I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Many of us on this forum have experienced very similar if not almost identical situations.
What has sustained me through many dark nights is Bible reading but specifically the Apostle Paul's letters to the different congregations. The peace of mind comes from his words contrasting sharply with Watchtower teachings. These readings have brought inner peace to me in that I know I have Jehovah's approval without having to abide by the WT rules, regulations, policies, teachings, and flat out distortions, misinterpretations, out of context citations, and deceitful words.
It's not all the same for everyone but please stay strong mentally by allowing yourself some breathing room to take it all in. Cognitive dissonance can be very painful and distressing the first few times you experience it but never lose hope that Jehovah God through Jesus' sacrifice approve of you and your sincere doubts. The WT cares about how many hours you put in service, how many meetings you miss, and how many comments you make. That's all hogwash you don't need to excel in these to have divine approval. This is what the WT uses to keep people spinning their wheels. They could never say "you guys have God's approval" otherwise the ruse would be up. They need to continue to push people to do as much as they can in order to need more and more from the WT. Witnesses push themselves and their families in order to get that nod from the WT as being worthy of life. That is so wrong yet YOU are one of the few that actually realize it. That means you are a smart, intuitive person who actually recognizes the WT for what it is. Remain strong for your family. If I may recommend a good reading to you. In Search of Christian Freedom by Ray Franz. Also, I would urgently encourage you to research "physiological conditioning" and you'll be surprised how the WT uses this very subtle method to keep the flock in line.
You have much support from people on these boards. Always remember that the "Truth" the real "Truth" can stand up to any scrutiny that comes its way. And in the end, it will remain the "Truth."