Dear mom,

SeymourButts

For years I have wanted--no, yearned and longed for-- your approval. Just a small pat on the back, a quiet smile, or some tiny gesture from you that I'd "done good." But I wonder if I'm not wasting my years in frustration and in endless hoping for what probably is never going to be. So, because I do know that I am basically a good person, a loving son, and that I must give my attention to my own journey to be the man that I think God would want me to be to myself, my wife, and my children, I'm not going to wait for your approval any longer. I won't agonize inside for a small gesture of love from you. I will not set aside hours or even moments of wishful thinking about what "could have been" for us. I am closing out these painful chapters in my life. Someday you might have a change of heart, a reversal, or a turn around of thought,or you might even transpose some of your attitudes. Such a change would be wonderful, and I would welcome communication between us. But for now I have to, as psychologists say, move on with my mind and my heart and tell you I can no longer hope, expect, or even wait for change. I will always love you. You are my mother and I pray things will go well for you. Your son

RichieRich

All too true.

I hear ya.

lola28

I can't imagine what you have been through. My heart aches for you, take care.

lola

nilfun

A big, big step you've taken there -- very moving.

Apostanator

I've got to say....I'm in the same position as you are and I think your letter is well put.

Best of luck.

delilah

(((((((((((((((((((((((Seymourbutts))))))))))))))))))))))))

Es

Oh hun i hear you it was like that for me and my dad. No matter what i did i never got the approval and love that i needed.And it hurts...i have come to realise he was the one who missed out. Know that he doesnt talk much to my brother who he absolutely loved and adored he is trying real hard with me....and when he tells me he loves me I dont know what to say or do im not used to it. And that is something he has to live with not me

es

SeymourButts

I'm sorry, this isn't a letter I sent to my mother, but rather it was just intended to be a statement to mothers (or fathers) in general. Please accept my apologies for giving the wrong impression. I have been making a concerted effort to gain some writing skills.

nilfun

Ah, I see.

But it is still "true" -- and that people were moved by your writing says something about your skill as a writer, hey? Well done.

jgnat

I wanna put my two cents in. This is the yearning of many adult children outside of the WTS as well. Any one of us who has a demanding parent will understand. The bad news is that I'm over forty, and I still live with the angst. I figure it might be a lifetime thing for me.

I was in my mid-thirties when I realized I could do what I want and dad couldn't do a damn thing about it. I'd brought home my second kitten and when dad saw it, he swore. More cat hair in my disordered home. All of a sudden it dawned on me. Dad swore because he couldn't stop me! Maybe most children figure this out sooner than I did. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. But my guess is many of us yearn for full acceptance our entire lives. Maybe some parents just can't do it. Whenever I take on a high-performing task now, I DON'T TELL MY DAD. No matter how much I might excel, how fast I ran, how far I jumped, he'd be at home aftewards gruffly asking, YES, BUT DID YOU DO YOUR BEST? Maybe I want to do these jobs my way, with fits and starts and bumbles and stumbles and un-systematic, and proud as punch anyways?

I think lots of us would be much happier if we had a little "funeral" for what could have been, and just learn to enjoy our parents as they are, warts and all.

Of course, the WTBTS adds a whole other level of burden on the messy affair; the threat of shunning and permanent separation. Shame, shame.

Dear mom,

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