Isnt the one thing they have taught you in the hall is that jehovah reads hearts? The God that I believe in now that Im away from that controlling unloving organization is that God and Religion are juxtaposed . God cant possibly have anything to do with groups of people who hate other groups of people because their beliefs are different than their own. Or a religion who believes they own Gods loyalty exclusively and only they have Gods ear in prayer and only their ways are the ways to any sort of salvation. All bogus.
Frankly my love, God, Jehovah, if you will, is the least of your worries. He always will love you and your spiritual journey. The JWs would have you think your spiritual journey ends at the Kingdoom Hall doors. Keep on knocking, keep on seeking....THATs what you do. :)