It looks like you have woken up hard and fast to TTATT and are expecting your wife to do the same.
IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
My ongoing post:
Remember that truth and logic are not relevant.
Go slow. Have a long-term game plan and chip, chip away.
You can win a frontal attack, and lose the war. Avoid frontal attacks at all costs (including the birthday incident - avoid these things).
All Dubs have been infected with a potent virus that controls their thinking.