Hi Nut,
I can't begin to understand what you're going through, not ever having been a JW myself. We all have our "down days", though, but you know what?.......things ALWAYS get better. And it always seems darkest before the dawn, you know? Please don't think of taking your life.....what a waste that would be. There are people who need you on this Earth. People who love you, care about you, look up to you. Are you a praying person?
Nan