Posts by dubstepped

52

Time to Spill my Guts

by Hadriel in

been lurking around here for several weeks.

posted once or twice but not too much.

i'm a covert fade at the moment.

I read your post yesterday, even sent a link to my wife to read it on her phone. We both got out together and disassociated in September of 2015. Our process had gone on for years, but there was a point in early 2015 where we really saw the lies for what they were and it was shocking. It took very little time after that point to take a formal stand against them and get out. So we love seeing stories where other married couples get out together. It just makes us both smile.

I can only imagine what it is like now to deal with this situation with your kids. I'm so sorry you got taken for a ride by the dubs and that your kids got dragged along too. We don't have kids, so I can't really comment much, but we both really feel for you.

You are on a journey that will take you to unexpected places. You don't have to settle on any one thing right now. Give yourselves time to process things. We both vacillate between believe in God and non-belief, from belief in the Bible to non-belief, and to everything in between. You will have things jump up in your mind and hit you that you didn't see coming as it processes things. We both still have lots of dreams about meetings and such even though we haven't been to one since the summer of 2014. Of course, we also have dreams about family that we haven't seen in six months to a year, and who we will likely never see again. It is a roller coaster for sure.

With that said, the freedom from cognitive dissonance and the resultant depression and such that the organization brought to our lives is so refreshing. My wife and I have had more fun and enjoyed each day and other human beings more in the past few months than in our previous 35-38 years on this planet. We are all brothers and sisters, no reason to separate everyone, and it's funny because we did lose mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters for the sake of the good news (so to speak) and we've gained them tenfold after leaving the Borg.

So welcome to your new life. The pain is temporary and the freedom much more lasting. Be gentle on yourselves and your kids. Take things as slow or as fast as you need to. Remember that everyone moves on at their own pace, just like any type of grieving process. I'm glad to have you here on this site but more importantly to have you freed from the chokehold of the organization. Breathe and be happy. Try not to let yourself be consumed with anti-JW sentiment like you were pro-JW for all of those years. Find the life that has nothing to do with them. Maybe you and your wife never forget it, but maybe your kids can some day.

Take care,

Mike

46

Thinking about disassociating yourself - STOP!...at least for a moment

by rory-ks in

(this recent forum post about a letter of disassociation encouraged me to post this new topic.

it's been sitting in my drafts folder for a little while, but now is as good a time as any.).

my suggestion would be, try not to go down the route of disassociation.

dubstepped

Not a false dichotomy just because it doesn't happen 100%of the time. It happens very often though. Some can fade and be left alone. Others can't. Doesn't make the thoughts irrelevant to all.

46

Thinking about disassociating yourself - STOP!...at least for a moment

by rory-ks in

(this recent forum post about a letter of disassociation encouraged me to post this new topic.

it's been sitting in my drafts folder for a little while, but now is as good a time as any.).

my suggestion would be, try not to go down the route of disassociation.

dubstepped

Just take a second, read the original post in this thread, and ask yourself who is playing their game? The guy that disassociates and leaves once and for all time? Or the guy that has to come up with 1001 ways to get around judicial actions and that can't be authentic in the presence of others just so he can fade? The guy that takes a stand or the guy that hides his true feelings? The guy that knows shunning is inevitable and does it on his timetable by disassociating, or the guy that waits for the inevitable to happen but by bit, always waiting for the other shoe to drop?

21

10 Years On...

by done4good in

jw
friends

just a note that 10 years ago, (christmas day, 2005), was my last time inside a kh.

a lot has taken place for the better in those 10 years:.

1. met the love of my life and happily married for 9 years, two days ago.. 2. completed a master's degree.. 3. work at senior management level in the it field.. 4. have a savings and retirement, and no debt outside of a mortgage and 1 car loan.. 5. lots of travel to several places that i never would have done as a jw.. 6. contribute to what i believe are meaningful causes.. 7. read, think, and meditate for myself.. 8. have a great extended family i inherited from my wife.. 9. lots of other great stuff, too much to list.. none of this is intended to be boastful.

dubstepped

Great to see you make something of your life in the 10 years after leaving. I've done some things before leaving the religion and hope to follow a similar path. Good for you! I understand why you'd want to take a break and wish you the best. Hopefully your life goes so well you forget you ever had anything to do with the dubs and we never see you again. I think that's something I hope for myself someday.

32

Writing my Disassociation letter

by Bebopin in

today i am working on writing my disassociation letter.

i successfully faded a year ago.

but i feel like i can't keep looking over my shoulder anymore i just need to be completely rid of this cult.. any suggestions on letter and it's content?.

dubstepped

I feel you bebopin. I had questioned a few things and expressed some frustrations because it just got to a point of absurdity and I couldn't hold back. My mom pretty much deemed me an apostate years ago and went behind my back and told the only real friends I had so they could fix me I guess. I wasn't back then, but now I hate them all and their stupid cult. They are paranoid and push people away. I eventually blew up at my mom because they shunned my brother and even his wife even though she had nothing to do with anything. They didn't even see her as a human person. It was all just so stupid and when pressed on it I lost my sh-t. JWs are vile, narcissistic jerks that think everyone should be like them or die. I didn't want my name to be associated with them or their way of being. I took a stand when I joined the religion as a teen, and I took a stand at 38 and told them I was done because I wanted to be a better person than that. Being cut off does sting, but they were toxic anyway as are most, if not all JWs. It hurts sometimes, but freedom isn't free, there's always a cost.

32

Writing my Disassociation letter

by Bebopin in

today i am working on writing my disassociation letter.

i successfully faded a year ago.

but i feel like i can't keep looking over my shoulder anymore i just need to be completely rid of this cult.. any suggestions on letter and it's content?.

dubstepped

Everybody struggles with whether or not to write that letter. It is never a good time because all options suck. Stay in and watch over your shoulder while delaying what is often the inevitable shun gun that you'll have to face sooner or later from friends and family, or bite the bullet and get peace now but hasten the shunning. We left it up to a few things, one of which notably was whether or not elders called on us. If we could be left alone that seemed okay, but family already shunned us anyway. As soon as elders called on us we used that as a trigger to pull the pin and blow it all up. You'll likely never be truly ready because you are entering the unknown for you. Fear always lies in the unknown. In our case freedom and peace were what we unwittingly feared. It is awesome to loosen the chains and walk away, no longer caring about their judgements. We don't care what they say about us. They're of no consequence whatsoever because we're no longer tethered to them.

In all seriousness, you do have to weigh your options. Nobody can do that for you on here. You can't unring that bell, and that scared me to death. My wife was ready to pull the plug before I was, but waited and we DA'd together. If was awesome and life has never been more free. Even clients of ours mention how much lighter and happier we are. It's like you've been running a race with a 100 pound backpack on and you just sit it down and walk away.

As far as trying to get others to think in the org, that's on them. I'm not needed to save anybody. Nobody saved me or my wife. It seems most people exit on their own. Very few seem to have an apostate that was still in that somehow influenced them for the better. For most of has to be the right time and they have to have what it takes to battle the cognitive dissonance. Nobody can do that for them. People like go think they're going to somehow bring down the org from within like some sort of secret agents, bit it's still there and growing. We wanted to move on with our lives, not keep playing their games.

45

The story of my exit

by mrsObfuscate in

i have been lurking here for about 6 months, and being the last day of the year, and ready to start the new one afresh, i want to share the story of our exit from the org.

i have found the personal experiences of others of immeasurable value, (and its been a while since a good exit story has been posted) that i hope this can be of benefit to at least someone.. .

my mother became a jehovahs witness when i was about 9 or 10. i remember initially hating all of the new sanctions put on our lives (no birthdays and christmas anymore) but for some reason i soon after joined her in attending the meetings and eventually got baptized at the age of 14. my staunch catholic father converted a couple of years later.

dubstepped

Absolutely amazing story. Personal stories are my favorite part of this site. Thanks so much for sharing. There's hope for those with believing mates and you're proof. I'm so thankful that my wife came out of the organization when I did, but it's nice to see that it can work out regardless.

32

Writing my Disassociation letter

by Bebopin in

today i am working on writing my disassociation letter.

i successfully faded a year ago.

but i feel like i can't keep looking over my shoulder anymore i just need to be completely rid of this cult.. any suggestions on letter and it's content?.

dubstepped

Disassociating is officially quitting their game. Staying in is like hitting the continue button so you keep playing. Congrats on taking a stand. I wish more would.

As for your mom, just sit her down and tell her how to feel and then hand in your DA letter to the congregation if you want. Again, do it on your terms and enjoy the peace that comes with DAing. It feels great.

32

Writing my Disassociation letter

by Bebopin in

today i am working on writing my disassociation letter.

i successfully faded a year ago.

but i feel like i can't keep looking over my shoulder anymore i just need to be completely rid of this cult.. any suggestions on letter and it's content?.

dubstepped

Write whatever let's you get your feelings out. It's about you, not them. Send it to everyone if you wish, though I personally see that as a waste of time because they won't be ready to hear it anymore than the elders that get it and they will see you as an apostate and shun you anyway. Seems like a waste of time and postage but if it makes you feel like you made a mark, go for it. Again, it's about you. None of them are likely to care. What makes you feel free.

My letter was very respectful and kind because that's the person I wanted to be. Others may get salty. Whatever floats your boat.

79

The really cool feeling of community within JWs

by Phaedra in

i remember going out with other jws after the memorial.. small gatherings.. picnics at some local landmark.. the feeling of closeness, camaraderie, friendship with like minded people you could trust.. haven't experienced it since i left.. really miss that..

dubstepped

JWs here never did much together other than field service or meetings unless you were lucky enough to be in the right cliques. I do far more socially outside of them. I longed for community and they never provided it.