Ah, where to start. I have been married for 30 years and was a JW with my husband for 20+. We raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it. Having 6 children, I stayed in the marriage and organization because I feared I could not raise them all on my own. When the last few were approaching their teens and rebelled against going to the meetings, I joined them. That was about 7 years ago now.
It caused a lot of upset at first but my husband calmed down after a while. He was/is the typical JW controlling type and I was the submissive, go-along-with-anything wife. Things have been very strained between us for the past several years as I have been become more and more vocal about my loathing and resentment of this destructive cult. He still hopes that some day I will come around and he says he will never give up hope....I continue to build resentment.
I guess I don't even know what my question and or problem is. After being an active JW for so many years, and believe me, everything was by the book and fanatical, I know what the religion teaches and how someone like me is viewed by them. I openly declare myself an apostate to my husband and tell him I will NEVER come back to being a JW. He seems to be willing to wait it out. It tears me up to think that his belief is that he will live forever and his wife and children will all be destroyed; afterall, he has to believe that, right? And the smugness I know he has when he thinks about me trying to find a different religion when he knows they are all pagan.
I suppose the bottom line is.....I want out....I can't stand it....I hate everything about the JWs. I hate the books and magazines all over our house and I hate even hearing the religion mentioned. We have been married a long, long time and of course there is love, but we have absolutely nothing in common anymore. He seems willing to stay with me, but my life is an empty shell. I just don't know how to do it without just walking out the door and hurting him. What a stupid dilemna, huh? I've gone to church a few different times and that hasn't blown things up, even sent for some B'Hai information and had it sent to the house. I celebrate XMAS with my kids now, along with their birthdays.
There is no easy answer, is there? I guess I know that, but just felt compelled to vent a bit. This sight is great.