The story of my life (part 2)

onacruse

So, my life as a JW has been cast, before I can speak or understand even one word. My folks relegated their parental authority to the WTS (they told me that, explicitly), and were just tickled pink to see me grow up in accordance with the expectations that they themselves had adopted: the end is near, there is no need to worry about anything in the future, but just to devote my life to the "cause of the truth."

But this is where the cognitive dissonance comes into play. They'd already seen, for themselves, the hypocrisy within the WTS, and, to add to that, they'd both come from other religions that they found equally disillusioning. Yet, they chose to turn a blind eye to all that, and embark upon rearing us boys (me and my two brothers) as good JWs.

Not seeing the big picture, I took this all in with total glee. I studied, and studied, and studied. I viewed every word in the Bible as absolute truth, and every word in the Watchtower as the absolute truth about the absolute truth.

And so I embarked upon a life of denial, as had been the heritage of my family.

I started giving talks in the TM school when I was 6. I got my own publisher's record card when I was 8. I was laying on the floor of the living room, reading a 1950s bound volume, while Mom was ironing some clothes. I burst out and said: "Mom, I want to go to Bethel!" She said: "Craig, that would be great; I'm proud of you."

And so it began: from that point on, everything I did, and every decision I made, was for that one and single purpose--to get to Bethel.

I was baptized at 10. By that time, I was a regular little Marjoe Gortner, ready willing and able to tell adults 8x my age why their beliefs were wrong, and why our (my) beliefs were right. Absolutely no equivocation, no hesitation, no second-guessing of any kind whatsoever. I had the TRUTH!!!!! and I was going to do everything within my power to share it with the whole world.

And always, my complete confidence in the WTS was involved...and, therefore, too, all the more reason to "hold firm" to my decision to get to Bethel.

Billygoat

I started giving talks in the TM school when I was 6. I got my own publisher's record card when I was 8. I was laying on the floor of the living room, reading a 1950s bound volume, while Mom was ironing some clothes. I burst out and said: "Mom, I want to go to Bethel!" She said: "Craig, that would be great; I'm proud of you."
And so it began: from that point on, everything I did, and every decision I made, was for that one and single purpose--to get to Bethel.

Isn't it amazing what a child will do for their parents' approval. I didn't want to get baptized, but I knew it would thrill my parents, so I answered everything exactly right. I wasn't necessarily the perfect little JW girl, but when I did the "good" things it was mostly for my parents approval. Looking back, I can't help but wonder, if I understood the concept of doing something "good" because it was Good and Right.

onacruse

Bg , that's one thing I'm trying to describe about my experience in being raised as a JW: When I got that first clear "nod of approval" from my Mom, from that point on virtually everything I focused on was what the WTS said I should be and do. In fact, if either of my parents had stepped back and tried to divert me from that purpose, I would have very likely followed the Biblical admonition that "a son must be against the parents" when it comes to such matters of "true worship."

In a way, they sold my birthright, even though they might not have seen it at the time.

They do see it now, as old age eats away at their lives and they see nothing to show for it, not even the satisfaction of dying as respected members of the religion to which they've devoted 5 decades. Oh, sure, they're still JWs, and my Dad is still (at least as far as the record shows) an elder. But neither one of them is "active" in the sense of even being mentally engaged with the WTS doctrine (no, neither has Alzheimer's).

Which cuts back to the psychological "stage" that I was attempting to set at the beginning of this life story: Denial seems inevitably to have a way of coming back to bite you right hard on the ass, even if it means that you must take that punishment in the fading years of your human existence, when regrets have lost all coin, and all that's left is to face the inevitable consequences of not thinking about why you choose to do what you do.

It took me a few more years, from age 10, to reach that conundrum within myself, which I will describe in part 3.

tall penguin

Riveting!!! Can't wait for Part 3!
tp

Narkissos

Fascinating indeed. I found the following particularly astounding:

My folks relegated their parental authority to the WTS (they told me that, explicitly)

Never heard of such a point-blank admission thus far but it is quite enlightening.

And although I was not "born into the Truth(TM)" I can relate to the following:

I took this all in with total glee. I studied, and studied, and studied. I viewed every word in the Bible as absolute truth, and every word in the Watchtower as ;the absolute truth about the ;absolute truth

That's about what I was doing when I was 13 years old.

Legolas

I am looking forward to part 3!

jaffacake

That's about what I was doing when I was 13 years old.

Me too, but as a Seventh Day Adventist, with their watchtower equivalent. Preparing for baptism by immersion at my local Hall.

stillajwexelder

I was laying on the floor of the living room, reading a 1950s bound volume

That is what I used to do! Insight books too

Cygnus

As I've said here previously, my dad spanked us kids, kept out of of extracurricular actiivites, and so forth because we were Jehovah-Kids and now he regrets it. He would even tell us he didn't like what he had to do it, but Jehovah says he has to do it, so do it he did. How said to eliminate your own personal convictions and allow people you've never even met dictate how you raise your family.

The story of my life (part 2)

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