(With apologies to the guy who had this idea first, and for Watchtower-izing it)
From: Governing Body, Watch Tower Bible & Tract Society
To: All congregations
Dear Brothers,
We are pleased to announce the release of a new CD to assist you in "making sure of the more important things". This CD is the product of years of research into the storage and retrieval of Theocratic materials accumulated in various languages through the years. Jehovah's blessing is evident on the work, as this tool is already in use by the writing staff. As one brother put it, "Having this new provision from Jehovah has brought me closer to him. The tedious -- but joyful and fulfilling -- hours previously spent in research can now be reduced to minutes or seconds. Of course, I happily invest the additional time in some other joyful, fulfilling theocratic pursuits."
Now you too can benefit from this fine provision, initially available in 15 languages. Remarkably, due to the expertise of the brothers and the blessing of our God Jehovah, the software and data can be used on a variety of personal electronic devices, including most handheld devices. Brothers may find that this allows them to answer questions at the door that would normally require a return visit after exhaustive (but beneficial) research.
We are pleased to release to you the "Multi-language Immediate Access System for Salvation (MI-ASS)".
The elders will assist all in the congregation in becoming familiar with MI-ASS. You will no doubt quickly determine that the information coming out of MI-ASS is superior in every way to that provided by previous systems.
It may interest you to know that the volume of material coming out of MI-ASS would have been too great had it included all the older literature. This nearly caused the cancellation of the project. Happily, all older material has been culled from the data, thus saving MI-ASS.
It is our sincerest hope that all brothers will benefit from this new provision. We anticipate a time when a householder will excitedly ask, "Where did you get that marvelous Bible-based information?" and a brother will be able to confidently reply, "I pulled it out of MI-ASS!"
Your brothers in Jehovah's Service,
Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society
