I recently left a marriage of 25 years and filed for divorce. My final breaking point was seeing a quote from Albert Einstein that said "The definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results". For me this was HUGE as I had been doing the same thing over and over in my marriage to try to resolve a past indiscretion that had happened 22 years prior on my part, with the same results. Something had to change. I had to change.
I asked myself...do I want to live the next 25 years as I have lived the last? The answer was absolutely NOT! I was emotionally and mentally abused by someone who was loving, giving, charismatic, very successful and manipulative. Was there good times? Yes! Which is why I stayed for so long. But the toxicity of the bad, started outweighing any good. I was constantly being threatened to be divorced or left or being told that I was not meeting needs. But on the other hand, I was told that I was an amazing mom, wife and best friend. It was an extremely difficult decision to make when I walked out the door, especially because I knew it would devastate our 2 children who were almost 17 and 20.
I was already disfellowshipped for 4 years, so I did not worry about any consequences with regards to that. I believe that even if I wasn't, it would have been worth being disfellowshipped over. I needed to do what was best for ME.
You need to do what's best for YOU. No one can make that decision for you. If divorce is not an option, then I agree with the above comments to stay separated, maybe even file for a legal separation. Contact an attorney to make sure you have your rights protected. Seek counsel from a certified therapist. I started seeing one about 5-6 months before I left and have seen him once a week since I left 9 months ago. He has helped me work through the emotions of leaving and helps me focus on my future.
As said earlier, look to see how you envision your life. If you are unhappy now, think of how much worse it will get later. It sounds like you already know what needs to be done in your heart, but you are afraid of displeasing Jehovah and possibly having repercussions in the congregation. Do you think that Jehovah wants to see you in an abusive relationship just for the sake of displeasing him? From what I was taught in the 39 years that I was a witness, I believe that Jehovah wants what is best for you and what hurts you, hurts him. Why would such a loving and forgiving God want you to continue to be abused?
As far as those in the congregation and the elders who you have talked to... They are not in your shoes. They are not the ones being abused. They are not living your life. They have no room to judge. Do what is best for YOU and only YOU.
Feel free to PM me, if you would like to talk.
