To those of you that have been JW's for many years... I would like to know how it is that you have transferred to your new life. My family and I are in the process, actually, we have left because of many of the issues brought up on this forum. This, being JW's, is all that we have ever known. So, we are going through a plethora of emotions (i.e. anger, depression, irritability to name a few). How long does it take to finally have peace with yourself and be happy?
leaving
by Lo-ru-hamah 37 Replies latest jw friends
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Elsewhere
Some time ago I found a great essay on this very topic. It is on my home PC so I'll post it when I get home later tonight.
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Cori
Personally, Im still going through some issues..with my wife still a believer. However, just the idea that I dont have to force myself to do things I dont want to. To realize that Im truly free, for the first time in my life, is my comfort. Its my inner peace for right now.
Others on this forum that have had complete success moving on with their life, could probably offer more advice.
Best of luck to you...
Cori
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Legolas
Welcome to the board!
Myself, husband and daughter left the borg back in June/05. Long story, but we did not attend meetings for a year and felt guilty the whole time UNTIL we found out it was all a LIE the end of May first of June!
You will probably go through alot of different emotions, I have been told it is like going through a divorce. So it will take time for you all to heal.
Many here have gone through it and can help, just hang in there and ask questions and just vent if you want to!
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vitty
I think it depends if you still have family still in. I have a daughter and sisters and mum still in, so its difficult to leave the "issues" behind. I havent gone to a meeting for 18 months and I still have thoughts about stuff. Intellectually I know its not the truth but emotionally im still conected. It will just take time, coming on the site helps a lot
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AK - Jeff
LRH - Welcome to the forum.
In my case, and wifeys, it has been about two years now. I found JWD about a year back, and it has been of tremendous help in getting thru the process. It is not a moment, but a process for sure.
Some things linger for a long time - in our case the indoctrination was long-term [we were JW's for most our lives, since childhood really], and we have not been fully able to reprogram yet. But I would say we have about 85% or it behind us now. Not bad for undoing 40 years of indoctrination I think.
Stay in touch - relate, encourage, and let the anger pass. Getting on with life is not always the easiest for some it appears, but this forum will help. At least it has helped us.
Welcome again -
Jeff
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BrendaCloutier
Welcome ((( Lo-Ru )))
I've been out for a long time. I got out young. So I really don't have any solid answers for you except:
It takes time. (and that's the one I hate!)
Be gentle with yourselves. Allow the grieving process to happen. You are already experiencing this grieving.
Replace your JW time with other activities. If you are still religiously bent, then explore other churches. But be kind to yourself and others, and don't go overboard and replace one religion with another.
Volunteer with your newfound free time. If you have children, get involved at school.
The worst is the fear. The fear of the Big A, and the fear that "they" are right. They've been wrong about so many things that I doubt that they will every be "right".
Stick around. Lots to read here, and many here to help with this process.
Hugs
B
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AlmostAtheist
Seems funny to say "Welcome" on a thread called "leaving"! But anyway, Welcome!
It seems that the reasons you leave and the way you leave have a great impact on how hard the exit is. I left because I lost all faith in the Bible, so walking away for me was very easy. Others have left because while they feel that the Watchtower was once God's org, it has apostasized and become something else. For them, leaving is a very mixed and upsetting experience.
If you disassociate or are disfellowshipped, you will be immediately shunned. That is upsetting for some. If you can pull off a fade, that might be less traumatic. You'd gradually lose your JW friends as you gradually build up a base of non-JW friends.
Any huge life change will take some getting used to. Marriage, divorce, moving across the country. You can expect to be a bit mixed up for awhile.
It will help if you immediately get your head around the fact that "worldly" people are actually just people, and are in the vast majority of cases decent, reasonable folks. Your neighbors, your coworkers, church members -- they're all good people. Go see for yourself.
Hang in there, it will get easier.
Dave
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Elsewhere
I looked around a bit and I managed to find the essay on the web...
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Lo-ru-hamah
Thank you.