thank you all for your replies & comments
we have a wonderful marriage based on LOVE!! but there is an elephant in the room that just will not leave and that is the watchtower, she has been pretty weak in the faith for a number of years (she thinks that is my fault, cause I never really took the lead spiritually) bunch of B*&^ S!@#.
now she is starting to get a re-kindling and I feel like crap because I don't want to participate, but.... I just can't do it