Posts by dubstepped

17

Serious question!

by ZindagiNaMilegiDobaara in

jw
friends

how would you answer:.

how can you change or improve an individuals dominant mental attitude?.

zing.

Self Limiting Beliefs

by abishephard in

left the jw’s as a teenager; as with most exjws i have struggled throughout the years with being a successful adult.

i have recently starting addressing some of the psychological trauma of my childhood, and i wonder if anyone else here can identify with any of these self limiting beliefs:.

- pursuit of wealth is bad (i.e.

Yes, these issues are common. There's also a lot of "learned helplessness", a form of denial where many wait for something to magically fix their lives like the paradise was supposed to. I just made a post about it in my Facebook group that I'll share since you seem to be interested in the subject. I got certified as a life coach and I help a number of ex-JWs to work through their "stuff" and host recovery groups (recovering from the cult, not substance abuse) twice a week. So I come up against a lot of the issues that former cult members face, and here's my post:

An illustration we used to be given as JWs was this (brought up by Kevin McFree's video). There are two families and each lives in a house with a leaky roof. The one family is miserable. The other family is happy. Why? The happy family knows that soon they will move into a new home. So they're happy to wait until that time, knowing that they will eventually be happy.

That really summarizes what my parents did. My dad lived a life of denial, and honestly my mom did too. Neither would take a stand or do anything to really change their lives. They let life happen to them, they never really went for anything they wanted. It was a life spent with a leaky roof (we literally had ceilings that would bubble when it rained and pots everywhere), and nobody was going to do anything.

In psychology that's often referred to as "learned helplessness".

I don't know why, maybe it was my frustration with watching my parents, but I never believed that I couldn't do something or get something if I didn't want it bad enough. Eventually in 2008 after being suicidal I wanted so badly to be happy and I took steps to get mentally and emotionally healthy so I could be happy. I literally studied happiness, among many other things.

My life isn't some fairy tale now but I'm happy. I got there, and if you're not there, you can get there in time. But you have to do something. You can't wait for someone to bring you happiness. There's no magic paradise coming for you, you might not even have tomorrow. That's a sobering reality.

I remember learning in Spanish class the word manana. That it meant tomorrow but was often used as a way of putting things off indefinitely. Don't put your happiness off indefinitely. You deserve happiness like anyone else. Jehovah's Witnesses or whatever cult you lived in took it from you and then made you feel powerless to have it apart from them. It was all a lie. You can be happy. You just have to do something to get there. Nobody else can make you happy, it's an inside game. So please don't buy the lie that something better will magically come your way someday without effort and that it will bring happiness with it while you sit in misery. Take action, reach out, find something better.

37

My "shameless" relationship with my ex wife

by Jayk in

i've thought about keeping this to myself but i'm still confused on what i should do.. my ex wife(never been a jw) and myself(raised in the org till 16)have been reconnecting these past few weeks.

we been divorced for almost 10 years, we got married when we where pretty young, and it didnt last long.. fast forward 10 years, her and i have been reconnecting and things are getting semi serious.. she got remarried, divorced again, and recently broke up with her gf.

so in the past 10 years she has only been with 3 people (including myself) and here comes me "a sucker with no self esteem".

dubstepped

You have issues but they don't impact relationships. Hers, on the other hand, probably do. Did you hear that she takes Zoloft?!!! Nah man, you're all good. No therapy needed. After all, you've told us you're logical.

I don't take issue with you asking people on a forum. That's what forums are for. But you're also not listening to what people are telling you and are deflecting it toward her while singing your own praises. You understand everyone's needs, you've got it all under control, but she on the other hand....

37

My "shameless" relationship with my ex wife

by Jayk in

i've thought about keeping this to myself but i'm still confused on what i should do.. my ex wife(never been a jw) and myself(raised in the org till 16)have been reconnecting these past few weeks.

we been divorced for almost 10 years, we got married when we where pretty young, and it didnt last long.. fast forward 10 years, her and i have been reconnecting and things are getting semi serious.. she got remarried, divorced again, and recently broke up with her gf.

so in the past 10 years she has only been with 3 people (including myself) and here comes me "a sucker with no self esteem".

dubstepped

Maybe you both should see a relationship therapist like a marriage therapist. Sounds like you might need help discussing things in a way where each is seen and heard. A therapist might notice some patterns or ways of being that you two don't.

33

Merger aftermath

by Rattigan350 in

a couple of months ago, i reported on my congregation being disolved and merged with another.. on sept 1, cong b merged with cong a using the same hall, thereafter using cong a's meeting times.

also nearby cong c moved into the hall using cong b's meeting times and cong c's kh is being put up for sale.. i've since been to both sunday meetings and both midweek meetings.

at all, the parking lot is totally full, cars have to park around the corner and on the street.

dubstepped

Are you disappointed that they aren't doing better?

32

District convention to be held in assembly hall instead of stadium

by NikL in

jw
friends

last night they announced that this summers district convention will be held at an assembly hall.. this is the first time i've seen this happen.

there are a couple of congregations in the same hall here and they aren't going to the same ones.

they are having multiple dates.. the hall they are going to use can only hold 1500 people max.. just wondering if maybe they just couldnt get anything bigger this year or if the falling numbers are playing a part in this decision.

dubstepped

Thanks.

32

District convention to be held in assembly hall instead of stadium

by NikL in

jw
friends

last night they announced that this summers district convention will be held at an assembly hall.. this is the first time i've seen this happen.

there are a couple of congregations in the same hall here and they aren't going to the same ones.

they are having multiple dates.. the hall they are going to use can only hold 1500 people max.. just wondering if maybe they just couldnt get anything bigger this year or if the falling numbers are playing a part in this decision.

dubstepped

This doesn't pertain to San Diego does it?

49

Steven Unthank and his work.

by WHATSGOINGON in

hi everyone, .

i have been trying really hard to find the court case transcript where steven unthank was in court in australia and one of the wt lawyers or a wt spokesperson said the faithful and discreet slave does not exist.. i hope that this is correct i remember reading about this a long while back and would love to get evidence of this.. i found steven on facebook and messaged him about 6 months ago and he didn't respond, he probably wants to let all this go, and i don't blame him for that.. any suggestions would be very much appreciated.. thanks wgo..

dubstepped

So then, Steven Unthank and Smiddy are liars. Just made it up out of nowhere. Okay, that can happen. Do we know that all cases are recorded in such a way, even if dismissed out of hand? Is there a possibility that if it was recorded it was under a different name of some sort? I know that Watchtower has many names they go by.

In the end, like I said, I don't care that much, certainly not enough to document a blow by blow account from three years ago about something that doesn't even really matter, lol. But it obviously matters a great deal to you for some reason and seems quite personal by your reaction. I don't need Steven Unthank to prove to me what a farse Jehovah's Witnesses or the supposed FDS is, but apparently you need to disprove him for some reason. It just feels strange. Maybe you put faith in his words and feel duped. I guess you feel duped by Smiddy too. Good luck with all of that.

49

Steven Unthank and his work.

by WHATSGOINGON in

hi everyone, .

i have been trying really hard to find the court case transcript where steven unthank was in court in australia and one of the wt lawyers or a wt spokesperson said the faithful and discreet slave does not exist.. i hope that this is correct i remember reading about this a long while back and would love to get evidence of this.. i found steven on facebook and messaged him about 6 months ago and he didn't respond, he probably wants to let all this go, and i don't blame him for that.. any suggestions would be very much appreciated.. thanks wgo..

dubstepped

@Solaris11, how do we know that you're not misdirecting? Someone else claims to have been there and that it was ultimately dismissed. You claim that if it was dismissed "it never happened", which isn't factually true. That just means they didn't go forward on something, not that it never happened. I don't have a horse in this race and don't really care but when someone bumps something long after the fact it seems like they have a specific ax to grind.

13

Looking for Podcast recommendations.

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

i'm a postman so i get 4 to 5 hours every day with my headphones on and i'm really chewing through some stuff.

i'm after science (evolutionary biology and anthropology especially), history of religion and comedy.

old sci-fi audio books are also a favourite.

dubstepped

I host the Shunned podcast but it sounds like it's probably too long for you to listen to.

If you like comedy and religion then Zealot, How To Heretic, or The Drunk Mormon Podcast might be something you like.

If you're interested in prison life then Ear Hustle is a good listen.

Dumb People Town is funny. I also second Bill Burr's podcast The Monday Morning Podcast that was mentioned. He's great.