Ultimately it was Ray Franz's book that helped me make my mind up that there indeed were problems all the way to the top.
I Read COC but can't seem to get through ISOCF with all the changes and fires I am now managing in my still-awakening and mid-fade plans. Initially though, I stumbled on e-watchman and his original Paradise Cafe where I learned about UN. It made a huge dent and impression but spouse and elder friends tried to reason me back in and I decided to stick it out and try harder while family was dealing with health crisis. I needed faith and friends and with all the crises, I put my trust in J and head down to submit to my spiritual headship as a dutiful wife, sister, etc....it lasted many years...
When lack of love and hypocrisy became truly attacking and damaging to my family, despite doing all I could with balancing service, work, family, I turned to Internet again and found an abundance of shocking info that I previously would not dare to read. JWSurvey, JWfacts and this site also helped....Barbara Anderson, Silent Lambs. It all helps/ed but, at times, it can be overwhelming when compounded with confusion, anger, regret, shame, friends, family, kids, spouse. Breathing and working my way through what seems like a grieving cycle but not exactly.
I am Implementing positive healing, seeking contentment in my authenticity, and restructuring my self-esteem. I find theses topics vital and lacking on all these sites. It is a bit too much negative and depressing sometimes, thus I am working on a better plan to incorporate healthy, upbuilding habits and treatments.
peace