Posts by dubstepped

3

Perfectionism

by lriddle80 in

do any of you suffer from perfectionism?

i do and it may be the message that jw's put out there.

growing up in that religion, it's all about doing more, field service, meeting attendance, study, conventions, etc.

Oh yeah, I'm a recovering perfectionist and just like an alcoholic I'll always be in recovery. It's too easy to slip back into old patterns. Black and white thinking is a cognitive distortion that is a hallmark of perfectionism, and not much is more black and white than JWs.

I highly recommend the book "Happier" by Tal-Ben Shahar. That book really saved me from a lot of my perfectionism and helped me change my perception. I read a few others on the subject, but that one always stood out to me.

You, as you are right now, are enough. JWs teach you that you're never enough. I personally think that the whole concept of God and the Bible was created to control humans, something that perfectionism is all about (control), and since shedding perfectionism I've also shed the JW cult and the need for the Bible/God too.

30

I need to know more on why its a problem for me dating a JW girl.

by seekinghelpp in

ok not to throw no shade or no disrespect to the jw religion.

which i truly do respect because my girlfriend is part of but i just don't understand, i have researched so much about it.

so much about how its discouraged for her to be with me just cause of different religion.

dubstepped

Dude, even if she picks you the cult has influenced everything about her. The way she sees life, other people, opportunities, sex, love, everything has a cult influence. Run. Many have been out for years of their own volition and still struggle with remnants of cult brainwashing. Sorry man, but if you keep trying here I predict lots of confusion and heartache. If nothing else, so long as she has family in the cult, there will be drama.

27

My Brother Called Me Yesterday...

by pale.emperor in

my brother isn't a witness but he was raised one like we all were.

after 15 years living his own life he decided about a year ago to have a bible study.

this being the case, as a non baptized witness he can still speak to me but he's getting a lot of pressure not to from elders and the rest of my family.

dubstepped

The FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) is just dripping from his responses. Very sad.

19

How successful are others at getting ex-dubs together?

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

for my first shunniversary i reached out to the local ex-dubs that i know.

i invited 11 total to join me in a little get together at a local restaurant, then back to my house to hang out.

one friend asked if he could invite others, and i encouraged him, and all, to do so.

dubstepped

I'd love to hit up Tahoe someday. At present, I've never been on a plane and that's quite a drive from Indiana, lol. I'm getting on my first plane in November though to see the one friend my wife has from her childhood that is out. She lives in Austin. So I'm making progress on that front. Who knows what next year will bring. Sounds fun.

19

How successful are others at getting ex-dubs together?

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

for my first shunniversary i reached out to the local ex-dubs that i know.

i invited 11 total to join me in a little get together at a local restaurant, then back to my house to hang out.

one friend asked if he could invite others, and i encouraged him, and all, to do so.

dubstepped

Thanks for the replies. To clarify a few things, these were all people that I knew (except for 2) back in the day. They are people that I am friends with on Facebook and know I have things in common with. So I don't think it's a lack of things in common or fear of meeting new people. Also, none are married to believers. All of them are out. I do think though that maybe the whole JW thing is an ugly chapter they'd rather leave behind, though I know some post of tge ex-JW Facebook group.

Maybe I'll just try getting together sometime with them for a non-JW related cause altogether. Or maybe I'll just hang out with my new friends. I don't know. The whole dub thing damages so much of us as individuals and groups.

19

How successful are others at getting ex-dubs together?

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

for my first shunniversary i reached out to the local ex-dubs that i know.

i invited 11 total to join me in a little get together at a local restaurant, then back to my house to hang out.

one friend asked if he could invite others, and i encouraged him, and all, to do so.

dubstepped

For my first Shunniversary I reached out to the local ex-dubs that I know. I invited 11 total to join me in a little get together at a local restaurant, then back to my house to hang out. One friend asked if he could invite others, and I encouraged him, and all, to do so. Other than my wife and I, only one person showed up. Some had competing plans, some ignored me, some said they'd come and bailed the night before. It was very disappointing and reminded me of my days inside the Borganization where I could never get anyone to do anything with me. Heck, other people that are my friends now saw my post about it in my Facebook event page and said they would have come, but my former brothers and sisters didn't seem interested. I thought we could talk about that one part of our lives that we can't share with average people and reminisce, laugh, cry, whatever anyone wanted to do. I had one friend show up to support us, that was it, and he's someone we do things with regularly.

So, how about you? Have you had any success? My one friend that came said he tried something similar many years ago and got no support. It's a shame that people that had nothing to do with the dubs at all have been super supportive, and those that did weren't interested. Maybe they just want to leave it behind totally or are over it in their lives. It doesn't seem so from what I know of some of them or their posts on Facebook, but they certainly weren't excited about my idea. I wanted to turn my Shunniversary into something positive for others, to reach out and help, and in turn to be helped I guess in some way, and it fell flat.

23

Undecided

by Disassociated Lady 2 in

i have recently been disfellowshipped (after being reinstated in march).

i saw a group of jws gathered in the town car park yesterday.

they seemed startled when they recognised my car and talked amongst themselves giving one another a satisfied grin!

dubstepped

You're showing that they have power over you merely by wanting to go back just to stick it to them. They're in your head and that's what they want. Apathy is the opposite of love, not hate.

44

Why Do People Become Jehovah's Witnesses?

by minimus in

jw
friends

besides being raised in the religion , why do people become jws?

.

dubstepped

People are brought up looking to the Bible for guidance in a Christian faith. They have questions and want answers. Dubs have an answer for everything, even if it's just a cop out. Doesn't make it the right answer, but they're a one stop shop for answers.

People also like the seven steps to a flatter belly and other such step by step processes. Dubs have one of things to do for everlasting life.

People have trauma in their lives and want something stable. A black and white organization fits the bill.

People are black and white thinkers anyway and gravitate to such a performance based, right and wrong religion because it fits their personality.

People love to be right. Having "the truth" is great for one's ego.

7

An Un-Shun Day

by Heartsafire in

jw
friends

i was thinking about how many of us here are either being shunned or know someone who is being shunned.

although highly unlikely, it would be wonderful if this horrible practice was completely eliminated.. i know we have the wt victims memorial day in the summer, but does anyone know of any grassroots sort of movement to have a jw break the silence day on shunning?

we could encourage and promote for all jw's who have a df'd friend or family member to contact that person on that day--maybe even with the excuse that they need to check on them.. i know that it won't demolish the shunning policy, but at least a day like this could shed some light on the harmful practice to those outside the jw community as well as providing an unofficial designated day for jws to reach out to those they're shunning.

dubstepped

So then, you would have to find a realistic mass movement and the media would have to care, two huge mountains to climb. There are tons of shunning stories out there. The media knows, but the story doesn't move the needle. Other groups shun too, and the general populace doesn't care. You would have to maufacture something that made people care, which is a difficult task.

Any movement has to begin and end with us. You can't control others, so we can't make JWs do something or the media. I've thought that a good idea would be if all shunned people showed up at one day of a convention with shirts that say "shunned" or something and sat in the crowd. Make them all face the uncomfortable reality of what they do to us all. A peaceful protest of sorts. It would be tough to get the very fragmented group of ex-jws together to do this though. The media wouldn't care, but those in would have to face what they hoped to leave behind, us.

7

An Un-Shun Day

by Heartsafire in

jw
friends

i was thinking about how many of us here are either being shunned or know someone who is being shunned.

although highly unlikely, it would be wonderful if this horrible practice was completely eliminated.. i know we have the wt victims memorial day in the summer, but does anyone know of any grassroots sort of movement to have a jw break the silence day on shunning?

we could encourage and promote for all jw's who have a df'd friend or family member to contact that person on that day--maybe even with the excuse that they need to check on them.. i know that it won't demolish the shunning policy, but at least a day like this could shed some light on the harmful practice to those outside the jw community as well as providing an unofficial designated day for jws to reach out to those they're shunning.

dubstepped

How in the world would you get all if these JWs to listen to you and directly disobey the GB? Maybe I'm missing something. If we're dreaming up impossible ideas we might as well jump to abolishing shunning altogether. It sounds nice, but totally unrealistic.