Blackwolf: She told me that Jehovah holds me accountable for my sins regardless of wether I am babtized or not so I have no reason to be holding back because it won't change anything.
I don't think your mother has the WT doctrine down correctly. It has been a loooong time since I was a JW, but, back in the day....what she told you would be incorrect.
The teaching at the time that I was active was that the ones held accountable for the sins of an unbaptized minor are the parents.
Children are judged upon the sins of the mother and father. It is your mother that has to watch herself, not you. She is responsible for your 'salvation' based upon her behaviour, not yours.
She wants you to get baptized to relieve herself of that responsibilty.
Baptism is not the solution to loneliness but rather, it is the path to permanent isolation.
Hang in there, Blackwolf....just a couple more years and the world is yours. It is just waiting for you to join it.
:)