(This recent forum post about a letter of disassociation encouraged me to post this new topic. It's been sitting in my drafts folder for a little while, but now is as good a time as any.)
My suggestion would be, try not to go down the route of disassociation. However long you have been a member of the congregation, disassociation will mean losing friends and acquaintances, and possibly family members, too, depending on how strictly they will adhere to the shunning policy. This is a huge upheaval, and not something you would want to bring upon yourself no matter what the circumstances.
Granted, it may be that you feel you want to make a statement. You might have a had a bitter experience with the organisation; it may be that you have become shocked by the beliefs and changing policies.
I think a greater statement can be made by holding off on the decision to disassociate yourself.
1. There is no scriptural precedent for you cutting off your association. Really, it is a decision that the organisation would like you to make because it absolves them of the responsibility.
2. Jesus, Stephen, Paul et al remained associated until they were forcibly ejected/rejected. Up until that time they continued trying to inform those they came into contact with.
3. Shunning/Rejection is a mark of a questionable organisation. Nicodemus had to come to Jesus under cover of darkness; the parents of the man born blind refused to answer the Pharisees questions for fear of being expelled from the synagogue; Jesus warned, “Men will expel you from the synagogue. In fact, the hour is coming when everyone that kills you will imagine he has rendered a sacred service to God.” That sounds familiar because disfellowshipping and shunning is carried out under the false pretense that it is being done for the sake of the sanctification of God’s name, and for the cleanliness of the congregation. The truth is, “But they will do these things because they have not come to know either the Father or me.” (John 16:2, 3)
4. Disassociation is a policy the organisation has invented. To disassociate oneself is to adhere to their protocol. They instilled the idea that cutting off ties from a former religion was a courageous move to make. Ideas like writing a letter, or boldly telling your minister you are no longer a member of the church were hailed and extolled. We were told not to be afraid because “In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, Even Jehovah himself would take me up.” (Psalm 27:10)
The reality is nobody ever did leave us - or if they did it was under rare circumstances. The most a minister might say is, oh, I’m sorry to see you go, if there’s anything I can do to help...
It is a very different story when it comes to leaving the organisation. Someone who writes a letter stands to lose a great deal more - friends, family, and acquaintances which could go back many years. The reason it took courage to publicly remove yourself from the old religion was because on reflection it meant an awkward conversation with a clergyman, and that was it. In the back of your mind, a mountain was being made out of a molehill.
A letter of disassociation, on the other hand, is an attempt to move a mountain...
5. A letter of disassociation is often sent in a moment of highly charged emotion, perhaps a desire to be left alone. We often leave out of frustration that the organisation will never change. That may well be true. Angry missives sent to HQ will most certainly be dismissed. Even gentle persuasive letters will be binned at the first sign of even slightly apostate leanings. They simply aren’t interested. A secretary is probably assigned to read all such correspondence, and immediately shreds anything suspicious. They don’t care. They think that any potential apostate threat will eventually be handled at a local level, if it needs to be handled at all.
It is unlikely to work if you aim for the top. You might even want to think twice about aiming for the bottom. It isn’t fair to erode other people’s faith. They are in a fragile position. They can’t handle having their beliefs questioned, and the organisation’s foundations undermined. Until you have something better to give them, you haven’t a leg to stand on. And when you do have something better to give them, just knowing that better thing will have such an overwhelmingly positive effect on you that you will feel less urgency about trying to save them.
Don’t say anything that will give them cause to announce your disassociation. Plead the fifth, and don’t bear witness against yourself. If they want to eject you, let them build a case. They will need evidence and witnesses willing to step forward. All that takes time, energy, and nerve - it might be more efficacious to let things remain as they are. Questions like, “Do you visit apostate websites?” can all be met with, “I’m not willing to bear witness against myself. If you know I do, you wouldn’t need to ask.”
If you ask controversial questions, you are likely to be asked where you acquired your information. This is an attempt to switch the conversation to something they are able to deal with - a personal attack rather than actually answering the question. Simply keep stressing that it is the answer to the question you are interested in, not the source - you aren’t willing to bear witness against yourself. If they want to reach conclusions based on what they hear, that is a decision they will have to have the responsibility of making. If they come back with, “If things need to change Jehovah will see to it,” then urge them not to make a decision which could so radically alter a person’s life based on policies that are so precarious. Appeal to those brothers at a personal, individual level. How many brothers and sisters had their health endangered while for a couple of decades the organisation taught that organ transplants are a form of cannibalism? With one Question From Readers that policy changed. (wt80 3/15 p31), but that one simple policy change couldn’t help those already affected by any decision they made under the original policy.
If they do build a case, you can remember Jesus, Stephen and Paul who were forcibly ejected from the synagogue. You know how much you love the individual brothers and sisters.
If any event like this is approaching for you, I would be happy to talk about it - on the forum, with a personal message, or by e-mail.