I know you mean well but its too late to go back now, I've already told them I'm going to do it.
No, it's not too late. It's not too late until you're actually under the water.
You can claim that you prayed about becoming baptized as you don't consider yourself ready yet. You continually think about Jesus example as the son of God, waiting until he was 30 before being baptized. If that wasn't an important consideration, why then did God feel it was important enough to mention it in the bible?
Honestly sometimes I feel like I have a split personality, jw me and whatever the real me is.
Further proof that you're not mature enough to commit to a decision that will effect the remainder of your life.