Hi Strugglingrsa,
I too struggled with smoking when I left the JW's. I stopped when my son was born, but even now, 4 years later, I'll have the odd cigarette when I'm in the pub. It's awfully hard to stop. This is what I tell myself though:
"You are basically an awesome human being, who occasionally fails in your goal to not smoke."
You see, I don't deny that I fail, but I do deny that I am defined by my failings.
From reading your post I get the impression that you are the same. You are a good, decent, honest person and your wife is as lucky to be married to you as you are to be married to her!
You could consider your current position as a great opportunity to properly study the bible. Think about it, no avenue of study is closed to you now. Anything that doesn't sit right with you, you don't have to blindly accept and "wait on Jehovah", you can reject or accept it based on the facts. You can pursue the truth wherever it leads you and no man can tell you not to.
AS for the awful shunning situation, once you can change your thinking to the fact that you're a great guy, you'll see that they are only hurting themselves by excluding you. It still hurts, but the reality is that they are victims who are trapped in a lie, doomed to live their lives by other men's rules.