Leela: However, I am worried about going back and dealing with him again and all the emotions it will bring and whether it is really worth going through it as he probably has not changed.
My question is if any of you have been DA or DF from your family and have had little to no contact did you reach out to your family members for closer later on? Or do any of you have any direct experience dealing with a JW family member who passed away? Did you get to go to the funeral? What happened? were you allowed at the service or the wake? How did you find seeing your family members after such a long time with no contact? Any comments would be helpful before I make the decisions to try to see my dad.
Yes, if you decide to go see your father, it will bring up all sorts of extreme and difficult emotions.
However, on the plus side, you will be in the position of being the one with the power. Going to see your father could be quite healing for you - just to be physically in the room with him when he is powerless and you have all the power, could be very empowering for you.
He will be the one who is sick and without power - you will be the powerful one. You will have the strength when he has none. You will no longer be the child with the powerful father - you will be the adult with all the power.
Good luck. And don't forget that you are all grown up now - you are no longer that child without power. Walk into the room as the adult woman you are. Bravely and without fear.