Some fantastic advice here. Thanks again. Just so you know I've just purchased a combination lock (so I can see if she plays around with the numbers) not going to say anything just put it on before I leave for work
rathernotsay
JoinedPosts by rathernotsay
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I know the simple answer for the room situation is a lock. But I can't help but feel I shouldn't have to. Maybe as a short term solution. Geez we don't ever lock our house or car (we live in rural new zealand.. Noone locks anything) -
49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I set limits on what I'm prepared to give her towards it. I don't give her money to go away to the conventions. I do however pay for her petrol that is supposed to be used for school runs etc but is obviously getting used towards her pioneering. She does bring in a small income (just be fully transperant).. here in new zealand we have a tax scheme that gives you money back off your income tax each week based on your earnings and dependants. This is paid to her. It's not alot but it's generally enough for her to buy herself and the kids treats and has allowed her to pay a new (2nd hand) car off. I know she puts this money aside to save for her conventions. Perhaps I do need to tighten up the purse a wee bit. It does annoy me that while I am paying our housing, power, Internet, food bills etc she is able to save for these trips away while I'm left unable to save for a holiday for us. It may aswell be comming out of my income as its just money she's not putting towards the family, am I right?
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
It's probably been about 2 years clean now looking back on the previous post, so perhaps that's why the pioneering has only recently started. I forget what they called it when they stood her down (allowed to go to meetings but not answer up or anything), but during that period I had been talking to one of her elders and still have his phone number shall I need it. I'll just mention when she fell pregnant with our first child she was de fellowshiped. It was then that I seen how miserable she became without her friends and family, and being at a time in her life when she needs them more than ever before. This made me hae not just their faith but all of them even more. She decided in her head that she would leave to start a family with me. This is when I decided if she's prepared to do that then I'm prepared to marry her to give her her life back. Maybe I shouldve just let her walk.
As far as the kids go, I don't like it but I feel that there is little I can do. I don't want to blame work but it really is a case of I have to be at work to provide for us as we are living entirely off my income. Which means that she is responsible for looking after the kids in the large part, so if she wants to go to meetings or door to door etc that the kids enevitably end up with her. Is she brain washing the kids? I'd like to think not... yet when I asked Mr 3 to say something nice to me yesterday he said Jehovah loves you. I don't know if this makes me angry or sad. Both probably.
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
Thanks everyone, ive found this to be one of the most helpful online communities around, mature, respectful and truthful answers.
I don't think seperating is on the cards. But perhaps id be silly to rule it out. We've dealt with past problems. The issue is this time it's just reoccurring problems.
Things I've told her over and over not to do. Another example just so you get my angle.. I have a 'mancave'... just an office kinda thing off the side of my garage. A place that I like to keep my things like my collectables, got a pc, tv/ps4 out there too. It's understood that this is dad's room, ive tried to tell her that she's not to touch anything in there, and it's my responsibility to keep it clean. Yet time after time she comes in and 'cleans'. Why does this annoy me? Mostly cause she throws things away, what she thought was rubbish may be a reciept I needed to keep, or something I was fixing. I half think this is just a reason for going through my stuff.
Sorry for the spelling mistakes too, I'm at work trying to do too many things and not proof reading lol
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I've tried playing the headship card a number of times. I know she wants me to make the decisions for our household yet when I do whatever rule etc I've put in place gets listened to for a week or so then we're back to the way things were. A prime example of this would be the 3 year old sleeping in our bed. I haìd said to her that enough is enough and that if he's in our bed I'm going to move him and if he wakes up its on her to go lie down with him in his bed instead of just letting him in ours. I even went as far as saying if I purchase a brand new bed for us that not once he was to sleep in it. Thousands of dollars and a new bed later and he's still I our bed. This may not seem like a big deal to some but it's just another thing I'm not bwing listened to about
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
Our children are 1, 3 and 6. So one at home one at kindergarten and one at school. She takes care of the drop offs lunches etc unless I have a day off then I'll take care of pickin them up etc.
After what happened in our relationship roughly 18 months ago I can see why she may feel like an outsider (see a previous post).
I wasn't aware there was such a thing as auxiliary pioneering, so couldn't say which kind of pioneering she is. I just know she spends too much time on it IMO
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
Hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my JW wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
First a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together. She is a JW, and I am not (nor do I have any religious beliefs).
There is a number of things that my wife is doing that has been getting on my nerves for a while now. I hope noone thinks I am overreacting here but if that's what you think then say so... I'm a big boy and Im sure I can handle it.
She asked me a while ago if I minded her starting pioneering. I do mind. I have never asked her to stop being a JW but that she needs to find a balance in her life with our children, me working extremely long hours to provide for us. I told her that I didn't want her to pioneer as its too much of a commitment and she already spends alot of time with JW related activities. I do wish she would spend less time worrying about that stuff and more time on our children or re educating herself to reenter the workforce. She's gone behind my back and gone ahead with pioneering regardless. I'm not sure where I go to with this. I do know some of her elders and I've even considered going to them and saying that she is going against my wished but I don't know if this is the right course of action or even if I'm entitled to do so.
There's a number of other things that I'm finding disrespectful too. They may seem minor but it's a case of these things I've asked her not to do but she does it regardless and it's starting to really annoy me. These are just things like throwing away old clothes that I wear to work or throwing away personal items that I've asked her not to touch.
Anyway id love to hear some people's thoughts or questions.
Thanks!
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25
Raising kids in a split faith household
by rathernotsay inhi guys, don't know if this is the right place to ask but id like to hear other peoples experiences with raising kids in a household with split faiths.
just for a bit of a back story, my wife and i have been married for comming up 6 years.
we have 3 kids, 2 boys aged 5 and 3 and a 8 week old girl.
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rathernotsay
Been thinking about this 66% Stat, she has 2 brothers and 2 sisters and out of the 50 of them only her and one sister are haha. That means that I'll have 1 jw kid. Should've stopped at 2, my eldest is remarkably like me and completly obsessed with space ( thank you thunderbirds ) so it won't be him. My middle child is real naughty, likes to be the clown and make people laugh, bit of a smart arse so it won't be him. That means it'll be my daughter which is probably more likely purely based on gender as she'll be more like mum.
It's intresting that a few of you have mentioned about how they may try stop the children from being around other non jw kids by discouraging sports etc. I live in new zealand where children are heavily encouraged to play sports, by both parents and schools. I haven't really had this problem. My wife's been quite ok with the sports thing, my eldest joined a football club at 3 and was in a NZ junior programme at 4. He's not showing a lot of interest this year though, if he doesn't want to play I won't force him to. Mr 3 has shown immense promise with his football ability so I'll probably sign him up this year too. Even her family have been supportive, helping with the expenses, taking them if we can't etc.
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25
Raising kids in a split faith household
by rathernotsay inhi guys, don't know if this is the right place to ask but id like to hear other peoples experiences with raising kids in a household with split faiths.
just for a bit of a back story, my wife and i have been married for comming up 6 years.
we have 3 kids, 2 boys aged 5 and 3 and a 8 week old girl.
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rathernotsay
There's some useful advice here.. thanks everyone. The 3 and 5 year old already understand that I am not a witness. Well more they understand I dont come to the meetings but I think Mr 5 knows now that dad doesn't believe what he or mum does.
Its hard to separate them from the cult. Their friends are all witnesses, as most are just the children of friends of hers.
I do certainly make time to do things with them that are far removed from this cult, whether that's taking them out to the park, bike rides etc. I guess by comparison it's not too bad for us, she accepts that I don't want them to be jws and it's never really discussed in my house, while I'm around anyway.