Posts by dubstepped

45

New Inactive One Saying Hello to all

by Lostwun in

jw
friends

lostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.

i am a second-generation jw.

i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.

dubstepped

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You're conditioned to see everyone outside the Borg as a danger. Here's a thread that may help:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/422560001/oh-my-god-we-associated-worldly-people

I've been scared through this whole process. I believed in my heart that as soon as I started reading apostate sites I'd die in a fiery car crash, that once I started hanging out with worldly people my wife would get raped and I'd die in a fiery car crash, that once I DA'd I'd lose my business and my wife would get raped and I'd die in a fiery car crash. Fear is a great way to manipulate people, and we've all been manipulated by it. That's not to say that one doesn't have to be careful who they associate with, but that's true whether in the "world" or in the Borganization. See the recent Australian Royal Commission hearings to learn about some that lurk in the organization. Not all are on the up and up, and if you've been around long you've run into toxic people that you know to stay away from even in the organization. I believe it was Ray Franz that pointed out that there are locks on the doors to the rooms at Bethel because they've had problems with thievery. The world outside the organization doesn't own the rights to all nefarious conduct. In fact, I've found the people outside to be much nicer and more genuine than what I grew up with. I've turned down so many offers of hospitality from "worldly" people throughout my life when no JW was asking me to do anything socially ever. Now my wife and I can say yes to them and so far we've had fun. We have much more support now and it is so beautiful and free.

31

Beroean Pickets

by joe134cd in

hi i've been reading a web sight called borean pickets.

http://meletivivlon.com/2015/05/09/may-tv-broadcast-on-tv-jw-org/.

although the guy writes some real thought provoking stuff, i sort of don't know what to make of it.

dubstepped

I've really been helped by that site over the months of breaking free from JW's. However, the new direction where they're trying to get money to translate things into different languages and they want to break free from employment so as to create videos and do other things sounds a lot like a site jumping the shark, so to speak. It sounds like he's trying to form his own religion of sorts, and I just can't support that. I'll still read, and I may not always agree, but I find what is written there pretty balanced. A lot of people disagree with the new path though, so at least I'm not alone there.

45

New Inactive One Saying Hello to all

by Lostwun in

jw
friends

lostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.

i am a second-generation jw.

i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.

dubstepped

Paranoia will destroy ya. And the organization counts on that to keep you in the fold. It worked on me for some time. So scared of what people would think of that pic I posted on Facebook or that song I said I liked, and God forbid I be seen with unacceptable human beings. As imprisoning as that is, the freedom on the other side is equally sweet.

My wife and I started reaching out to people we came in contact with outside the organization. Those connections were far more supportive of us than those who were supposed to be our brothers and sisters ever were in decades of service. We now have friends that choose to be our friends. We're still new to all of this and don't have deep friends that we can call anytime from the new bunch, but being open and honest with people about what's going on has been huge. It helped us work through the situation and helped us know we aren't alone. As did the people here. I've also reconnected with my brother who I shunned for many years, as well as a friend from 13 years ago. Having those roots back in my life is amazing.

Another thing that helped me feel less alone was reading Ray Franz's book Crisis Of Conscience. It is a must read. It validated so much of what we felt and saw and we didn't feel like crazy people anymore. You can read it online for free. I listened to the audio while I worked in our business.

The fact is that you will feel lonely at times. It is part of the process. However, you will emerge as the authentic you, likely for the first time. My wife said she's never seen me so free, and I'm still in the process of DA'ing, waiting for the announcement. That's a heavy thing, and I'm in such a better place.

Read books on boundaries and emotional abuse and narcissism and you'll find answers to a lot of messed up things you've been around. A New Earth by Eckhart Toole was huge in freeing us from the ego that being in the organization formed to help us feel like we were in control. We now are our true selves and that defensiveness you see in your husband is likely his ego feeling scared and out of control. Under that ego is likely an amazing person just screaming to get out but masked by what's been put on him.

I could go on forever. Be patient and loving. Remember that even on a plane you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help someone else. So take care of yourself. Read and research and learn. Don't become bigger and swing the opposite way and let frustration with the organization make you just as zealous against it as you were for it. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. I'm starting to get to the point, after hurt and rage, where I can see that a freedom exists where I won't have to follow them or care what they do anymore. Once doing so gets me out and allows me to process what was done to me, I look forward to moving on to better things and not caring about them anymore so that they have no more hold on me. To hate them is to give them power.

I guess I'll stop before I write a self-help book, lol.

45

New Inactive One Saying Hello to all

by Lostwun in

jw
friends

lostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.

i am a second-generation jw.

i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.

dubstepped

Welcome! I joined in here 6 months ago, and was ahead of my wife in the desire to fade. She wasn't defensive, at least not openly, but our journey went very quickly. We just send letters of DA in last week. From being scared to death to read on an "apostate" site to joining in and now DA'd.

My advice, as others have said, is to take it slow. If your husband trusts you and your opinions and feelings on things he may eventually be moved to look into what you're saying. Don't push him too fast. A good idea is not to pick on things, but to let him wake up on his own. When literally asleep, it is much more pleasant to wake up on one's own than to have something abruptly wake them up. Try pulling someone's eyelids up while they're sleeping and see what the reaction is. You were allowed to wake up on your time, so give him that chance.

The last 6 months has been both the hardest time in our lives and the most freeing. Would I do it again? Heck yes. Neither my wife nor I asked to see the truth about "The Truth" but we both noticed things over the years and had experiences that built up that we couldn't ignore. We saw things that didn't reflect Jehovah and that made us upset. We saw contradictions and hypocrisy. And maybe most of all, what we did NOT see was love. Control, yes, but love, no. I no longer have the problems with anxiety that plagued me for years. My wife no longer has to feel like she's never good enough. It is so freeing, and we're so blessed to make it out together. But it wasn't easy even then. So, take your time, and don't be like a new JW that can't hold back and that tells everyone how wrong they are. Bide your time, be tactful, and perhaps your husband can be won without a word, as the scriptures say. Be a good example as you find greater happiness and he may be attracted to it. Feel free to point things out if he asks, or if something really needs to be said, but pick and choose your battles. We had many serious discussions during which I laid a foundation of the trust that we had built over the years and asked her to look at what I was finding, to see that I had no malice and was simply hurt by things I had seen and learned and wanted to see what she thought. We discovered much of this together, looking for the "truth" that we had always been promised. I hope that you two get to make some discoveries together as well.

Take care, and best wishes on your journey forward. It will be hard, but it will also be worth it.

20

I had requested them to put shepherding concerns in writing.

by quincemyles in

last week, i had requested the elders to put their shepherding concerns in writing and that only one elder visits me because i am uncomfortable with two.

well, today they approached me and said we are not able to write to you and we are going to see you the two of us.

i felt how inconsiderate and disrespectful of individuals the watchtower machinery is.

dubstepped

First, your example and that magazine from 1986 needs to go to one Mr. Angus Stewart.

Second, why is there only a "like" button? Because I freaking LOVED your first post in this thread. Pure awesomeness.

Third, you will be taken down for apostasy. You're just supposed to blindly follow. Ultimately you're going to be DF'ed or you're going to want to DA. They'll make it uncomfortable to do otherwise.

I just DA'd. It hurts because I know how others will view me and all family will shun me, but honestly it's quite freeing. Those people can't just let me be me. They would have looked down on me and preached to me. No more awkward situations. I don't have to listen to them parrot the latest sayings anymore. They can only judge from afar. Nobody is looking over my shoulder. They can't take Jehovah or Jesus from me, only their co-opting of my relationship with them.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

5

OMG!!! Guardians of the Doctrine!!! LOL!!!!!

by DATA-DOG in

lol!!!!

omg!!

sorry for posting so much today, but i just went to the "imitate wt jewsus" convention and now i'm drinking.

dubstepped

Oh, and here's the pic you requested. I didn't make it, but I'll take the love, lol.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/426830001/guardians-doctrine-illustrated?page=1&size=10

5

OMG!!! Guardians of the Doctrine!!! LOL!!!!!

by DATA-DOG in

lol!!!!

omg!!

sorry for posting so much today, but i just went to the "imitate wt jewsus" convention and now i'm drinking.

dubstepped

You'll notice that they aren't guardians of the Bible, or God's Word, or "The Truth", but of " The Doctrine". Gotta stick to your doctrinal guns, unless of course the time has passed for your false prophecies.

31

New video "Jehovah Has Done So Much for Me"

by NoIdeaWhatToBelieve in

hey all,.

have you seen the new video on http://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/activities/living-bible-principles/adult-survivor-child-abuse-video/ ?.

isn't this too much of a coincidence?

dubstepped

Just another example of how they do not care about victims in the organization or understand them in the slightest. The last lady that spoke to Jackson (lawyer for BCG?) went specifically to show them the importance of researching the impact on victims and pointed out that they fell short. Then they put out garbage like this to deflect. They don't care to know more and something like this is just evil and cruel.

4

jwFairyTale.... Please, please, please, Jehovah

by Brighid in

.... inspire jwfairytale to cover the royal commission.

dubstepped

Never heard of this guy. Got any favorite videos to recommend for starters? It seems that there's quite a few there.

100

Exposing one's identity. When?

by kairos in

jw
friends

i've been toying with the idea of just coming out and posting my name and location as an attempt to be available to locals that secretly browse the forum that have known me for up to 25 years.

( "reaching out", so to speak ).

i'm not da'd or df'd, so this most certainly could end in a dramatic confrontation.

dubstepped

I just wanted to chime in and tell you that if you decide to do so, it is okay to let go. It takes more strength to let go than it does to continue to engage. If I'm reading this all wrong, feel free to tell me, but from what I read and gathered it just looks like this whole thing is taking a toll on people that are already beat down and fragile (you and your wife). You deserve better than those people. You can fight them tooth and nail and expend tremendous energy that might be better spent loving on yourself and your wife and saving what actually matters. My wife and I just DA'ed (still waiting on elders to find our letter and get their act together enough to make the formal announcement) and it is so freeing. I'm a natural fighter that doesn't go down without getting my licks in. However, I see more and more how that's just my ego trying to control things that are often out of my control. I don't know all of your history or claim to, but I hate to see you getting yourself so worked up over something that doesn't matter, as you say. It doesn't matter, so let it go. Let them go. Save your energy to fight for those things that matter and just send them a DA letter and move on. I know that a lot of people here criticize that strategy as letting them win, but I'm the one sitting here in peace and freedom while others are fighting these intense battles and going through tremendous agony to keep up something that is toxic at best.

Please take these words for what they are, my care for you even though I don't know you. I see the hurt and anger (which usually comes from pain) in your posts. I see you fighting so hard to control how this thing goes down and getting yourself worked up. Please take care of yourself first, and your wife.

Peace.