Path,
I've only been posting on this forum for about a week, although my wife has monitored it for some time and has posted occasionally. I have read many of the threads, though, and I find them to be mostly supportive, kind, and seemingly genuine. This is certainly not true of all other JW forums. I believe that makes this a valuable resource for anyone who has/had any affiliation with JW's. I appreciate the time that many individuals (including yourself) have spent offering support to those who have been struggling, which I'm sure includes most of us.
Although I am past most of the anger and the need to rant and grieve for myself (for all the needless personal sacrifices), I can certainly relate to feeling stalled or stuck, looking for motivation and enthusiasm. Apparently, this does take time and real effort to get past it.
I was raised in the religion and was very conscientious. I was shocked when I finally realized how being raised in this cult had negatively affected so many aspects of my life -- and actually made me dysfunctional in some ways. As painful a realization as that was, it was the beginning of my life in many ways. I have slowly been able to let go of the many layers of guilt that had been layered on over a lifetime of indoctrination. I was even made to feel guilty if I read for pleasure and I hadn't yet read every new publication written by the WT society. They really had stolen my life and I am glad to reclaim it, finally.
However, it hasn't been easy to allow myself to truly embrace the new opportunities that this freedom offers. I have often felt stuck. Fortunately, my wife and I found our freedom together, and this has made it much easier than facing all of this alone. Since this began for us with information found on JW forums, we are particularly grateful that they exist, and grateful to individuals such as yourself who care enough to speak up and reach out to others.
I hope that I am now in a position to give something back. I am finally (after about a year and a half) beginning to find my motivation for the things that bring me fulfillment, though I still struggle at times. I believe that this forum can be an opportunity for individuals to also share large and small victories in reclaiming their lives -- to share the things that motivate them and bring personal fulfillment. Some will relate and some won't, but sharing positive experiences, I believe, is one of the most valuable and rewarding things we can do, especially for the one doing the sharing.
My wife and I are looking for ways to meet other people with common interests. We both agree that we are not interested in attending other churches, as we do not believe that any are immune to the traps that we are so relieved to have escaped from. I am willing to discuss God and religion with people who may want to, but I have no desire to find self-worth, self-righteousness, or salvation through any religious group.
I am very happy for this to be a personal journey, which I believe it must be to have real personal value. As devout and active a JW as I was, I don't believe that I understood the meaning of spirituality, since everything was distorted and twisted to become synonymous with loyalty to a human cult leadership, at the cost of literally everything else in my life. I now realize that what I once thought was a genuine, worldwide brotherhood based on love is in reality a worldwide group of victimized people who must be prepared to abandon anyone, at any time, who is said to have become disloyal to the ever-changing doctrine. This creates very dysfunctional relationships, as I can readily attest to, since my immediate family members who are JW's have abandoned me after learning why I am inactive. Of course, there are many fine, loving individuals in the religion, some of whom I miss.
Let me say thanks again, as several of you have already responded kindly to my posts. I appreciate the wisdom reflected in many threads and the realistic way of looking back upon experiences as a JW. For those who joined as adults, it obviously seemed to be a way to fill a need at the time. For those of us victimized since infancy, it is often a very traumatic experience when cognitive dissonance finally demands that we pay attention to the grieving soul that lies buried somewhere deep inside of us. Many are living proof, however, that one can live through it and emerge with an opportunity to become a more complete and more fulfilled person, and yes, even a more spiritual person. Everyone deserves to find happiness, even if it means starting all over, right at the beginning -- with oneself.
"No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn." -- Jim Morrison
Edited by - AhHah on 18 September 2000 3:41:33
Edited by - AhHah on 18 September 2000 4:54:53
Edited by - AhHah on 29 September 2000 14:37:13
