Wow, thanks for the kind post Emperor. It's nice to know that our words help others. I've enjoyed following your experiences too. I just want the best for you and your kid.
And Tallon, that's funny, as long as you aren't on the receiving end, lol.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
Thanks guys. I think I've got Halloween figured out. I've been making lots of great memories. Not a problem. It just hit me that so much was taken from me and some things I can't get back, that is all. A person that was sexually abused as a child can't just go have better sexual experiences as an adult and act like it didn't happen. A person that was emotionally abused in a cult can't just go have healthier experiences and make it all go away either. I'm not wallowing in the losses of the past, just feeling them as they've hit me out of nowhere lately. It's all good. Like I said, I've had a fantastic time since leaving the dubs. I have so many friends I can't keep up with them all, have had many new experiences, celebrated my first birthday this year and my wife had a huge party with about 65 people present for her first birthday. We went to three Thanksgiving celebrations last year. We've really enjoyed life, the past just came up and bit me.
I won't be around here for Halloween night or I'd love to hand out candy to kids. I really look forward to that next year. We are going to a Halloween party or two though the weekend before. That should be fun. I've got my stuff picked out for it that I'm comfortable with and purchased already. The Halloween thing isn't so much a problem as a catalyst for thinking about how the Borganization changed me and influenced who I became.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
Thanks for the kind comments. I think I just came here to put my feelings out there, maybe because misery loves company. Again, I've been feeling great since leaving for the most part. I have a lot to be thankful for. I think I've just been hit by a lot of stuff lately.
Oh, I guess it probably didn't help that I just did an AMA on the Straight Dope forum about the dubs. Someone asked me to so I started one there. I think that it just has me in the frame of mind where I've been reflecting on a lot of things. That probably helped get me down and I didn't even think about that possible outcome. Then I met some other ex-dubs in real life. The whole Halloween thing got me thinking. Probably just a convergence of many things and a little JW overload for me with the PTSD that I probably have after all of this getting touched off. I'll be fine for sure. It's nice to vent a bit with people that understand.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
If you don't want to have anything more to do with the Bible, that's up to you. Please realize, though, that what you said (quoted above) is an interpretation you got from the Watchtower.
That's an example of what I meant earlier when I said, "please don't equate the WT religion with the Bible."
I didn't really come here to debate the Bible, nor was my one quip about it indicative of the reasons that I disregard it. The Watchtower is far from the only religion to teach the very simple thing that I outlined. The story of Noah is fraught with issues. What Lot and his daughters did right after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah for immorality was sick but tolerated. The use of women and children as spoils of war, even at God's command, gives me room to pause and reflect on the real qualities of God in the Bible. That Jesus guy was pretty cool. Paul seemed like an authoritarian douchebag. Revelation reads like a guy on bad trip wrote a bunch of things down. I realize that the Watchtower has their own interpretation of many things, like the blood doctrine for example, but it doesn't take away the many flaws of the Bible. Maybe there's another way of looking at it entirely that would help, but I don't care.
If God wanted me to understand him and if the Bible was really this fatherly love letter to people that we needed to understand in order to please him, he should have made it more clear. He should have left some evidence like the Ark or that flaming sword at the entrance to the garden of Eden as clear evidence confirming what he had to know would sound just like fairy tales to adults later on in time. A loving father doesn't give his children a riddle and if they can't figure it out take away hope from them.
Why did miracles conveniently stop back then where nobody had any proof of them like video? Why couldn't an all powerful God have reasoned with people instead of killing them, talking directly to them like any father would instead of sending humans fraught with their own issues? Why were so many books written well after the fact, like the Gospels?
Look, I could go on, but as you can see I don't want anything more to do with the Bible and it isn't because of the Watchtower. If you believe, go on with your bad self and find what you're looking for there. I do still quote some wisdom contained therein, and I don't think it has zero value, but as some magical holy book from God it falls far short for me, but I realize that's just me. Again, none of that was the point of this thread.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
Oh, believe me, I'm not worried about what the JWs or Bible has to say. However, those automatic responses are programmed deep. I've also come to realize that both my wife and I bought in more than a lot of people that we met that are out. We were thoroughly convinced, very black and white thinkers, and lived by the letter of the law, so to speak. We were both the oldest of our siblings, both people pleasers, both perfectionists with the black and white cognitive distortions that comes with that. just deeply entrenched uber dubs even if we couldn't keep up with all of the organization's demands, which ultimately backfired on them.
I'm not repulsed by Halloween, though I don't like horror films or spiders, lol. I just don't like to stand out, don't like to be seen. It's a social anxiety thing. JWs had me all twisted up with social anxiety. Most of it has gone away, but deliberately dressing in a way so as to be seen and noticed is terrifying to me. From what I gather it can be that way for introverts anyway, but I know that the JWs made me more socially anxious as my levels of terror have gone way down since leaving them. In fact, I actually like people now. I used to kind of just generally hate everyone, lol.
The Bible loses me right in the first chapters where creative days are figurative but a talking snake is literal. It really "jumps the shark" from the beginning and doesn't get any better when I look at it objectively.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
That's the sentence that jumped out and smacked me as I read your story. That's the issue that has me so angry (and the Cult cost me an additional 20 years of my life than it did you). All that is just gone! Not just the time/years of life, but the experiences of life!
I hope you at least saved something for retirement because you're so much closer than I. I'm so sorry it two more decades from you.
Once you realize that the panda paradise, and the hopes that you hinged your future on were likely a fairy tale, it puts even more importance on living this life, not the next. There is only one life that I KNOW I have, and it is this one. My goal isn't to run out and do all of the things they told me was bad, like some people that I've known over the years, but to live a good life, do no harm, be happy, grow old, and die with something I can be proud of behind me. If there's something ahead of me that's awesome, but I want to control the controllables, and this life is the only thing I have any control over, any concrete knowledge of. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time. Then again, there are many people that aren't JWs that waste their lives in other pursuits. We aren't alone in that for sure. It doesn't take the sting away though when things hit you.
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21
Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........
by dubstepped inthroughout this process since my wife and i disassociated just over a year ago i've been pretty positive.
focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life.
it's been great.
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dubstepped
Throughout this process since my wife and I disassociated just over a year ago I've been pretty positive. Focusing on my new life, new friends, having fun, and living a good life. It's been great. However, like most things that happen in life, there seems to be an inevitable process that one has to go through and I'm not sure I'm done going through it yet. Heck, even during this year I couldn't help but be touched directly by the insanity of the cult when my dad died and I wasn't welcome at his memorial and was unshunned for 30 minutes or so to see him one last time in hospice and say goodbye. My mom then had no problems contacting me promising me that we'd see each other again, and of course wanting things from me like to sign papers for the estate, you know, all the things that they're welcome to contact us for but that I'm sure we'd be unwelcome if we needed from them. Anyway, I digress.
What brought about this current struggle is Halloween. My wife is excited about it. For the first time she gets to dress up and everything. For me, well I am struggling mightily. I don't like to be seen, don't like to stand out in the crowd, as I did so much as a JW kid as was bullied so much for it. I was bullied for other reasons too, but that was one. I was thinking back though to myself as a 6,7, 8 year old kid before the JWs. I remember being excited about Halloween, loved going trick or treating in the neighborhood, and as far as I remember loved the costume part too. Somewhere in the decades of destruction that followed, the dehumanizing of me that occurred in the cult, I lost that part of me.
It made me realize that there may be other parts of me that I lost. I was a happy and sweet kid and I know I turned into a rage filled judgemental prick at their hands, something I've tried hard to shake off and leave behind. But there are still remnants of their crap that are with me. I read something about Russia and nukes the other day and there's something in the back of my head that brought up a panicky feeling inside about the end of this system and were they (JWs) right and other garbage. I'm struggling looking back at all of the time lost to the cult, all of the things I'll never get to experience. I missed my youth, college, sports, girls, etc. All gone and can never be recovered. I'm left with feelings and thoughts of a doomsday cult that pop up at unexpected times and make me feel weird inside. I'm also left fighting from behind, trying to catch up on experiences and things like retirement savings that I was never prepared for. Of course, I have to pay for these things with money made cleaning houses. It's not like I have a six figure income. Heck, I surprised my wife last week with her first ever water gun. She had never been allowed to have one. At 36 she finally got to play with one. I mean, really? The simple stupid things we were never allowed to do.
I wish there was one of those devices like in Men In Black, a clicker of sorts that makes everything previous just disappear. I know that there's more to me than what the cult took from me. I know that at 39 I have years in front of me. I know that I have a good life right now. I have a lot, and generally choose to focus on that, but right now my focus isn't my choice. I've been hit by a few things out of the blue and they shook me a bit. I met some other ex-JWs locally and heard their painful stories (two young ladies whose mom died and they were adopted by JWs that now shun them, and a young man whose wife turned him into the elders for smoking weed and then he lost everything). That miserable cult just leaves destruction, misery, and dysfunction in its wake. I think for the first time some of it is hitting me. I really hate them, and I mean that sincerely with every fiber of my being right now. I know that will dissipate. I know that I'll move past this stage. I may also come back to it at some point, but for now I seem to be here whether I'd like to be or not.
I'm not good at asking for help. I'm usually the guy trying to help others. I'm not even sure I'm asking for help or what in the world I need, but it was nice just to write this out and put it somewhere where I know others will understand.
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14
Today I Dropped In To Field Service Meeting
by pale.emperor ini just dropped my daughter off to her mum at her parents house.
it was 12pm and i knew they meet for feild service there but my ex and i assumed they would still be out knocking on doors.
i pull up in the street and there's quite a few cars parked up and the house was backed with jdubs from my old congregation.
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dubstepped
Yeah, YOU are the one trying to make them feel awkward (rolls eyes). F#@! those mf'ers with a hot poker. I can't believe someone hasn't gone postal under the absurd and bullying circumstances that they put people through. Good for you for bearing up under all of that and taking the high road. You're a good man. They're terrible human beings.
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22
Feeling very lonely
by BlackWolf inthe past few months i've been feeling really depressed and kind of hopeless.
the few people that actually were a little bit friendly to me at the hall recently moved away, and i'm feeling like more of an outcast than i already was.
every meeting i just stand by myself by the wall and nobody cares, i feel really lonely and unloved.
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dubstepped
Hey Blackwolf, I'm sorry to hear things are going poorly. Remember that you have friends here. You can pm me anytime. I understand being scared that someone will find you on here. It doesn't sound like your parents are very tech savvy, but from a quick Google search it does look like you can track down who is visiting what from a router, and no amount of clearing history or using incognito modes will help. Be very careful. Damn.
http://www.groovypost.com/howto/free-parental-control-net-monitoring-netgear/
That's an older article but there appear to maybe even be apps that can be used now.
Oh man, talk about isolating. I'm so sorry.
I know this doesn't help, but I would bet that there are many at your hall that feel just as lonely and unloved as you. I did, as an adult, and I know that others did too. There's always a select "cool club" and a clique or two and everyone else is an outcast, whether teens or adults. Face it, in the end everyone there is just a stranger united by the fact that they go to a place to do a thing, that's it.
I wish I had some great advice but I don't. Sometimes when you're in prison the only thing you can do is make the best of it and bide your time until your release date. Just know that you don't deserve it and be determined to do something better when you get out.
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Husband Turns Up With Circuit Overseer And Wife!
by disillusioned 2 inmy husband said he would be gone for the day.
the circuit overseer is at their cong and he trying to get brownie points.
i was just chilling watching tv with a cuppa, when i heard a car outside.
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dubstepped
Can't you just tell your husband not to pull that crap?