What stages of Healing/Recovery have you or are you going through?

by diamondblue1974 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  LittleToe

  I'm generally too warm-hearted to get enraged. The only times I find myself getting angry is when it affects my own family (like when my parents told my sister they weren't going to her wedding, breaking her heart at the last minute, just because of Bethel directions), or when I hear so many stories of lives affected detrimentaly (like on this thread) when the sheer scale of hurt overwhelms me.

  I suspect some lurkers wash over all the hurt, thinking it's exaggerated, or that people are bitter and have an axe to grind. Yet, behind every post is a human being, and any hurt expressed is usually just the tip of the iceberg, given that most people don't like exposing their emotions to public view.

  I hope that, in and of itself, is enough to make some think about what they are a part of. After all, does Jehovah desire to inflict misery in this system of things? Most cases are not people bringing it on themselves, nor their families.

  Just one way of looking at it, I guess...
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  Darth Yhwh

  The only times I find myself getting angry is when it affects my own family

  Well I tend to agree with this statement. My mother is the only JW in the family and the only and as long as she is indeed a JW then the WTBS's lies will affect my life.
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  zagor

  I don't thik I even got started with Healing/Recovery I'm still hurting.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/99358/1.ashx
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  tfsm

  FlyingHighNow: I went for a computer degree but wound up with business instead. Too much math in the computer degree for me and the market is saturated anyway. I did get the job I wanted (after several tries).
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  M*A*S*H

  I suppose I've been officially "out" for over 10 years now, dub born and raised I'm afraid. I still remember when I left 'officially' and had to move into the world on my own, thinking 'piece of cake, no problem'. I was shocked, quite literally...

  For years after leaving, quite randomly, odd thoughts about Armageddon, demons etc.. would just pop into my head. Such thoughts often accompanied with a sinking gut wrenching falling sensation, you know, a bit like when you write an email complaining about your boss, click send and notice your boss's name in the To: field. I found it really unsettling, having such a 'funny turn' about things you don't even believe in? One thing I especially remember was the 'Thursday Jitters', every now and again I'd get agitated and depressed just because it was 'meeting night', often without being fully conscious of why.

  Five years after leaving, then living with my partner of the time, I awoke on one particular weekend morning to the sound of a fighter jet flying near by. My first thought? 'Armageddon'. Breaking out into a sweat, I remember for a brief second sitting in bed thinking, 'OMG what do I do now?'. It so startled my girl friend she started to freak out purely at my reaction. When explaining myself, we both had to laugh - she probably thought I was insane!

  Don't be fooled, if you're leaving the religion or have left and you've been indoctrinated for any period of time... it can take a while to clear out the cupboards. I know it did in my case.

  Of course, having these thoughts and feelings does not mean you believe, or even should believe, I think it's quite natural. Hopefully I'm not the only one this has happened to?!

  PS. I still have one hang up, sometimes whilst half watching the news my thought process may go something like this... 'Hmm, that newscaster quite sexy... I wonder what I'll have for dinner... [Breaking News] Arghhhh, could this be the start of the big A? Oh, must remember to put the bin out.... Spag Bol I think....'
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  Mysterious

  I ended up debating religion and the bible with a lot of friends, christians of multiple denominations and non christians. I studied mainstream christianity in an effort to find out how the WBTS had perverted god's pure religion. Until one day I woke up and realized how ludicrous it was to believe a book was divine in origin because it said it was inspired by god. I wrote 'this is being written by the finger of god' on a scrap of paper, crumpled it up and laughingly threw it and my dependency on the bible away. It was a big epiphany.

  I got involved in paganism and attended a few fesitivals in the local area as well as joined internet based mailing lists. I found 'studying' paganism to be much like being a JW. Pagans are notoriously well read and it became a burden to try to show interest or keep up. Plus I found them to be just plain nutty when it came down to it. I couldnt take myself seriously.

  I ended up in a relationship with one of the first available girls I met, while I grew to love her and tried to make it work it became readily apparent that I was clinging to it out of emotional neediness instead of any real feelings for her. I broke it off and she took it less than well. Nevertheless I fell in love with a guy and ended up in a very happy relationship with him. We do a lot of intellectual debating on politics and religion. He finds JWs fascinating and has a burning interest in studying most religion though being a staunt atheist. Our debates were eventually enough that Ive given up on religion entirely.

  I still believe in personal growth, meditation, self awareness and similar things. But not in the context of faith in anything but yourself. Ive gotten to the point where I can pick up a bible and appreciate the literary merit without it having to be any deeper than that.