Posts by beebee

31

14 year old rejected by father for not becoming jw

by orbison11 in

jw
friends

ok quick recap of events leading to this.

my dtr married young to prominent family in wtbs...had dtr...dtr now 14 years old....my dtr left hubby and wtbs about 10 yrs ago....she is doing very well in life...... she told me today her 14 years old dtr has not heard from her father (x-hubby) for over a month....why i ask???

?because she does not want to become a jw...............he now basically has very little , if anything, to do with her due to this.

beebee

I still cannot comprehend the concept of such a drastic punishment of a child who is not making an adult decision. I could understand the parent who rejects an adult child who won't live by their standards. This happens all the time, for example if an adult child is an evil criminal or drug addict. Some parents do not reject their child under any circumstances, some do. And yes, I see a significant difference between a person not accepting a religion vs a person doing very evil things. But the rejection of an adult child, and why or why not, is an argument for a different thread.

But at 14 we are dealing with a child. A child who still needs love and guidance from both parents. Stupid father here who rejects a child for a decision she may still make (or not...but she is still a kid now and deserves a break). Kids, especially teens, make a lot of decisions that don't please their parents, however most grown into good adults despite their youthful errors. (and yes, in this case "error" is used broadly since whether or not she is making an error is a matter of opinion).

Why do they insist on requiring baptism earlier and earlier in life, instead of REQUIRING it to be an adult decision made with some maturity under the belt? Oh yeah..that would be logical....sigh...

31

14 year old rejected by father for not becoming jw

by orbison11 in

jw
friends

ok quick recap of events leading to this.

my dtr married young to prominent family in wtbs...had dtr...dtr now 14 years old....my dtr left hubby and wtbs about 10 yrs ago....she is doing very well in life...... she told me today her 14 years old dtr has not heard from her father (x-hubby) for over a month....why i ask???

?because she does not want to become a jw...............he now basically has very little , if anything, to do with her due to this.

beebee

It seems that some (not wishing to at all imply all dads) dads, after a divorce, can use the excuse "well her mother brainwashed her" when their child doesn't fit the mold he has for her. We aren't JWs, however my girls are going through a twisted version of this too.

The oldest, who has been living with him the last year and a half (long story as to why...) needs to stay until June to graduate from high school but he wants her out now because he has a new girlfriend living with them and her daughter is prettier, better student and mostly doesn't ever talk back (she's told my daughter she's scared of her mother and from what I hear, for good reason). My daughter stands up to him. Now he wants her out now, but I live 5 states away so he needs to keep her until June. The drama is unbelievable.

The younger daughter lives here, and he was so abusive to her last summer (he's a drunken ass) that she had a break down when she got home. She wants nothing to do with HIM and hasn't been back. For him, he tells everyone all is well and that she's been "too busy" with her school, theater group and work to visit. Yet he knows differently and doesn't even call her to chat.

I, of course, have brainwashed the girls to have no respect for adults and the size of his wallet.

I hope your granddaughter understands this is no failing of her own. On one level, she probably gets that, but there's a little girl in her that is still very likely hurt. They all want a good "daddy," too bad they don't all get one.

For ANY reason, rejecting your own child for being different from you is just wrong!

62

Is it ok to be critical of the pope yet?????????

by tyydyy in

jw
friends

censorship borg style.

somebody killed the pope's last poop thread just because someone else was offended when i mentioned that i think that he wasn't such a good guy.

if you think you might be offended by what's said in a thread then don't read it.

beebee

Pope ain't dead yet.

Besides, our country (USA) was founded on freedom of speech, even hate speech, and most of you left the borg for the very reason that you wanted freedom to think and speak.

Shouldn't this board reflect that basic American right, even though the board is populated by other nationalities as well?

46

i told my mother that i do not desire to be associated with jws anymore and

by drunkenpikachu in

she totally flipped out.

all i was trying to do was find some mutual respect for my decision but she started smacking, punching, pushing me.

soon after, she threw the biggest tantrum and it disgusted me to see her acting in such a manner.

beebee

You may need to talk to the police on this one. I think that in most states, as her closest family member you can commit her for 72 hours (psychiatric) against her will because she's a danger to herself and others. (uh..duh...)

Call the cops, tell them what happened and about her threats. Then I suggest you move out if you aren't already out of the house.

Take care. Abusive, controlling people don't give up easy. Th games will continue for awhile but your strength will win out eventually.

20

I shouldn't laugh ...but

by aniron in

last tuesday my jw nephew 26 yrs old, got df'd.

seems his jw father (my brother) and mother came home and caught him having sex, with a guy!!

seems they walked in when the guys were right in the middle of it.

beebee

Has you brother had any thoughts as to turning the congregation upside down by turning in all his partners? Would it be tough to come up with 2 witnesses?

17

Im a Catholic in love with a JW

by mistypink in

in a sense it's heartening to see so many other people in the same boat as i am.. i have many questions though after reading the other threads on this site.. my boyfriend's former girlfriends were catholics like me as well.

his dad is an elder and he hasn't been baptized yet.

we have had sex.

beebee

You said in your post:

And we've had this on again-off again relationship. It's like he keeps swinging between me and this girl he used to date before me.

Dub quirks and problems aside, that alone is a HUGE red flag. I know, I've had more of those then I care to admit to. It is a sign of an inability to commit, whatever the reasons (and you can't say he does this because of religion, because the other girl is not a dub either). In fact, there's a whole "syndrome" called commitment phobia and lots of books on why people who often really want to be in a happy relationship do this. Before I read the books, I called it "push me, pull me." Often this kind of person cannot ever commit, but if they do, it is usually to someone that either let them go (when they wanted out) or who pushes them away.

It hurts, it keeps hurting, and it doesn't stop unless one of you changes. Remember that old axiom "The definition of Insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results."

In a nutshell, this guy has issues that are very tough to impossible to overcome. I know how emotionally connected many women get to the first guy they "lose it" to, just remember that you deserve someone who treats you the way you should be treated, and who loves you dearly. Real love isn't one way.

A guy named "Steven Carter" wrote several books on Commitmentphobia if you have an interest in learning more, check 'em out at the bookstore.

Best of luck.

40

How do I know when it's love....

by DanTheMan in

jw
friends

i don't post a lot about my personal life here anymore but i have a situation that i'd like some feedback on.. i have been dating a for about 5 months.

she is a university professor, originally from madrid spain, speaks 3 languages, quite an interesting and intelligent lady.

however, i have also come to find that she is very insecure and somewhat childish emotionally.. she has brought up marriage several times, and i have tried to keep her at bay on this subject, as i just don't know if the relationship has that kind of feeling or not.. the problem is, i don't know what that feeling is supposed to be.

beebee

Can you see yourself with her at 70? Would you want her to raise your children (if you ever have any, but a good question even if you plan not to)? How do you feel when you are apart?

Love isn't necessarily rational and there are so many scared to death to be alone that will marry darn near anyone, just because they have no way of knowing if something better will come along.

Remember, marriage is a business as much as it is a friendship. How well can you manage the business end of things? Money, the right to be a separate entity (IMHO a good relationship is three entities, him, her and them - or the equivalent gay partnership). If you have to give up yourself to have the other person, you will be miserable.

A break of a month or two, time for the sex cravings and fear of loneliness to pass, will give you a chance to look at your relationship from the outside in and perhaps a more honest appraisal. Yes, if you do this and decide you want her, she may be unavailable then, but....better to take that risk, then to jump and make a mistake.

I also agree 5 months and pressure for a ring is rediculous. If a relationship has what it takes to last a lifetime, what difference does it make if you wait to marry?

And I also agree...you won't have doubts when you find someone you really want to marry (even if she's not ms perfect)

15

Total fluff-Ebay purchases and shipping charges

by CaptainSchmideo in

jw
friends

has anybody noticed the trend of a lot of sellers to lure you in with a low price, only to find, in very tiny print at the bottom, the cost of shipping "and handling" usually being as much as the product itself?

i have seen sellers charge $70.00 to send a "buy it now" item that costs $100.00.

insanity!.

beebee

The two reasons mentioned above - giving the impression of a great bargain while still protecting your actual minimum selling price and to lower the amount paid in eBay fees (they get a percentage of the sales price) are the primary reasons sellers do this.

I don't care for it because I think it makes the seller look sleazy (I tried padding the shipping once and got nasty questions from someone, decided it wasn't worth risking the feedback as a little seller. A bigger seller isn't as hurt by a little bad feedback).

One possible advantage to a buyer would be if it was one of the rare instances when sales tax would apply, in which case the shipping and handling is not taxed.

One warning on the "Calculate Shipping" box, when a seller lists that option, they can include any handling charge they want, so don't assume that isn't padded (I have seen instances when it was very padded).

I won't buy from a seller who doesn't list shipping costs up front unless I can email them ahead of time, and I get an appropriate response.

Like others said - Read the description very carefully. I have caught other instances of potential fraud that way - like the ass that kept advertising "Information on how to get a Playstation 2 for free." His ad was written very, very cleverly so it really looked like a real machine was being offered (with a 99 cent starting bid), but all he sold was a link to one of those websites where you have to complete an offer to get a free gift (spend money). It said it was info, but I watched him for a while (and kept reporting it to ebay) and he got as much as $140 for that "info." Almost all the bidders were newbies, and all of the winners had either never bought anything, or only bought on ebay once or twice before.

Oh, and warning on those "complete an offer for a freebee" sites. I actually did one of those (wanted that particular offer anyway) but never got the gift.

20

Need a little advice on calorie counting and weight loss

by Leander in

i just started working out again over the last month after a layoff of about 10 years.

so my questions are how can i find out how many calories a 280 pound guy burns off just doing everyday activities?

how do i determine how many calories i need to take in to maintain the muscle i have but still burn off fat?.

beebee

Oh...and I agree with your weight training 100%. There's many, many reasons it is almost a MUST not just for weight loss, but the hard part - keeping it off. Cardio is good for burning calories and definitely helps keep the heart healthy, but it isn't enough. In fact if you have to choose between weights and cardio, weight training will burn it off faster, and help keep it off better.

Reasons why weight training is key:

As you build muscle, you raise your base metabolism rate 24 hours a day.
The afterburn (increased caloric burn rate after any form of exercise) lasts longer than pure cardio.
Since muscle weighs more than fat, it displaces less space, hence if there were two people with identical builds, who weigh exactly the same amount, the one with a higher muscle percentage would be physically smaller.
You will feel much better, stronger and more energetic.

And just pushing around light weights doesn't cut it, you need to lift substantial weight and for best results, a simple routine that hits all your major muscles, but works them to "failure" within 3 sets works best.

It isn't rocket science, it just seems so many are afraid to do it.

20

Need a little advice on calorie counting and weight loss

by Leander in

i just started working out again over the last month after a layoff of about 10 years.

so my questions are how can i find out how many calories a 280 pound guy burns off just doing everyday activities?

how do i determine how many calories i need to take in to maintain the muscle i have but still burn off fat?.

beebee

Try fitday.com. You can input your food intake, your goals, and the data to compute your caloric burn, track it all and chart it for FREE. (pretty cool site)

Also if you have a passion or desire to try any of the popular types of diets (low calorie, low fat, low carb, etc.) and planning your food is a pain, ediet can also be very useful. You input what you are trying to accomplish, and they design menus (you can input what you don't like too) and give you shopping lists.

I think they also offer online support via message boards and other services (I haven't used them). I remember filling out the profile though and they asked pretty relevant questions like how much you want to cook, and whether you eat out a lot. That's important info when trying to intelligently plan out a diet.

Good luck and hoping you reach your desired studmuffinness in short order!