I was about six when I started to have doubts about what I was being taught (It just didn't add up in my mind).
Things started to become clearer as I realised that the things people say don't match what they do. The first thing that happened was realising that my mother had divorced my dad (a non witness) so that she could be married to a 'fine' 'upstanding' dub (in the real world a gambling, violent drunkard with no financial sense - it was 1974 what can I say! )
Then when I realised that nobody gave a sh*t that my stepdad was not living up to the dub ideal as long as he was 'trying'
Next my sister was married off to a violent, bullying pervert with all the social graces of a particularly flatulent and halitosis-ridden hippo, and guess what?! "well he is trying"
Then we started having a tuesday night meeting at a house in a neighbouring town where the children (who all looked like second world war refugees, obviously you can imagine how bad they were when even the other witness kids thought they looked wierd!) were too scared to even talk to other witness children.
Obviously I was starting to realise that logical debate was a no-no and that asking questions about my doubts was more likely to result in a beating than a reasoned reply so by age 7 or 8 I was practically silent on my real thoughts regarding 'The Truth'
I then started at secondary school and I remember coming home and very excitedly telling my mum that I had decided I wanted to go to University (planning ahead you see) and being absolutely crushed when she looked at me with utter scorn and said "No you're not, you're going to be a window cleaner". Although I haven't cleaned a window since I must admit it did mean that I never really bothered at school.
The real clincher was when a (witness)friend of mine killed himself, and I have never heard a more arrogant, hypocritical, hatefull, uncaring, callous, coldblooded, heartless pack of animals in all my life. The guy had put his head on a railway track and not one witness had the nerve to be even slightly honest about his (well-known) reasons for doing so.
In the many years years since the dubs have continued to attempt to destroy the remains of my family and never once have I seen even one shred of humanity in the dubs that I have met let alone any trace of 'Jehovah's loving kindness'