This I what I'm scared about, them now turning the kids against me. I've never felt like she has really, she always encouraged a good relationship and has never really argued over my having the kids half the time. But that could all be about to change. I'd really rather avoid lawyers but I guess thats up to them if they want to try and argue that my place is less suitable which it truthfully isn't. This isn't really even about anything JW but I've been around it long enough to know that there's elders that like to stick their noses in etc... should of seen what they were like when I decided to leave her!
rathernotsay
JoinedPosts by rathernotsay
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9
Any advice for my situation?
by rathernotsay inhey, this community was so helpful last time i didnt know how to handle a situation years ago, and here i am all theae years later back on here asking for some advice again on how to handle a certain situation with my kids.
little bit of backstory.. i'm an non jw, been divorced from my ex wife (practicing jw) for about 6 years now.
have 3 kids 7, 10, 13. .
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9
Any advice for my situation?
by rathernotsay inhey, this community was so helpful last time i didnt know how to handle a situation years ago, and here i am all theae years later back on here asking for some advice again on how to handle a certain situation with my kids.
little bit of backstory.. i'm an non jw, been divorced from my ex wife (practicing jw) for about 6 years now.
have 3 kids 7, 10, 13. .
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rathernotsay
I asked myself if I was being controlling here, I don't think I am. I sincerely hope it all works out for the best. I'm just not happy about 8 people iving in a tiny 3 bedroom. And I'm in a position to offer my kids better than that
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9
Any advice for my situation?
by rathernotsay inhey, this community was so helpful last time i didnt know how to handle a situation years ago, and here i am all theae years later back on here asking for some advice again on how to handle a certain situation with my kids.
little bit of backstory.. i'm an non jw, been divorced from my ex wife (practicing jw) for about 6 years now.
have 3 kids 7, 10, 13. .
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rathernotsay
Hey, this community was so helpful last time I didnt know how to handle a situation years ago, and here i am all theae years later back on here asking for some advice again on how to handle a certain situation with my kids
Little bit of backstory.. I'm an non JW, been divorced from my ex wife (practicing JW) for about 6 years now. Have 3 kids 7, 10, 13.
Shared custody roughly 45 me / 55 her. I have a new partner, recently engaged, been together 5 years, she has a 7yo. Ex wife is also recently engaged, to another practicing JW, met a few month ago, he has 3 kids 14, 9, 6. His ex wife died last year.
So in the last few weeks my kids have been telling me different stories as to what's happening with the wedding and them moving in together. The latest was that they were all moving into her small rental after the wedding in a few months time. Moving caravans etc onto the property for the kids. I'm not comfortable about this. I sat down with her yesterday and told her that im not happy about her plans as I don't feel this is suitable accommodation long term for my kids, that I wasnt comfortable with my 7yo daughter sharing with a 14yo girl she doesnt really know, and that given I have plenty of room at my place, I feel as if its time I stood up and had the kids the majority of the time, and if she didn't agree, and wasn't able to offer an alternative living situation for the kids, that I'm prepared to pursue the legal route (not that I'm entirely sure where I stand here yet). I guess I'm just asking for advice here about what kind of response this is going to get from a JW perspective?
Also when we sat down and talked yesterday we discussed that I have let our eldest do the online meetings from my home. This was one way I thought it may help him feel loved and accepted at my home too, as he is the only one of our 3 showing any real interest in JW. However just over the years, since our divorce she has gone deeper and deeper. I used to be able to keep it under control when we were married, but not it's allcover every wall in her house etc, but what has concerned me is that I'm hearing particularly from our 10yo things like that she's banned him from a school approved game because it has wizards. I feel now is probably the next best time since besides yesterday to put a stop to any JW activity in my home. I told her that it's been all take and no give in this regard so given there is now 8 of them and another male JW influence in their lives that im going to speak to our eldest and say no more. I havent done this yet, but any advice from you guys before I do?
Thanks, and sorry for the long winded story, just a young (ish) dad trying to do the best I can for my family x
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Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
Thanks everyone, seems like your all saying to keep doing what I'm doing, which is nice to hear.
@stand livedeath... she was a JW when we met but was going off the rails a bit and not actively partaking. Ended up pregnant and getting defellowshipped and has fought her way back in over the years. We are also in New Zealand not the UK although we share very similar laws from what I understand
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Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
Some valid points raised there. I've tried to be respectful of their mother and her beliefs but I can see where that's going to lead. As far as getting divorced and getting an attorney to put stops in place, that's not possible in my country. You have to be separated for 2 years before applying for a divorce, and the courts will ot interfere with religious activities. According to my lawyer the best outcome I could have is a court order regarding their healthcare and blood transfusion. But I have spoken with their doctor and it is already set that way on their records.
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Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
I agree with you about not lying, was kinda put on the spot and it felt like I wasnt going to get through to him without explaining that there are other gods.
As for custody, we dont have a set arrangement, due to my work I can only have then sporadically, usually one or two nights a week. It's been a case of juggling things and working together.
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Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
Hi everyone, was hoping I could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.
So my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and I have separated. Largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life. The breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out. We have been separated nearing a year now, I have moved on and met someone that I'm very compatible with and have plans to move in together in the near future. She remains single and not even entertaining the idea of dating.
She is a JW, I never have been (or any other religion). I have always allowed my children to attend the meetings, as I want them to make their own mind up, and have just encouraged them to learn about dinosaurs and space etc. I always had rules for my household that included things like I didnt want grace said at my table, the kids can thank me for earning the bread and mum for cooking it.
However, having separated I have lost that control. Shes obviously free to teach them what she likes now I'm not around. This scares me. I can see my children slipping further into the belief system and I dont know what I can or should do about it. I sat down with mr 6 and explained to him that I dont believe there is one god but many. This isnt entirely true, I dont believe in any, however trying to explain that I dont believe in anything to a 6 year old is difficult and it seemed it would be easier for him to understand if I could give him an alternative.
I dont want to ramble on too much, so just wondering how others have dealt with similar situations?
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Just asked JW wife to quit
by rathernotsay inso i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?
", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?
" (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
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rathernotsay
Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I never really looked at it like spiritual endangerment as a few have suggested. I've managed to stay relatively niaeve about it all during our 10 years together as I simply think it is along with all other religions a bunch of fairy tales. Shes always largely hidden it from me aswell... by that I mean there is no thanks given at my table... well as long as I'm there anyway.
The reason I felt I should ask her as it was me that gave up my last name so to speak to allow her back in. Very brief explanation... we were young she was rebelling, she got pregnant, she got defellowshipped, no friends, no family, no support = miserable... didnt want my baby mama to feel like that so went and signed a marriage certificate... no wedding at all. So I gave it up for her and made that sacrifice I wanted to know if she would return the favor. But it could potentially save our marriage aswell, I feel like the main reason I want out is were not even friends anymore and haven't been for a long time and the jw thing is a major reason why... we just see the world so differently.
As for having my legal ducks in a row, I should be fine really (just fyi were from the south Pacific), I dont want to take custody but have a shared arrangement, and as we are and were a young family of 5 we never really gained much financially so theres nothing really there to split as in property etc. I'm hoping to keep things amicable moving forward so we can sort most of this situation without lawyers and the courts involvement... but time will tell on that one.
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Just asked JW wife to quit
by rathernotsay inso i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?
", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?
" (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
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rathernotsay
So I wont get into why i asked my JW wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity I asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the JWs?", It was a SNAP call NO, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?" (Shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
Has anyone here been through this with their partner? Just curious really, I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless but I'd still like to hear your experiences.
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JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I do agree that maybe my locking my room may be a little passive aggressive, however consider the circumstances, it's taken me 6 years of this kind of behavior from her to get to this point. I've tried talking to her, she will say yes yes yes but that wears off after a week or two and she's back to her old tricks. Also I haven't (and still havent) had the chance to talk to her properly about it. I start work before her and the kids are out of bed and I don't get back till they're back in bed that night. Have 4 days off after today so will have that opportunity to talk to her then