Arranged marriages - What do you think??

Tez

Personally I don't condemn this outright, but feel the couple should have input if it is to succeed. Any thoughts anyone???

JH

People shouldn't arrange marriages for others, but rather mind their own business.

mrsjones5

My mother tried that on me. Didnt work. Boy was she pissed.

Having been on the outside looking in at some disastrous marriages, do any of you think there should be some sort of counselling couple should go through before they get married??? Agree only one arranged marriage that I know of seemed successful and messing with other people's lives is a no no, but often think couples get married without enough knowledge of what to expect.... if you know what I mean???

rebel8

As long as they are consenting adults when they make the choice to marry each other, it is fine.

Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Ellie

My mum tried rather unsuccessfully to marry me off at 16 to the congregation geek, she now doesn't approve of my partner, I don't agree with arranged marriages but that has a lot to do with being brought up in Britain in a white community, its probably different if you are brought up in a community were it is seen as normal.

mrsjones5

the congregation geek,

I think every congregation I have ever been to had a geek. It's amazing and kinda sad too when the geeks grow up to be adult geeks.

Tez

Hi Ellie, Diane sends her regards! she is staying with me at the moment. I think a lot of JW's marry too young! and for the wrong reasons. I do agree though with the parents getting to know the boy/girl friends, and allowing them to visit and become part of the family if the relationship is serious. In laws should try harder to help the couple succeed, so many in laws cause disruption.

Wasanelder Once

Would you want a deranged one?

W.Once

Lady Lee

Oh boy You've opened the door for me

I hate the idea of arranged marriages. And I am the survivor of one

When I was 16-17 yrs old my mother decided that she wanted me to get married so I didn't make the same mistake she made and get pregnant. (not that I was doing anyhting to get pregnant but that was beside the point)

She would give me some very inappropriate dress and take me to meet some "brothers". Usually they were 40ish years old and it was easy to see they had mental health problems which is probably why none of the other "sisters" had snatched them up already.

I recall one dress she gave me. Oh lordy I felt like Marilyn Monroe in that dress - cleavage and all. I loved it but I was ashamed of it at the same time.

Well at one point we hade a new brother in the congregation who was attending the book study in our home. He too had some mental health issues but his older brother decided he wanted to get his brother out of the JWs and decided to come to the meetings with him to find out what they were teaching him and then show him how wrong they were.

Well within a couple of weeks he was staying in our place and asking all these questions about the JWs but my mother saw an opportunity. He was only 2 years older than me and after a couple of months she could see that he was caught in the WT web. So she started pushing me to sit and answer all his questions. She arranged for another brother in the group to study with him and he started talking about baptism.

Now this was in the days of the truth book and 6 month studies. So after 5 months she walked into the kitchen one day and said to both of us but mainly to him. If you are going to keep coming here you two will have to get married.

Ok I'm clueless. I had no idea he was interested in me but later he told me I was the main drawing card for him to stay in our bookstudy. Well after my mother made her little announcement she left the room. He looked at me and said, "What do you think?" Real romantic across the kitchen table.

Well after seeing the guys my mother had paraded me in front of before this one actually was close to my age and was too objectional. I said "I guess so."

When my mother came back into the room she asked what we had decided and told her yes but we would wait for a year. Ok this guy isn't even baptized yet, He was planning to be baptized in 4 weeks at the district convention. I wanted the year because I barely knew him and I was scared to death of getting married.

Nope that wouldn't due for my mother. She arranged the marriage for the week after the DC - 5 weeks away. Then he would be baptized and it would be OK. If she could have areanged an elopement I think she would have.

Now it isn't usual for JW kids to get married. And it isn't usual for them to barely know them outside of meetings. But I really did not know this guy.

My mother arranged everything for the wedding - when, where, who was invited, the food, the cake - the works.

I borrowed a dress and we talked to the minister (had to get real one because Quebec did not allow JWs to perform marriages).

After two weeks being married to him I knew it was a terrible mistake. After 3 months I begged my mother to let me come home. Her answer, "You made your bed. Now lie in it."

Thanks mom

It wound up lasting 15 years and we had two children.

Eventually he became an elder. He was emotionally abusive. He physically abused our daughters. And he sexually abused me.

He steepped down as elder right before I left him to supposedly make more time for his family. Really he knew I was going to tell all to the elders and he resigned before he thought he would get booted. In reality I was DFed and he got the reputation as a faithful servant of God.

Interestingly he married another new JW 2 years after we divorced. She had two daughters so the congregations believe God had replaced what he lost because of his faithfullness to the org.

She left him too and I presume for the same reasons.

Arranged marriages - What do you think??

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