There is a saying; "More papist than the pope." Present DF is softer than years ago, but some individuals still want to take it to the extreme, but such harshness is not required.
I cannot understand how some people can think that they can go around breaking the rules of society and still expect to be treated as a member. If you live in a house with a bunch of other people and you refuse to follow the rules that everybody else is following, you cannot live with everybody else, you can come back but you have to follow the rules. When you are not a member, you should not expect to be treated as one.
Albeit, you cannot shun your wife or your children. And it seems cruel to treat your family members with contempt because they are DF. It is also cruel not allowing parents or grandparents to see their loved ones. On the other hand, when DF JW relatives especially start sending easter bunnies and christmas cards, and calls on birthdays, and talk to children and grandchildren or JW relatives against JW, it gets to the point where JW does not want to deal with DF JW at all, but for those reasons and not because they are DF.