by MM090503 21 Replies latest jw friends
I know this sounds so crazy to everyone and I know I'll probably get warned against it, but it's what I want .... And after this summer being broken up, I know that I cannot live without him, he is my everything.
Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?"
Good luck to you!
I'm sure HE has the best of intentions, but do you really think they are going to tolerate him having a Christmas tree in his home, etc? He will be pressured to exercise his headship over you and overrule your desire to have holidays for the children. As the head of the household, he will have to forbid birthdays, Christmas, etc. AND raise up his children as Jehovah's Witnesses. He will not be found suitable for "priveleges" or advancement to Ministerial Servant or Elder so long as his family is worldly.He will be guilt tripped about their destruction at Armageddon if he doesn't. And yes, what if a blood transfusion should ever be necessary? Will he be able to respect your wishes for your own self, or for the children? They will force him to make a choice and it may be heart wrenching for both of you. Best wishes, I hope you two can make it work out.
Just remember on down the road if things go badly for you and the relationship is unhappy you said:
it's what I want
You've made your decision, and as my Dad used to say; "You made your bed now you got to lie in it." The thing is don't whine about it later, because ultimately it was your choice. I wish you and him the best.
I forgot to add, if you don't mind an entire congregation knowing the intimate details of your life-- how would this occur you ask? like the Catholic faith that asks you to tell your sins to a Priest, jw's want you to 'confess' your sins to an elder, unlike the Catholic Priest who is bound by confidentiality, the elder blabs everything to his wife who in turn blabs everything to the other women in the cong. With all this blabbing going on only one conclusion can be made, you are of satan. Now go crawl in bed with a man who hangs around with people who think you are of satan and claims he doesn't believe any such nonsense, but secretly probably has some fears of such. Ask him if he looks foward to watching the birds eat out your eyeballs and then helping to dispose of your bones when the big A comes.
hmm, sorry, sounding a bit testy today aren't I? well, it all still hold true.
I'm leaving the JWs after being one most of my life and all of my 20 year marriage. My husband is an elder.
If you are married to a JW, he is considered the head of the household. It doesn't matter that you want to celebrate holidays... he has the obligation to forbid it in his home. A quote from the elder's manual, "Pay Attention to Yourselves and All the Flock", p. 95 under the subheading 'Apostacy' (as grounds for disfellowshipping from the JW congregation): "Celebrating a false religious holiday would be similar to performing any other act of false worship. (Jer. 7: 16-19)"
Also on the same page: "Idolatry. (1 Cor. 6:9,10; 10:14) Idolatry includes the possession and use of images and pictures that are employed in false religion." Your cross is considered an idolatrous symbol, and the possession of it is grounds for disfellowshipping from the JWs.
Those are just 2 examples. My point is that your boyfriend is not nearly as free as he may think to 'allow' you to raise children who celebrate the holidays, who take karate class, who attend church with you, etc. The suggestion to have your boyfriend read Franz's book "Crisis of Conscience" is a good one. You should read it together.
Good luck to you, whatever you do.
GGG
Best of luck !! Whatever happens, please be true to yourself and do not allow others to manipulate you.
All the comments above are dead on. Your BF does not yet realize what HE is in for!!! As soon as you are married he will be expected to be the HEAD of the house and make ALL the major decisions, no matter what you discussed previously. He will be disfellowshipped for allowing celebration of birthdays, Halloween, Christmas, etc. Also, if there are any children, he will be expected to bring them to the KH and they WILL NOT BE ALLOWED to go to other churches!!! You did not indicate whether he was baptized yet or not...that makes a BIG difference even in what they are telling him.
One couple told their experience on becoming JW's: They met in SF, got married and had kids. The husband started studying with the Witnesses and she was Catholic. It did not set well with her or her family. He got baptized and then things went really crazy. She was left alone most of the time as he took the kids to the meetings and out in service. Between work and the meetings/service she saw her husband very little. She decided that she could either divorce him or join him. As she loved him very much she decided to study...all during that time she was allowed to think anything and research anything. After her baptism she learned very quickly that she had limited options. No more voicing opinions, no research, etc. She wasn't crazy about the effect this crazy isolation was having on her kids but continued to keep the family together. Fast forward 20 years...both have faded and now are very unhappy that they gave up the best years of their life for this cult. It has taken it's toil on the entire family, including the children...they feel they were deprived of a normal childhood and have issues.
I also know a guy who was baptized, ran off and married his high school sweetheart. She is also Catholic. You can not possibly imagine the pressure these 2 are under constantly! I don't see how they are going to keep it together. They have a child and he takes her to the meetings by himself and she is not allowed to take her to church. He takes her out in service and is patted on the back for doing all this. They all gossip about the wife and say what a bad mother she is not to be there with the child. I can only imagine what they will say to her as she gets older...like "You have to realize that your mom is going to die at Armageddon, and you need to prepare yourself for this!" Think how this undermines the authority and respect the child should have for her mother. (By the way, the guy was privately reproved, and lost all his priviledges for quite some time! A number of people at the KH shunned him for a long time also.)
Think long and hard about this, your happiness is at stake. Do you want to look back in 20 years and regret your life?
I was raised a JW and I regret that, even though it wasn't my fault. You can not even comprehend what that does to a child. I would equate it to being raised in a prison camp. Some deal with it better than others but nonetheless it leaves you scarred for life. Do you want that for your children?
Swalker
Hi, MM, I remember you!
Yes, I've been married to a JW for coming on three years now. Sometimes I get mighty resentful how the society dictates so much of my married life. I really would like to have my husband for my own.
I remember you as a sensible girl who tried many ways to get your boyfriend to see another side to spirituality. If I remember right, he was pulled back in because of a desire to be closer to his father. It truly is amazing how strong the society's pull is.
Yes, there are very nice people at the Kingdom Hall. I usually get along great as long as we don't bring up spiritual subjects. Specific irritants for me are, "The world is going downhill", I say "Prove it!". Or, "Christendom's Churches are pagan", or "Look at all the problems in Christendom's Churches" and I feel like shouting, "Clean your own house first!" and finally, "Don't worry dear, you will get used to it." I don't see why I have to "get used" to an organization that I believe, abuses people. Not the rank and file, but the organizational structure as a whole, the elder arrangement, and the secret Judicial Committee proceedings.
Continue to provide spiritual alternatives to your fiancee. Let him see that God lives outside of the Kingdom Hall. Stand tall, be brave, and if you need to chat, I'm here.
