Hi all my friends, I've been absent from posting for a few months. Snowed in with uni work, and just generally choosing to lie low. But, I thought it was time to come out of hybernation to give you what I believe is some pretty good news with respects to the relationship that exists (or rather hasn't existed for a few years) with my JW mum.
A couple of years ago mum texted me to tell me that she received my letter to family in March just gone, but wasn't sure how to respond to it. In short she basically said that she wants to accept our differences and wants to make peace with me. For those who may not remember or have been around when I spoke my story I'll try and bring you up to speed in brief! I more or less begain fading in late 2001, but wasn't offically df'd until May 2003. It was around then that my mother made it clear that we could not maintain a relationship until I had reconciled with the faith. My eldest sister took the same hardline stand, both of whom were at the time heavily influenced by my heartless brother inlaw. My mother at the time had just separated from my father after 30years of marriage, and was heavily reliant on them for guidance and support. In mums initial text a fortnight ago she stated that back then when all was said and done that she wasn't independent in thought, but all that has changed now and her life is very much on track. My mother at the heart of things is one of the most kind and generous people I've ever known (and I've known allot of people!). She's a mother of 7 and has given everything she could to her children within the tight boundaries of a tyrannical husband and religious organisation. My initial reaction was one of shock and hesitation. After the turmultuous process of the worst kind of unjustifiable pain and loss I was what I believe is naturally afraid to put myself in harms way again. My fear was that at the next convention or meeting when a hardline talk on how to treat df'd ones came out, that she would revert in fear and reneg on her proposition. But, I have to say that even though our relationship will probably never be perfect (but then whose ever is?), that in her acknowledgement of me, and our right to difference, she is acknowledging my right to existence once again, as the woman who brought me into the world. While I strongly believe that this isn't something that should have ever been negotiable or otherwise, I do acknowledge what it must have taken for her to humble herself and make peace with her "conscience" to take this necessay step. I also cannot possibly explain what it has done for my outlook on life. It's impossibility I believe to fill such a huge emotional vaccuum/void left by your mothers acceptance and love. I realise that some cope better than others with this, but I myself have struggled intensely with it, mainly for the fact that she and I meant to much to eachother once. And also because of the fact that I know that she is a really loving and beautiful person. It's hard to deflect your pain in anger on to someone like her, especially with the terrible nature of her own personal lifes tragedies.
So, that's pretty much it for the minute. I just wanted to update all my friends here one of the few heartwarming stories that so rarely come out of all this heartache:) On a sidepoint, my father told me just a couple of weeks before (after I opened up to him and told him I refused to pretend that I can be strong about this anymore, that the pain is just sometimes too great, and I don't think it's fair for anyone to expect me to be so strong and resilliant about it). My father is a boarderline dub ("inactive" and with every new day turning more and more to the "dark side". He told me that this standoff with my mother and sisters wouldn't last forever, he was certain about that, and was so beautifully supportive and on my side. His words meant so much to me. The next morning after our discussion he sent me a text message telling me that he "HEARD ME LOUD AND CLEAR, & I PLAN TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT". Both of us could never have predicted that events would take their natural course within just a couple of weeks later! My dad had planned to speak in person with my mother next week when he went to pick up my younger siblings and take them for the holidays. He told me at the time that speaking with these people was like hitting your head against a brick wall?!?! I still cannot believe my dad spoke those words about JW thinking, completely blew me away as you can imagine. My dad is slowly becoming anti-watchtower, but not necessarily anti-jehovahs, but I don't know so much that he's exactly ready to admit that yet. When dad so convincingly told me that this situation wouldn't last forever, I didn't allow his words to let me hope in vain, but it seems my dad is a little wiser than I've given him credit for.
There's probably a whole lot of detail that I've missed out in relaying the events as they've happened, but the above is at least the very guist of things.
Thankyou to everyone here who have always supported me when I've reached out for help, you're all truely good and beautiful people.
Love from frog xx