by Tina 46 Replies latest jw friends
(((((((((billy)))))))))))
Standing Ovation on your post!!!! it doesn't get any clearer and succinct than that!! WTG! luvto ya.
(((dana)))))))) that's what sis' are for. You helped me when I needed it too. And the journey..............continues sweetie! luv,T
((((Tina))))
Thank you for your encouragement! I like the fact that this journey doesn't have to be completely lonely for me anymore. Thanks to people like you and Dana and Tracey and others too numerous to mention on this board! (You know who you are!)
Many times you voice what I don't have the courage to voice, but today my little lamb decided NOT to be silent. ROAR! I cry as I write this, but my heart is filled with courage! Thank you for your words of wisdom dear!
Sisterly love,
Andrea McElfresh
(((((((((billy))))))))) cryin in happiness with you!!!!!!!!!!
What a breakthrough! What music the lambs roar makes!!! The music for justice!! The music of 'No more!" The music of freedom! Roar my sister ROAR love you! (Do you have my email? if not Ill send it hun.Luv,T
(((((((((Andi)))))))),
You ARE courageous girl!!!! You are....
This has been such a down day for me and I don't have any good words to write but I had to respond to your post. As Tina says, the journey does continue to get better, even tho it doesn't much feel like it today.
Major hugs to you Andi and to you Tina....
love,
Dana
"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."
Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"
(((DANA)))
Thank you too for your encouragement. It just really irks me when people who have NEVER been abused make light of other people's situations. How dare they try to speak on behalf of a silentlamb when they think it a minor issue!!! There are so many other silentlambs out there that we don't even know about. But Tina's post just showed me how far I've come and much farther I have to go. A wonderful reminder!
Andi
Tina,
Thank you for bringing up this most useful subject. I am commenting further to bring this subject back up top for those who may have missed it.
I also wanted to add another one of Ellis's ideas. He states that we are in a bad situation, we have one of four choices.
1. Change it. Is the situation such that we can change it to a positive one?
2. Get out of it. If we are in a situation that we can't change. Can we get out if it, and get into a more healthy environment?
3. Put up with it. If we can't change or get out of it, we may feel trapped. However, if we cope with it and minimize the impact, we are better off than if we continually ruminate over the situation.
I think that a lot of stress comes in when we can not decide if we can or can not change or get out of a situation. We tend to vacilate in our minds with out doing anything.
4. Be miserable. If we can't change, leave, or cope, then remaining miserable is our last option, and not a very good one.
Although, the ten sentences that Tina posted, the ABCD model I described, and our 4 options are easy to read and understand, but hard to follow. Why? Because all of us have years of habitual thinking that takes time to over come. Sometimes we do need a reminder of a better way of thinking. Every time I describe these ideas to someone else, I feel better. I need a reminder now and then myself.
((((((((larc)))))))))))
Thank you for posting the needed follow-up!
The ABCD model and 4 options!
It's a very pro-active model to choose and make positive changes in our thinking and life!
Thanks again for rounding that out! hugs,T
Enjoyed reading this thread.
Larc, you are very good at being succinct.
I like that.
I just wanted to add that I have worked a
lot on changing negative beliefs and identifying
cognitive distortions.
1. It is difficult to identify the beliefs
causing the problem because they so engrained
and automatic, it's hard to catch them.
Journaling helped me with that.
2. I also work with affirmations a lot to
replace a faulty belief with a more positive
one. Affirmations need to be written and
stated in a positive form. Shad Helmstetter
wrote some good books on that topic. One
book I can name specifically is "What To say
When You Talk To Yourself."
Quester
Quester,
Your comments made me think of something else that Ellis said that really struck me. It had to do with self esteem. He said, "I can not give you a good rational reason to have high self esteem. I can only tell you from a practical point of view, it works better." That is not an exact quote but it is pretty close. He would say that we should accept ourselves no matter if we succeed or fail in a particular situation. We should simply "choose" to like ourselves, no matter what.
There used to be a book entitled, I'm OK Your Ok. Ellis never said this, but I think his response would be, "I'm not OK, your not OK, so what." In other words, we are all imperfect doing the best we know how.
Hi Quester,
I agree,journaling helps immensely!
That's one of the tools that can assist us in 'cleaning out' that thinking. Many of those thought patterns that Ellis identified are reinforced by WT indoctrination. That's why it takes real actual work upon leaving to change that thinking. An individual just can't walk away and think that's all that's necessary. We must use all the tools available to us to make these changes,as others have mentioned. Thanks for your thoughts.regards,Tina
