For a while, after stopping all meeting attendance and all JW activities it seemed like our lives (husband and self) were fragmenting and falling apart.
We simply were not coping with the trauma of not knowing who the hell we are anymore, what our lives mean outside of the Org, and reflecting on so much bad air about our lives as witnesses. The pressure we had put on eachother - or rather the pressure I had put on my husband as a WT wife, who was anxious to be perfect in the WT fashion. It all blew up. Years of repressed discomfort, dissonance and so much more.
Difficult to jolly along with other humans in a social way when you are confused and hurting internally.
The isolation was so painful, as was the realisation that we had partnered with a worldwide org that enforced Intellectual and spiritual subjection to the leaders who slipped and scuffled about 'truth' - whilst demonising those who dared to throw out honest questions, reasonable questions.
What a journey. For us, especially me - it was a battle to come to terms with myself. And it has clearly emerged that the radical shift caused a series of breakdowns for me.
Good folk here and in my daily life kindly strengthened me when I thought I was losing the plot - through PMs and forum posts - and together, my man and me - we're finding our balance.
I was talking to an athiest relative and explained to her, that for me, I cannot ignore my inner sense that there is 'something' driving this world, universe - I really believe we are all 'made in the image of God' but we are broken versions. That Christ, truly lived on this earth and truly come from 'above' - from another world, place, dimension.
And all creation will one day be reconciled.
I'm not meaning to preach - just I can't explain my position without explaining my current spiritual position... If that makes sense. Even if that position appears to be a delusion :-)
Our lives are taking shape. The fear of failure (whatever that is) has evaporated. The anxiety and depression has left.
Gradually our lives are filling up again.
I have made several new friends, over the past two to three years in real life who are proving to be 'stickers' - it takes time.
We are not beset by 'bad things' - or at least, not overcome by them - and there have been some tricky things to manage in the past couple of years.
Lose the superstitious fear that the WT culture encourages. It's all a lie.
There is hope. As folk said to me - one day at at a time.
