Thanks for sharing the rest of your story, that took a lot of guts. I think your healing is beginning with writing out your trauma.
I find it very sad indeed when a person with a "good heart" has so much emotional grief, makes a few mistakes and then gets the "boot" when they really need to be shown "love and attention". The elders quizzing you as to " what do you want to do?" ...Heck, they didn't catch on to the fact of the "whole facts"....At a time when you need to be shown true Christian Love, they were NOT there for you.
It has been my experience that when I have suffered emotional turmoil, I have found that the elders are NOT trained for those issues...they are literally helpless (the only thing they are trained in, is scriptural therapy). There are a few good elders out there, that have experienced life, and some things that we experience. These elders truly know how to shepherd the flock, because they have "walked in our shoes"...
Take care Zero...you will find the comfort and support that you need to "heal" here.
Codeblue