If we just ignore them and refuse any contact, can't they just DF us by default for insubordination or something like that? Or can't they enter in a DA on our behalf because of refusal to associate?
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
We could move, but that seems extreme to me. Then we'd have to give up new friends we're cultivating and our business too. I'd DA all day long before I gave them that kind of power.
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
Thanks for the support. My wife started wavering last night when she was actually addressing her letters to family. I understand why and we slept on it last night. Baby steps. We had a decision to pull the plug but at the last hour my wife was overtaken by grief and couldn't follow through. That's okay and we'll just ignore the phone calls from elders and see how my wife feels about things given a little more time for it to sink in. We do this together, whatever it ends up being. For now we'll treat them like bill collectors and ignore them until we're either forced into a situation where we need to DA, or we'll wait and see if my wife can follow through. Shit gets real, as they say, when you're one step away from it all (putting the envelopes in the mailbox). It overwhelmed her and I can't say I blame her for that. The whole thing is overwhelming because none of us want these choices. A win-win would be for everyone to get to be themselves without consequence, but once a teenager makes that lifelong contract with an organization they must be held to it I guess for the rest of their lives. How would JW's react if in their preaching work they were talking to Catholics or Baptists who would be forever shunned for conversion to the JW religion. They would bad mouth those religions for doing such. It's all just so hypocritical and awful. They have set things up to give them power over your decisions and consequences thereof. I understand that some don't want to admit the authority they have, but they have it. You can disavow their authority all you want, deny that they have it, and it may be true that they can't influence who I am, but they have my family and therefore have authority to mess up my day, week, or life. The power over me is nil, but the power over others is great, and that power affects me whether I like it or not. That power got to my wife last night. We'll see what happens.
I appreciate you hearing me out. It helps to have a place to go talk about this stuff. Both of us have been bullied in life as kids. Both of us have been incredibly lonely in the organization with no real friends. To add another layer of rejection is fairly traumatic, and my wife in particular struggles with the rejection she's experienced in her life. Never had any friends growing up in the organization. Came from an odd family that set her up for failure socially. Being approved of or wanted or liked is huge to the average person, maybe even more huge when you've always wanted it and it has been kept from you. This is just another layer to add on top. It is a shame because my wife is the most beautiful person inside that I've ever met. It makes me so angry but there's nothing I can do about it. She has so many scars from the years of being treated poorly by people in this organization. Time will tell what she is able to do and maybe we'll need an external nudge. If that comes, we're certainly prepared.
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
Because that's a lot of stamps and letters to address for an ineffectual campaign against people I have no beef with. No reason to feed the bitter, mentally diseased apostate stereotype. I'll let them wonder. Also, none of them were really close to us anyway, so its impact would be diminished. I'd rather try to build a bridge that others might cross someday than burn them all down. -
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Soooo, when I tell you I feel it's a cult
by cognac inwhy would you proceed to invite me to their meetings?
wtf?
how much clearer can i make my stance????
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dubstepped
When I wanted to stop pioneering the elders wouldn't accept my deletion. I tried twice to no avail. Just stick it out, they said. When the CO came for a visit I pulled the CO and PO (it was years ago) together and said "I quit" in no uncertain terms. I was subsequently deleted but also pulled into a room so the PO could chastise me for my handling of the matter.
They don't listen unless you beat them in the head with a club they're so dense. It's about what they want for you. Who are you to decide, lol.
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
I'll be honest. I think that screwing with them or trying to prove points isn't productive. I've written very loving letters that do have some points in them (more direct to the elders and more subtle to family) and that's my methodology. I have no desire to stoop to the levels they do when they talk about other religions. Love was my wake up call and love will be the way I go out. That's not to say that I'm writing wussified pandering letters accepting the shame that they want me to hold for my decision. I will probably share my letter later. I've read samples online and they're very combative. You catch more flies with honey, not that I'm trying to manipulate like the organization does. I'm just being authentic and the anti-organization. They're cold and rigid and sterile. One of my many mottos is "rise above" and that's my goal. -
53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
True closure happens when I'm six feet under. That will hopefully be a while. Do for now they will have no ability to interrupt my day and the fear they instilled will dissipate. To allow them to continue playing games with me is to give them power. Our families will give them power but that's on them. We're just stating our authentic place.
I've never been a pretender and I don't plan on starting now. Everyone else gets to be them and I'll be me. I'm the guy that stands up when others won't. I'm also a tad obsessive compulsive and need a clean slate and to eliminate worries.
I'm just thankful to have my wife with me.
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53
Just wrote my DA letter....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done.
i know that many play the game to try to stay in, but i'm not a game player and neither is my wife.
our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member.
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dubstepped
My wife and I planned on fading but the elders now want a shepherding call and we are just done. I know that many play the game to try to stay in, but I'm not a game player and neither is my wife. Our families already shun us because we reached out to a disfellowshipped family member. I know people here encouraged us not to play their game but we want closure. It is tough to feel sick every time the phone rings or someone is outside our home. If not now, when we take blood or any number of things we'll be waiting for the hammer to drop. Maybe our exit wakes someone up. Who knows. The last thing we want is a shepherding call or anything of the sort. We'd rather just pull the trigger and avoid contact altogether.
So, what's the process? We send our letter to a few elders to make sure it is received. How long until they announce? Will they announce at the Halls we grew up in where our families attend?
Thanks for your input. We feel a mixture of relief and the desire to throw up.
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Wow nov 15 wt they refuse to show love to all
by poopie inwow the artcle love your neghboor the writer is trying to squeeze thorough what he feels is a loophole.
the problem is there is no loophole in gods law of love its amazing but eventually they will come to the realization that all people need love.
keep trying to skirt around it your digging yourself into a hole.
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dubstepped
Hey Sabin, we've all done it. I too feel bad for the way I used to look at other people. I either looked right through them like they didn't exist, saw them as a possible number on my time slip for the month, or wondered if they were going to give me a hard time at their door. I never saw them as humans with the same feelings as I had, with families and other loved ones. The love I had as a JW was manufactured and shallow. The love I have now after opening my mind and heart and reading books on emotional abuse and narcissism and the like have really helped me to develop a side of me that was never allowed to flourish. I love people now, all people, and don't view myself as any better than anyone. After reading Tolle's book "A New Earth" I could see how much of what I did in the past as a JW was all ego based, and how much I missed seeing in myself and others.
I too am glad that you're not doing it anymore. ;) I'm glad to be freed myself as well.
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6
Wow nov 15 wt they refuse to show love to all
by poopie inwow the artcle love your neghboor the writer is trying to squeeze thorough what he feels is a loophole.
the problem is there is no loophole in gods law of love its amazing but eventually they will come to the realization that all people need love.
keep trying to skirt around it your digging yourself into a hole.
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dubstepped
I'm not sure what loophole you're referring to, but it is sad to me that they can only exercise "love of neighbor" as it relates to their preaching work. That is literally all it talks about. Be sure to speak kindly in the ministry work, and be ready to make a defense before those asking it of you in a kind and respectful manner even if the householder is belligerent. Otherwise though, those people don't exist. Outside the ministry they look down on the householders and we've all been there before as active JW's. They have no problem picking out which of those people's homes they want to live in during the new world. They talk about the people they meet after leaving the house, not always in flattering terms. But boy can they put that magic new fake personality on for a second while regurgitating the presentation at the door, feigning love while preaching to people that they're supposed to be doing because they are expected to actually have real love of neighbor.