What amazes me joe is how similar your exact situation is to so many here in recent months, myself included. my suggestion would be to take it slow if you can stomach a few meetings here and there for your wife's sake. I made up my mind to completely stop and it has made my marriage harder then it would have been to slowly slow down. My problem was that I could not take the indoctrination classes anymore, there was no benefit to be at the meetings learning a group of men's ideas with no opportunity to have a meaningful discussion.
im sure you have learned already that there are many that have a deep seated hatred for the WT, please remember that many have lost parents, children, relatives, best friends, and an entire network of friends over the course of a lifetime, all in an instant. the feelings of abandonment and isolation are powerful and are damaging, but this is the desired effect of the policy, from the policy makers. Please be patient wih the wide variety of opinions on this board. The open discussion on this board can keep you from feeling alone, there are many in your situation and many that want to help. Good luck in all your endeavors.