Posts by dubstepped

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

Cangie - BTW, since I don't know all the rules and niceties of social etiquette, would it be o.k. to throw myself a party next year?

It is perfectly acceptable. My wife even looked it up online. For you, I would highly recommend using your story to help promote it. People will rally around you if they know you've never had a birthday party. They will feel good because they're doing something very rare and unique and meaningful. You will feel good because you're felt and seen and heard. Make it whatever you want, and have fun with it.

Tips: Again it may be the marketer in me but I realize that people are busy and need to plan ahead. So we made a Facebook event and added everyone we invited to the event about two months in advance. Then we talked about it as we saw people to keep it fresh in their minds. As we got a few things together for the party like a venue and cake, we'd tell everyone more details on the event page which again puts it in their mind. My wife had invitations printed and we made sure that everyone had one about 2-3 weeks before the actual party. Finally, the weekend before I sent out one last notice on the Facebook event page, one final reminder and how much we hoped to see everyone there. People are busy in the summer with kids' baseball games and church carnivals that they help run and vacations, etc. So we made sure we kept our event in their minds without becoming annoying. Each time there was something different that would pique their interest.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

Giordano - I know this is a huge problem....making new friends for many who leave the JW life. How did you manage to have such a terrific support group?

My wife and I have cleaned houses for many years. Over that time we got to know a lot of families pretty well, and when our world was imploding as we found out TTATT and woke up they were there for us. We couldn't hold it in and told them what was going on. They supported us every step of the way and we formed good friendships out of it. That is the majority of our support group, I think.

However, once out I reached out to every ex-JW I could think of that I knew locally. I started finding people on Facebook and reconnecting. There came some more friends.

Lastly, we had people reach out and invite us to things. We went to our first ever cocktail party and met some new people and made some new friends there, one of whom came to the party and was a huge help. We've gone to other little get-togethers and have pushed ourselves really hard to get to know people. Our story is a HUGE hit that is vulnerable to tell, and people like and trust people that are willing to be vulnerable. I'm telling you, use your story, not in some manipulative way, but it is fascinating to people and makes you stand out.

We had so many other people that just couldn't make it. If everyone we invited came we would have probably doubled the number there.

Maybe it's because I like business and marketing, but if you don't have friends, just like if you don't have customers, you have to tell everyone. Our "business card" is our story. Our "nurture marketing" is befriending people on Facebook and posting real stuff, not just funny videos or political stuff, but again being vulnerable and real (though not overly so as to come of whiny or needy). Our "referrals" come from attending events and trying hard to use our "business card" and just being real with people. I know it is hard, and can be paralyzing, but when you're broke and you need work you at least should do everything you can to find it. We needed a social circle, and we did what we could to make it happen even if uncomfortable.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

SafeAtHomean hour agoTotally awesome! Happy Birthday to your wife. Imagine what a fine "unwitness" it was for everyone there to find out just how controlling and whacko the JWs are! 🎂

Oh yeah, everyone there knew our story. We had told everyone that no family would come, but a few still asked if any family showed up. They really thought some would break ranks and come. That's now how a cult works.

I haven't hidden our story at all. I've shared it to anyone that would listen. Everyone should know who and what Jehovah's Witnesses really are, not the fluffed up fake version they feed the world about rainbows and fluffy bunnies and unicorn farts.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

DJS7 hours agoTotally freaking awesome! You must splash large for X mas and Halloween. And New Years Eve. And Valentine's Day. And 4th of July. And . . .

Haha, we did our first Thanksgiving last year, just a few months out from our disassociation. Two families that we clean for invited us to their homes for dinners and it was awesome!

This year we will do Christmas, last year I still felt weird about it. We did go camping though, and I bought battery powered Christmas lights and we strung them up in the brush around our tent.

The good news about our newfound freedom is that we get to pick what we do and how we do it. We don't have to do things like everyone else either, and that's pretty cool. I did go to my first 4th of July party and the fireworks were fun. Some holidays we just don't care much about, although I know they're big for other people. I can tell you one thing, we won't be celebrating mother's or father's day.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

FayeDunaway - Sorry, I have to tell you about my first birthday 'out'. It was miserable! My husband left the religion with me but didn't grasp the birthdays holidays thing yet. So I cried in the bedroom. My little daughter came in and saw me crying and went out and came back later with a birthday card. It made my day.
The next year I threw myself a party! Invited some ex witness old friends I had reconnected with. Had a full on cake with candles ....even a pinata .
That year was a crazy year. Everybody needed a big first birthday party!! It was catch up time. I was worn out. But it was fantastic.
I'm so happy for your wife and I hope she throws one for you too!

I'm sorry you felt that way the first year out with your husband. My wife and I are on different timelines as far as when we're comfortable with some new things as this process has gone on. We decided early on not to do anything new until we were both comfortable with it. It helped a lot. Last year she wanted to do Christmas full on, just a couple months after disassociating, and I wasn't there yet. This December we'll do it though as I've come around. Intellectually I didn't have a huge problem with it last year, but emotionally I just couldn't feel right yet, it still felt dirty and wrong like the dubs made it my whole life. Funny thing is that I celebrated until I was about 8-9ish so I have wonderful memories of the holidays, but the indoctrination was something I took on wholly.

I'm glad to hear that you got your party eventually and rocked it. Good for you! A pinata though? See, the dubs were right, violence does ensue.

My birthday is next month. No big party for me. I'm more of a low key, hate to be the center of attention, hiding in the corner type of guy, though my social anxiety has come down tremendously since leaving the dubs. One couple has invited us out to a really nice, high end expensive dinner on them for my birthday. My wife has planned some things for me that are my style. Oh, and I've been dying to go out of town lately even if just for a long weekend, so I get to pick a place I want to go and we'll go there. I'm sure I'll get together with friends for a dinner or something too.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

zeb10 hours ago so what did you buy her?

She loves ginger, not humans with red heads (back to the beheadings), but ginger flavored things and ginger itself. It is a kick she's been on for some time now. So I found things she's never had like ginger preserves, pickled ginger, a balm made out of ginger, dried ginger with sugar, and an especially strong ginger tea. I don't like to give someone a gift that they consume and it's all gone, so I also bought her a new cross-body purse. It has lots of pockets and organization, which she likes, is gray, which she likes, and kind of like a ripstop nylon, which she likes. Instead of carrying a big bulky purse when we go out to football games and such she can wear this.

I've never wrapped a gift before, lol. I love giving gifts but have never been patient enough for crafty things. But my wife loves the new adult coloring books (no, not THAT kind of "adult"), so I found the first picture she ever colored and made copies of it. I then lined up the 8.5x11 sheets and trimmed them and created my own wrapping paper.

For the bow I used a neon yellow and neon orange shoelace with the word "finish" on each. A few years back, in a pivotal moment that rocked our JW world, we owed $55,000 in back taxes. We spent 18 months working 7 days a week (many weeks) and as many hours as possible every day to pay that off. Near the end of paying it all off (we had to make an extra $80,000 to pay back the $55,000 and taxes on that extra money too) we were just mentally and physically destroyed and we started dragging. So I bought us crazy mismatched neon shoelaces and wrote the word "finish" on them. When we got tired and looked down we saw those laces and it reminded us of what we were doing it all for. Who knew that time spent away from indoctrination would also allow us to start waking up, lol. It is a story unto itself.

And my wife loves flowers and laser cut things (like purses with laser cut patterns) so I found a card with a pop-up laser cut vase and flower bouquet. It was a hit.

You only get one first birthday, so I tried to make it memorable.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

My keychain knife just won't do it. It was more of a minor slashing. Like you said, we'll get better with time.

34

So Today Was My Wife's First Ever Birthday Party

by dubstepped in

she turned one today, and 36 earlier this week.

we planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before.

we rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life.

dubstepped

She turned one today, and 36 earlier this week. We planned a big party, big for two people that have never thrown a party before. We rented a church fellowship hall because 1. it was nice and big and affordable and 2. it was kind of awesome to throw a party in a place we would have never ventured in our previous life. Whatever my wife wanted, she got, and the party was exactly what she wanted. Less than a year after leaving the dubs last September, we had 60+ people come out just to support my wife and her first birthday. She got lots of presents, had fun talking to lots of people, got to have her own special day, and all of those evil "worldly" people rallied around her.

It was a great time with lots of great people. We won't have a big bash like that every year, most likely, as it was a ton of work and we dropped some coin on the venue, decorations, cake, games, and on and on and on. Regardless, you only get to have one first birthday, and my wife had a great one. She's had a great week overall, with many well-wishes. I look forward to many more birthday celebrations with my wife outside the grips of the ridiculous cult we once belonged to.

Oh, and nobody was beheaded. ;)

21

Is it me or were the experiences at the assemblies really contrived?

by keyser soze in

jw
friends

my favorite were the ones where they were reading a wt publication in the break room at work, and an inquisitive co-worker, thirsty for spiritual knowledge approaches them.

this leads to an informal witness, which eventually leads to bible study and baptism.. in all my years of working, i've never had anyone show the slightest bit of interest in what i was reading while i was on my break at work.

but as i said, maybe it's just me..

dubstepped

Oh yeah, as a kid I had elders and the C.O. standing there, judging my every word at rehearsals and making sure that I thought long and hard about how I could best encourage the "friends" by lying to them, and myself. It's horrible. Nothing is ever good enough.

9

We Cannot Understand Because We Are Not Perfect

by berrygerry in

starting this thread because of katewild's post.

(from where came god?).

the unanswerable questions of life are usually attributed to: "we are imperfect, so cannot understand.

dubstepped

I liked a point brought out once in a Watchtower study (can't remember now if it was in the paragraph or a comment I made after reading between the lines), but so far perfection is batting .333 against sin. Let's face it, out of 3 perfect humans only one made it through with perfection intact and it took the Son of God to do that. Odds aren't good for humanity at large. Clearly God created a defective product. Don't blame the product, blame the manufacturer.