Man, some of you guys are harsh. If we applied the same mindset of you made your bed, now lie in it or you're a drama queen we'd still be in a cult.
Look, it's pretty obvious that you settled because you married someone that the "Truth" (lol) pushed you to marry. The same indoctrination that made all of us do things that we regret. Funny enough, the Critical Thinkers podcast that just came out was Lady C talking about the pressures on JW sisters to marry and how she almost married the wrong guy.
I disagree with a lot of the posts here. You made a bad decision and you shouldn't be punished by it forever, nor should your husband. You don't think those kids will be able to tell that mommy doesn't really love daddy.
In the end, maybe guy #1 isn't best for you, but your husband definitely isn't, no matter how hard he works or how nice he is. The comparisons to what other women go through matter not. That would be like us not having left the cult because the FLDS is even worse. That's stupid.
Look, you're in a bad marriage and it doesn't sound fair to you or him or the kids. None of us can tell you what path to take here for sure, but you have a problem even if you stay and guy #1 didn't exist.
Also, you're in a cult. That hurts to hear It took me a long time to prove it to myself. Read on the jwfacts website, don't excuse things that are claimed to be directed by holy spirit that go wrong on "imperfect men". How many prophets in the Bible got it wrong over and over and over like JWs do? You have been brainwashed and you're feeling the effects in this choice of relationship.
I did a podcast called This JW Life. You can listen on iTunes, Google Play, etc. You can stream it directly from thisjwlife.com. It is a 9 part series and I explain so much that you may not know about the JWs through my story.
Google search for Crisis of Conscience in PDF and you'll find a book by someone that actually made it to being a member of the governing body and see behind the scenes.
You need to focus on the belief system that you hold first because you can't be all in for any relationship until you know yourself, and you won't find yourself until you strip off the "new personality", which is a cult personality put upon you through years of indoctrination that is already negatively impacting your life.