by colorado5591 25 Replies latest social relationships
With the internet we have such easy and infinite access to pornography, that some find themselves or their partner "addicted" to it.
How does this impact our sexual, emotional, and romantic relationships and how can the non-addicted partner cope with any feelings of deception and betrayal?
With the internet we have such easy and infinite access to pornography, that some find themselves or their partner "addicted" to it.How does this impact our sexual, emotional, and romantic relationships and how can the non-addicted partner cope with any feelings of deception and betrayal?
I wouldn't say I'm "addicted" to anything other than smoking, and I'm working to give that up. But if I had to choose between internet porn and a "real relationship", I'd go for the porn, for now anyway. I've had my fill of "relationships". I've had enough of them to last me a dozen lifetimes. Can you tell I suck at relationships? W
I had a bf who loved porn. We'd watch it together and he would point out what he liked about this female and that one ... it was all good. I even went to a gentlemen's club with him. Everything was fine until he got drunk one night and slept with his bm. It was all downhill after that but prior to, it made me feel really close to him because I felt comfortable and secure that we could have something like that out in the open (coming from a former closed-minded JW that's a huge step!). After the betrayal I thought maybe the porn contributed to the infidelity - but most likely it did not. He's just the type of person who likes to have a variety of women. He may claim one to be his 'main squeeze' but he'll always be on the lookout for a pinch hitter. Works for some people, but not for me.
That's quite a sad story sweet tee. What bloke on this planet doesn't like a variety of women, but if he knows what he wants, will put it aside and be loyal. I've been single for quite a while and if the right woman comes along, I surely will end up with a lot of free hard disk space.
My ex husband had a lot of porn when we were dating. It really bothered me. So I told him as nicely as I could that it really bothered me. He didn't have one issue getting rid of it. It wasn't a big deal. I think when it came down to it, he wanted the real thing, not the printed copy.
I know many women are okay with porn, but I can't do it. It's my issue and I need to be with a man that respects that and can live with it.
Porn doesn't bother me at all. They can have it, watch it, read it, I don't care.
What would bother me is if I would come second to the porn.
Dams ( better then porn )
Thanks ballistic ... it didn't take long for me to realize I was better off without him, now he can reminisce about the 'real thing' (dams).
I used to feel the same way billygoat but it was only one symptom of deep seated insecurity for me. I had to let all that sh*t go just so I could let a man breathe (insecurity was my issue, I'm not saying that's the reason you don't like it). My current bf could care less about porn, stip clubs or any of that biz and he's perfectly content having one good woman to shower with affection .
I think everyone suffers insecurities at times to varying degrees. It's not good for a man to feel insecure because it's comes over as vulnerability and weakness to a woman, but sometimes I can't help it - becuase of all the bad luck I've had in relationships.
ballis- For me a lot of it has to do with attitude. I had to be real honest with myself about what happened in my failed relationships - let me make this perfectly clear "I HAD TO BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT I HAD CONTRIBUTED TO THE DEMISE OF THE RELATIONSHIP and/or WHETHER I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH THE PERSON IN THE FIRST PLACE". I had to check my expectations, explore what premises I was using to measure the quality of the relationship (ie, does he measure up to what my friends/family think I deserve) and then decide what things were really important for me to be happy in a relationship. I opted for the simple things, friendship, mutual respect and understanding, emotional support and frequent and outstanding sex .
I'm very happy!
Well, I hate to say it ladies, but I think women get too worked up over porn.
Guys are, by their nature, extremely horny, and they will look at porn to relieve that sexual pressure. Most women I know simply can't comprehend the fact that guys masturbate frequently. It shouldn't be a reflection of the relationship or make you feel like you are inadequate. I know women can feel like crap when they find out their guy has porn and/or masturbates because you think that you aren't good enough. That's not it! We make a very clear and total distinction between looking at porn and loving our woman.
Besides, if you try to ban porn in the house, he'll get it one way or another.
It's probably best to just talk about it with your guy. Don't do it in a way that makes him defensive. Ask him why he likes porn. Be honest with each other, but also try to understand his point of view. A friend of mine had some porn on his PC and his wife went bonkers - even threatened a divorce. That's the best way for you ladies to prevent your man from ever discussing the issue with you. From then on he'll just hide it and lie if you ask about it. Is that what you want?
Just my 2 cents.
