, and I was outta school, for a girl that would sleep with him. I felt lost and lonely, but I got over it. I left the Witnesses shortly after that..

I talked to him later in my life, being as we were from the same neighborhood and he still lived there. He still thought of me as a "nice girl". Funny.. But I'll never forget him. He was the first person I loved, and the first person that loved me, as misdirected and misguided as that was..heheeh.

Whatever happened to YOUR first love?

CG

ballistic

There's Watchtower studies on all the forms of love, they left me empty as a teenager. I didn't know what love was from all those articles even though I answered up. Godly love, platonic love, romantic love.

To be honest, it took all my years in the truth and several years after to realise what love was. I now understand and it is not something you can explain easily, and definately not in a Watchtower article. I have a little story about love. I'll see if I can find it in my mail box and post it in a minute.

ballistic

Love

I
t is a mystery why we fall in
love
.

It is a mystery how it happens.

It is a mystery when it comes.

It is a mystery why some
love
grows and

it is a mystery why some
love
fails.

You can analyze this mystery

and look for reasons and causes,

but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body,
love
is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life

is a gift that comes and goes in its own time,

so too, the coming of
love
must be taken as an unfathomable gift

that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life -

the gift of
love
will come to you in full flower,

and you will take hold of it

and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty.

This is the dream we all share.

More often,

it will come and take hold of you,

celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people,

they too often try to grasp the
love
and hold it to them,

refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given

and a gift that just as freely,

moves away.

When they fall out of
love
,

or the person they
love
feels the spirit of
love
leaving,

they try desperately to reclaim the
love
that is lost

rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers.

They want to know what is wrong in them

that makes the other person no longer
love
them,

or they try to get their lover to change,

thinking that if some small things were different,
love
would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances

and say that if they go far away and start a new life together,

their
love
will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what happened.

But there is no meaning beyond the
love
itself,

and until they accept its own mysterious ways,

they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about
love
, and to accept it.

You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in
love
with someone who does not
love
you,

be gentle with yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you.
Love
just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in
love
with you

and you don't
love
him,

feel honored that
love
came

and called at your door,

but gently refuse the gift you cannot return.

Do not take advantage,

do not cause pain.

How you deal with
love
is how you deal with you,

and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys,

even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in
love
with another,

and he falls in
love
with you,

and then
love
chooses to leave,

do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame,

let it go.

There is a reason

and there is a meaning.

You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose
love
.
love
chooses you.

All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery

when it comes into your life.

Feel the way it fills you to overflowing,

then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.

Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.

Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong.

Having been so long without
love
,

they understand
love
only as a need.

They see their hearts as empty places

that will be filled by
love
,

and they begin to look at
love
as something that flows to them

rather than from them.

The first blush of new
love
is filled to overflowing,

but as their
love
cools,

they revert to seeing their
love
as need.

They cease to be someone who generates
love

love
.

They forget that the secret of
love
is that it is a gift,

and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart.
Love
has its own time,

its own seasons,

and its own reason for coming and going.

You cannot bribe it

or coerce it,

or reason it into staying.

You can only embrace it when it arrives

and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart

or from the heart of your lover,

there is nothing you can do

and there is nothing you should do.

Love
always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open it will come again.

ballistic

Microsoft Word doesn't paste too well into here.

Insomniac

There was a guy, back in the day, that I fell hard for. I can't say it was LOVE, but it was intense and beautiful and amazing whatever it was. All of a sudden, I was seeing his face everywhere, imagining our first kiss, trying to picture what our kids would look like. He was a guy who was full of opinions, and loved to express them. Macho, sometimes abrasive, but there were unguarded moments when his eyes were full of warmth and generosity. He loved animals, though he didn't like to admit it. I saw him give money to the homeless, but he'd deny it if you asked him. I was too young and too inexperienced to play it cool; I worshipped him and I'm sure it showed. It never happened for the two of us- I moved on, found other guys to fall for, learned how to not wear my throbbing, bleeding heart on my sleeve. I believe he's still single, still a witness. I hope he's had a truly happy life; he might not have been the right man for me, but he was a heckuva nice guy, and deserves happiness.

talesin

oh my ... ballistic, how touching and true.

Well, my first real love (apropos the above poem) didn't happen till my late 30s, but my first serious crush went like this ....

I was 16, he was 17. I was a pioneer gurl, never been kissed, yada yada yada. My foster brother lived in Truro (a town about 75 km from here), and I spent a lot of time at his place that particular year. The boy I had an extreme crush on was a 'bad boy', in JW terms. He didn't go in FS, and was defiant and 'rebellious'. His father was an elder, and everyone in town knew what a mean, abusive drunk he was. Still, they blamed the son for his attitudes ...

This boy and I connected. I remember one day, there was a really bad snowstorm. He called me up, and walked over to see me. We walked all through the town for hours, holding hands, shyly gazing into each other's eyes. His best friend was a popular guy, owned a sports car. We all would hang out, and I remember Ian singing the song "You're Sixteen, You're Beautiful and You're Mine" along with the radio (remember that one by Ringo Starr?) to me in the car one day. We never even kissed, it was a sweet and innocent thing ... the boy from an abusive home clinging to the naive young girl who looked up to him worshipfully. I could always see the heartbreak in his eyes, and just wanted him to know "You are loved".

Anyhow, I came home from visiting my foster brother, and we were writing each other. Unbeknownst to me, my 'brother' had contacted my parents and told them about my 'bad association'. Mom and Dad told me I was not allowed to write him or see him anymore. I went out and bought this note paper ... very "seventies". It had a sunset and a couple holding hands superimposed on the page, with the words at the top "every day is special, because you are ..." My tears made little splotches on the paper as I wrote the letter telling him I couldn't see him or write to him again.

I've never seen him since ... in recent years, I have looked for him, just to see how he fared in life, but have not found him. I hope he had an okay life, as he didn't get a very good start.

tal

ballistic

Tal, I was really touched by that story, really.

95stormfront

The very first girl I felt I fell in love with........

We used to meet behind the middle school we used to go to and talk during lunch. While her dad wouldn't allow her to have a boyfriend or company even when she started high school we continued to be close to each other halfway through it, but finally the strain of "keeping the secret" got to us both...mostly me......and we went out seperate ways.

She fell for a knucklehead that got her pregnant at the end of her sophomore year. Everyone thought that her baby was mine, as close as we used to be. She had a little girl and moved from the high school we went to to a trade school for engineering. The last time I saw her personally was finally at her fathers house after she'd had the baby.....one of her girlfriends, Rhonda, took me over to her fathers house where we exchanged pleasantries about how our lives were going.

The last time I heard anything from her was after we'd both gotten married. She was working at a Mickey D's in Humble and living in Kingwood. She'd sent a message through my sister to tell me to take care of the son I'd just had with my current wife.

To GLJ........

Lynelle

you touched my life more than you'll ever know, and though we grew apart, I hope you know that I still occasionally think of you, how you're doing, did you make out OK. If you're out there....PM me.......I'd love to talk to you again.

lonelysheep

Ballistic...that was beautiful!!!!

My first love was my high school sweetheart, Derek. He and I were friends all four years, but only dated for a few months during our junior year. He was considered a geek , and me, I guess somewhat popular. After we started seeing each other, my brother, a year younger than me, told me, "You've just ruined your reputation, you know." I told him, "Well , I like him as much more than a friend, so I really don't care what people have to say about us."
Well, since neither of us had cars yet, we didn't see each other except for school, which led to him dumping? me. We had our lockers near each other, same homeroom, and two classes sitting next to each other for the remainder of high school, since our last names began w/B. There was no choice but to remain friends, even if we didn't want to! I loved him, and was his first.
A few months after graduating HS, I, by the request of my boyfriend/now husband, cut off our friendship. What a crappy thing to do. I have no idea what he's been up to since then.

(I don't know why I'm so emoticon happy tonight!)

That's what I'm talking about.

MerryMagdalene

Thanks for posting that Ballistic...I all too often seem to need that reminder...

I met my first love when I was 11 and his family moved to town. His dad was the only black guy in our small north Idaho logging/farming community. All the girls in school thought this kid was so cute (and he was) and all the boys seemed to hate him. He was great in track, and basketball, and soccer. I ignored him cos I didn't want to be like the other girls.

Then my mom started studying with his mom. She became a JW. He and I became best friends, almost inseperable outside of school. I was even allowed to go to a sleep-over for the boys in our cong at his house. And he came to my house for sleep-overs, too. (Our love was very innocent. We were young and just generally bashed each other about and had fun.)

I was ill a lot and he would always come visit me, and bring me things, and watch Star Trek and Gilligan's Island. When I was well he would push me just a little bit past my limits, getting me to play basketball, soccer, frisbee w/him and run faster, harder, longer, and hike all over the hills.

Then his family moved away when I was 14 and I was crushed. I wanted so much to tell him just before they left how much I loved him but kept chickening out, afraid he would think I was a sap.

We wrote to each other for a couple years, our usual playful, insulting banter. Then he asked me to marry him, totally out of the blue. I was stunned. So was my mother, cos she had read the postcard-written proposal before I got to. It never happened, of course. I waited too long to respond. He took it back. And we never mentioned it again.

He's happily married now. And we e-mail each other and chat on the phone occassionally.

~Merry

Your First Love...

Love

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