Shunning: Is it really a bad thing? (page 2)

Joel Wideman

The way people behave when in a cult is largely due to their cult persona, which is layered over their real selves. The behavior displayed while in a cult may be entirely different than their behavior once they are deprogrammed and the real persona is freed.
But that isn't to say that some people are simply natural jerks.

Purza

If you're being shunned you may want to ask yourself if you really want to communicate with your JW family and friends as they are now. You may find that what you actually desire is a normal relationship; and that may not be possible while they remain JWs.

What a great point. I never really thought about that before, but I think you are on to something.

Purza

Golden Girl

Thanks for your reply Thinker. I didn't know that the JW's would give a memorial in a home. I had my JW hubby's in a KH and didn't enjoy it at all.

The speaker hardly mentioned him at all..but it was what he wanted..

He also wanted his ashes spread out in the flowers at his KH..even tho he barely knew anyone there.I haven't had the nerve to let go yet.

I keep thinking what if they sell the hall? He'll end up under asphalt...or a cross...bummer...what to do....

Snoozy..

evita

After I left the dubs in my early 20's, my mother shunned me for 10 years. At first I was devastated. Then I realized I could do nothing about it so I began to make a new life for myself out in the so-called world. In retrospect, those 10 years were a blessing. Instead of spending emotional energy on beating dead horses I worked, got my degree, got married and had three kids. I did submerge a lot of my pain and anger towards the org that would come up later to haunt me. But the reprieve allowed me to create a life for myself and I am so grateful for that. The complete break was painful but necessary for me to move on.
It's ironic how shunning can have the opposite effect of what's intended. They think we'll cave and come groveling back. But a taste of freedom can be an amazing thing.
Eva

jwfacts

That was one of the funniest things i have read about shunning.

I am a bit worried about being d'd, as the elders are in a bit of a fluster about me at the moment. I called an old friend who was d'd several years ago. She said being shunned could actually be far better for me, it would help me move on. Reading your thread makes me think she may be right.

lisavegas420

It's ironic how shunning can have the opposite effect of what's intended. They think we'll cave and come groveling back. But a taste of freedom can be an amazing thing.

Eva

Ain't that the truth.

Good post thinker...I wish it could be different, but that is exactly the way my parents would be. The rare times I force myself to call...and it's only been once in the last 3 years, (cause like your wifes' they won't call me) I know that parents on the phone are not the parents I want. They are sad shells of who the could be.

I called them a month or so ago, for the first time in three years. My dad has had a stroke, they are selling their house, they haven't seen one of my younger brothers in over a year. All the things that normal family would already know about their parents. I also found out that they went to GA to see my sister and go with her and her family to the assembly. Then they enjoyed it so much, that they went a second time to the assembly their KH is assigned to. In Dayton...less than 15 minutes from my house. No call nothing....

Anyway...at the end of the phone call, I said mom next time I in KY can we stop by for a visit. (it's beem 7 years) she says, call first...we might be busy or not at home. (Yeah, whatever,..... they might be not at home my ass....how about they might be knocking on people's doors that they didn't call first.) But I said, ok....then I said "I love you" and she said..."bye" and hung up.

sorry to vent in your thread...

lisa

jwfacts

One of the other threads asks if it is a cult. Lisa your answer is all the proof that is needed. It breaks my heart.

Gill

Hi thinker! Snap! We have the same problem, in that having been shunned by husbands family, a relative has died and while the estate etc is being sorted they are unshunning us. God! It hurts! Long live shunning!

Life was so good when they were ignoring us. Mind you, I should set the record straight here, in that they're only speaking to my husband. They ignore me and turn their backs on our children even if they run into them in the street.

As for your view that they're liars, deceitful, etc my husbands family, though appearing respectable, are the biggest bunch of crooks, liars etc. If the Inland Revenue or the DSS actually found out what they were up to....well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty to see your Mother in law in Jail, even if she is a nasty ass!

So...roll on the end of the estate and dealings with JWs.

By the way...though my parents don't shun me, they seem to think I'm Satan's best friend and are very patronizing when I try to have fun rubbing their noses in WTBTS shit. OK! I was a very good teenager and never caused any trouble. The way I figure it...my time has come to be that bad teenageer. No wonder kids enjoy causing their parents trouble and anguish. It's fun! Certainly gives me insight on how to handle my kids!

Hope your shunning continues again soon for you!

tall penguin

I've been thinking about this alot lately. I disassociated in August and although my jw parents are still talking to me, it's been strained and distant. We're supposed to have a family meeting next week (with my non-dub brother too) and discuss "issues." My brother gave me a heads up and said my mom is still resentful about the pain I put HER through 6 years ago when I got disfellowshipped so I'm assuming our family meeting is really going to be a pity party for my mom. With the never-ending drama, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I should shun them!
I think too about my future children. I don't want them to be exposed to this religion nor my mother's craziness. Most days, I wish she would shun me. I'd still like to hold on to my Dad though. He's pretty cool.
tp

GetBusyLiving

:She blinked slowly, had this creepy smile on her face...over the years her voice has taken on this inhumanly airy lilt, kind of like Snow White on Xanax.

Sounds like a Dub ex-girlfriend of mine. What a freaking cultist that chick turned out to be. Scary yet somewhat funny somehow.

Shunning doesnt bother me at all. Everyone I care about is in my life right now.

GBL

Shunning: Is it really a bad thing?

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