Well, last night was from hell. About four months ago my wife and I brought in to our house a stray kitten. Looked healthy, vibrant etc.
About 10 days ago I put flea collars on all of my cats (some some scratching once and a while and assumed they had fleas - probably didn't). When I put the collar on this cat about 10 days ago it got a little excited as it probably never had anything around its neck before and started to bit and lick the collar. This went on for about two days.
Gradually over the course of the 10 days the cat started getting lethargic, drinking lots of water and just not its usual self. I assumed it had a cold of some kind as it seemed to be getting better. Last night I came home from school and my wife was very upset as the cat was throwing up any food, including some broth she made it. It was constantly at the water bowl. A few times I went over to it and she gave me this really sad meow.
I was hoping it would make it through the night as I was going to take it to the vet but it seems to have taken the ferry ride around 4:00 am. Very sad. Woke up around 4:00 am (waking up every couple of hours to check on it) and noticed all of my cats starring under the bed - bad feeling. So I took it outside and buried it.
Here are some of the symptoms:
whitish gums
some weight loss
lethargy
drinking lots of water
throwing up
I called the vet and asked them what they thought. They said it could have been an allergic reaction to the collar or worse yet a disease such as FeLV. Now if it were FeLV or similiar would it have brought a healthy cat down in less than 10 days? I wonder if I inadvertently poisoned it with the flea collar?
After doing some research it looks like Hartz has had problems with killing animals. I feel depressed and very guilty for my mistake.
So I sat there last night in bed thinking about what I learned as a JW and from my own studying, and I feel cheated. I laid there thinking about my recent grandmothers death, the poor animals death and all the death that goes through the whole world on a daily bases and kept wondering why? Why do we suffer? I was always taught it was because of the Universal Soverignty issue. But as I thought about the reasoning behind that I came to the conclusion that cannot be correct. Jehovah is all knowing, and all loving. He creates angels, who more than likely assisted him in creating the world and humans. More than likely these angels knew how to create "flesh and blood" and thus these were the few who materialized and co-habited with women.
The society would like for us to believe that jehovah could not simply destroy Adam and the angels who sinned because of "universal Soverignty", or does man have the legal right to rule. I'm sorry but if Jehovah is all knowing, then these angels who sinned were also high up on the pyramid and knew right from wrong. They knew ahead of time that they would not succeed. So Jehovah could have destroyed Adam and Eve, and created a new pair but realistically he would be back at square one with his creation.
I thought about a mighty ruler, who governs a nation and allows a coupe to take place to see if they can rule better than him. This is not logical nor plausible.
I kept asking myself why does God allow suffering when it is within his means to eliminate it. Why do I have to pay for what my ancestors did? None of this makes any sense and although I still believe in God I have doubts about his caring and oversight.
I really do not know where to go from here.
Sorry for the rant, just feeling a little sad...