so many prayers.. consuming.
the obligation.. when did you realize you were talking to yourself?.
I unknowingly knew all along, as anytime I would try to pray out loud while alone I felt like a fool and could not finish.
I gave what must be hundreds of public prayers.
All rambling nonsense.
With an audience, somehow, jehobo was listening.
25 years of waiting for any kind of answer or direction was finally enough for my 'faith'.
Gullible does not begin to describe my state of mind.
so many prayers.. consuming.
the obligation.. when did you realize you were talking to yourself?.
So many prayers.
Consuming. The obligation.
When did you realize you were talking to yourself?
this a question more out of curiosity, because we have not stepped foot in a kh in 3 years.. how is the attendance at the meetings/assemblies?
i know the answer will vary due to location.. are you (especially elders) receiving any notification or communication from bethel or co's that there is an upsurge of people that are simply disappearing or out right dis associating?.
thanks, in advance, for your feedback!
One of the last stage assignments I had before walking away from it all, at the assembly day, there was ZERO baptized.
It had all of our attention backstage.
The speaker had to give the baptism prayer for NO ONE!
Never seen that before.
I've been away from the meetings since 2013 and I noticed the growth was not substantial and the attendance in Napa was around 65-75% with very few studies attending the meetings.
Four congregations merged into three around five years ago.
It gave the impression that attendance was "up", but that didn't last.
There have been many deaths in the last five years, locally.
At least ten, several being Elders or MS.
Everyone sees it, but few inside even notice.
it the question that i have found myself constantly asking myself the past few months.
out of all the jws i interact with, why did it have to be me that woke up from this mess?.
i am relieved that i have woken up to the bullshit, but a side of me misses that fuzzy feeling of being a 100% believer.
The Matrix does come up.
"Why didn't I take the blue pill?"
i haven't posted anything for a bit, but wanted to express how i am losing this battle.
it has been over 3 years now since i woke up about watchtower.
the battle that i am talking about is the tug of war with my wife (i adore her immensely), watchtower is winning, she simply will not give in to my so-called negative thoughts about the religion that we are in.
I chose to stay with my JW wife and let life be what it is.
I'm glad i did.
She is, too.
hubby is on my team.
i know i'm going to be way happier.
i might even meet up with the apostafest in colorado with you guys.
I like smoking, too.
Freedom is yours.
hello to everyone.. i hope you are all well and sorting things out between yourselves.
i have temporary internet access which is probably a good thing for now.
i have been contacted by the arc in a respectful and loving manner today.
Thank you for everything you have done.
Know you have my support and I applaud the courage you have to share your experiences with us.
The outcome of the process will improve and shape the future for the rights of children. This will only result in good.
my first post here and unfortunately it is asking for help.. i was a born in jehovah's witness and from my earliest memories, i know i hated being one.
i hated the embarrassment of being the "outsider" at school and i hated not being allowed to have any friends.
of course i had the obligatory friends in the kingdom hall - none of whom were my age exactly and none of whom i would have personally chosen to be friends with if i had been left to pick them myself in a natural setting.
It has been difficult to tell some of my friends that I was a witness.
I actively started perusing 'worldly' friends around 2004.
I did not witness to them or judge them.
( decade long JW double-life )
Many 'knew', but did not care. Now all these years later, when I have ZERO JW friends, the 'worldly' friends are still by my side.
( the term worldly is stupid )
Everyone I tell is supportive. None have suggested returning to Jive-Hobo...
i am 32 years and have recently left the organisation.
i got baptised in last feb. please excuse any typing errors i have dyslexia.
it has been so hard this year i have gone through so many ups and downs.
Having to choose between 1. family love and living a lie in captivity or 2. freedom seems like a hard choice- at first. A cruel choice.
After 25 years in and now 6 month out, I can tell you, in all honesty:
I wish I had the courage to disassociate immediately and without hesitation at my first doubts and early discovery of the cult and TTATT.
---
I imagine it to be a bit like skydiving. That first leap out of an airplane must be chest-pounding, anxiety overload... until you survive.
but your welcome to come as guest we just will not talk to you stupid idiot
I get very upset when JWs do anything in their minds that they think might 'win us over without a word'.
My wife's sister sends over food for me now and then.
Her brother in law texted her to give me a message for a construction project.
Then the invites...
I hear:
"Hey, look at me! I care about you.
If you sit in the back of the KH and pretend you are obeying the GB until the eldurz are ready to judge you , then we will talk to you again..."
---
Never going to happen. NEVER.
{ That is, me going back to the KH or getting the invitation to do so )
