Hi there I found your posts most interesting as I am adult survivor of repeated molestation by a witness who had become an elder by the time I went public with my story. I can only say from my own point of view that involving external agencies had to be MY decision. I had to do it when I was ready. The only difference is that I was not a witness (my father and brothers are and it was my brothers best friend who abused me) so I was more interested in seeing him face the police than the elders. Before I was ready to "go public" 4 years ago I did make an anonymous call to social services on the understanding that I would never know the outcome of their investigation - but as he later admitted to my dad he had "put them off the scent". It is really up to Jared and Chad what they need to happen to feel that they have had justice - I wanted my abuser to take responsibiliy for his actions but although he admitted it he tried to say that I had led him on (I was 10 he was 21)and that it was my fault. I was let down by the police who let him off with a caution and 3 years on the sex offenders register and by the elders who allowed him to step down "on personal grounds" and covered up for him - it is only because my parents tell people that they know the real truth - however he is still in good standing so I'm not sure what he'd have to do to be publically reproofed (probably something really serious like smoking!!) Anyway - to the point. If you want to go to the police to salve your own concience then that's probably not a good call - you will be forcing Jared and Chad to revisit their pain. If you want to do "something" then I'd suggest asking the two young men how they feel first or just give the authorities an anonymous tip-off (although you may always be wondering if that was enough). Don't beat yourself up about it - 8 years ago it was usual practice to keep it "in house" - it's only since dateline that elders have been under more pressure to involve the secular authorities.
neverin
JoinedPosts by neverin
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37
Former elder wants your advice--PART 4
by Confession inso now that the entire midwestern region seems to know about this "confidential" judicial committee, i suppose it was time to get started with it.
we arranged to have both accusers come at specific times.
i ask, please, for your level-headed, thoughtful advice.
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Are Jehovah's Witnesses Truly Honest?
by minimus injws pride themselves in being the "most honest people on earth".
could you refute that claim??
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neverin
Considering they don't want to be a part of 'this system' a load of people in my dads cong are falsely claiming state benefits whilst knocking doors all day. A builder in my brothers cong is telling people he cant take on any work at the moment as his sister-in-law has recently passed away and the family is in mourning he is full of bull **** the family didn't even go to her funeral!!
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Kids say the funniest things!
by whyamihere inmy daughter lily is 3 years old.
she is now asking me all the body parts(all of them).
now i am not one to hold back so i told her what she has and what her little brother has when she asked.. so anyway..... now she sings songs about it.
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neverin
It seems here in the UK that we are pretty much agreed that a penis is a 'willy' but I've heard a vagina being called all sorts - in our house its a 'tuppence' I've heard it called 'front bottom' 'girly bits' 'peach' 'flower' 'twinkle' plus loads more. What is our problem with naming female genetalia?
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Kids say the funniest things!
by whyamihere inmy daughter lily is 3 years old.
she is now asking me all the body parts(all of them).
now i am not one to hold back so i told her what she has and what her little brother has when she asked.. so anyway..... now she sings songs about it.
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neverin
My friend was having a bath one evening when her son was about 5, he was in the bathroom talking to her when suddenly he called to his dad - "come and look dad it's a shame for mom she's only got the fluff" My very nearly 11 year old daughter is constantly asking questions about sex - last week she asked if me and her dad had sex in bed as we sleep in the nude - I assured her that nudity doesn't mean sex, but sometimes you can keep your socks on:)
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24
So p*****d off - need to offload
by neverin ini am so angry - i've been a long term lurker here and an occasional poster but i have just got to offload tonight.
mom and i have never been 'in the truth' but my dad and 2 brothers are.
tonight my dad told me that last night he resigned as an elder (which for me personally is great) but the reason is that because both my parents have health issues, especially mom, my dad has been given 6 months to get his act together and put some more hours in field service as he is 'not leading by example'.
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neverin
Thanks to you all for your support. This is the only place I can come to reassure myself that I was right not to follow my Dad into the borg and also to see that perhaps there is hope of my dad eventually fading - not so sure about my two brothers (elders, married into it, kids etc) but perhaps they will see that it if it can happen to their dad they had better keep their backs to the wall to avoid the knives.
Thanks again - I'm always lurking around so perhaps I'll have some happier news in the future.
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24
So p*****d off - need to offload
by neverin ini am so angry - i've been a long term lurker here and an occasional poster but i have just got to offload tonight.
mom and i have never been 'in the truth' but my dad and 2 brothers are.
tonight my dad told me that last night he resigned as an elder (which for me personally is great) but the reason is that because both my parents have health issues, especially mom, my dad has been given 6 months to get his act together and put some more hours in field service as he is 'not leading by example'.
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neverin
I am so angry - I've been a long term lurker here and an occasional poster but I have just got to offload tonight. Mom and I have never been 'in the truth' but my dad and 2 brothers are. Tonight my Dad told me that last night he resigned as an elder (which for me personally is great) but the reason is that because both my parents have health issues, especially Mom, my Dad has been given 6 months to get his act together and put some more hours in field service as he is 'not leading by example'. My fabulous Mom, who has put up with so much, has offered to leave my Dad so that he can dedicate himself to the WTBS but thankfully he has seen enough crap going on to realise that when push comes to shove it is my Mom who will always be there for him. He has resigned from his position of elder, H&S overseer for the quickbuilds and as cong secretary. What gets my goat is that 35 years of loyal service to his cong means nothing. Despite my Mom being 'worldly' she has never refused to help anyone and has accompanied my dad on many occasion (even in the middle of the night) to help others, my dad has always put the WTBS first, despite having us 3 kids, working shifts and having an 'unbelieving mate' and yet just because he and mom are now in their late 60's and have these ongoing health issues he is no longer 'worthy'. Amazing then that the man who abused me as a child (later to become an elder) was allowed to 'step down' for personal reasons after he had been arrested and the conregation were never told that they had a child molester amongst them yet my dad is put in an untenable position just because he is not physically fit enough to spend all of his time knocking doors. It is easy enough for those to point the finger who are spending hours every day 'on the work' who are also claiming state benefits paid for by my taxes yet those for whom it is a real labour get kicked in the teeth as soon as they start falling behind. I have not heard of one offer of help to spend time with mom or take her to any of her medical appointments whilst dad puts in the hours, but then I really beleive that it has been a set up as quite a few noses were put out of joint when dad insisted on making public the events surrounding the handleing of my abuser.
Anyway I've got that off my chest but would appreciate any comments.
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Nice Melons at assemblies....
by fleaman uk ingrowing up in the 70,s and 80,s i remember at the dc in twickenham ,london ,the 1 item of food that was always liked by us kids was a slice of melon!!
i think they were about 4 tickets each (??
)...i must have been very easily pleased because that was a rare highlight... (i never liked the drama much even as a kid).. i dont have too many bad memories of the religion,but i think that even little things like doing away with food at conventions made me question what the hell i was doing in it.
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neverin
Speaking of "melons" at assemblies I got a look at the minutes of a circuit meeting re suitable behaviour at assemblies and noted that females were to be discouraged from wearing short skirts in the tiered seating areas as people sitting below them could cop an eyeful. But the thing that made me really laugh was the item about making sure people put on sunscreen as at the previous assembly the brother chosen to wear a sandwich board promoting covering up in the sun had to be treated for sun stroke ;)
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A special message for everyone who was young in1969....
by Elsewhere inif you are a young person, you also need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this present system of things?
.all evidence in fulfillment of bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years?
as a young person you will never fulfill any career that this system offers.
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neverin
I was born in May 1969 to an elder Dad and an unbelieving Mom - the wierd thing is that my Dad was younger then (32) than I am now (35) and really believed that he would not get old. He is now 67 years old, arthritic with one kidney, looking after my Mom who herself has many health problems. How ironic that out of his 3 kids (I've 2 older brothers, both elders) it is me - the "worldly" offspring and my husband and kids who see my parents most regularly. One brother sees them every week - only ever at my parents house (never asks them back to their own home) to be fed and watered and to borrow their car, the other only sees them once or twice a month when he's not being "a very busy person". Yet I make time to take my family to see them every week, have them over for Xmas dinner, spoil them on special occasions (+ extra treats), take them to the theatre etc.
I don't want to sound sancitmonious (sp?) but I hope that I always do my best by everyone, so how sad that my Dad and brothers believe themselves to be more worthy of saving than me and mine.
Oh well in another 35 yrs my parents will be gone and my brothers will still be deluding themselves that "the end is nigh"
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Coronation Street
by glitter inkaren macdonald is an exjw apparently.
she's upset and talking about being disfellowshipped, being rejected on the ministry and not having birthdays!
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neverin
I noticed the JW references to "being on the ministry", "being disfellowshiped", "being shunned by the elders" and "no birthdays" but the one error was the reference Karen made to all sinners "going to hell". Other than that anyone with JW connections will have pricked up their ears at those familiar "loving" phrases.
BTW anyone missing corrie should go to Mike Plowman's Coronation Street Visual Update site, screen captures and scene by scence commentry for corrie episodes for UK, Canada and Australia. http://www.csvu.net/
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Coronation Street Shocker!
by choks in.
just watched coronation street...is karen macdonald an ex dub??????????
chok
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neverin
Hi, from what I've read in the TV pages I don't think the religion is actually specified, but I'd guess that any cult escapee will identify with Karen.