rathernotsay

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Posts by rathernotsay

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  21

  Just asked JW wife to quit

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?

  ", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?

  " (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).

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  rathernotsay

  Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I never really looked at it like spiritual endangerment as a few have suggested. I've managed to stay relatively niaeve about it all during our 10 years together as I simply think it is along with all other religions a bunch of fairy tales. Shes always largely hidden it from me aswell... by that I mean there is no thanks given at my table... well as long as I'm there anyway.

  The reason I felt I should ask her as it was me that gave up my last name so to speak to allow her back in. Very brief explanation... we were young she was rebelling, she got pregnant, she got defellowshipped, no friends, no family, no support = miserable... didnt want my baby mama to feel like that so went and signed a marriage certificate... no wedding at all. So I gave it up for her and made that sacrifice I wanted to know if she would return the favor. But it could potentially save our marriage aswell, I feel like the main reason I want out is were not even friends anymore and haven't been for a long time and the jw thing is a major reason why... we just see the world so differently.

  As for having my legal ducks in a row, I should be fine really (just fyi were from the south Pacific), I dont want to take custody but have a shared arrangement, and as we are and were a young family of 5 we never really gained much financially so theres nothing really there to split as in property etc. I'm hoping to keep things amicable moving forward so we can sort most of this situation without lawyers and the courts involvement... but time will tell on that one.
• 
  21

  Just asked JW wife to quit

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?

  ", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?

  " (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).

  1. 
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  rathernotsay

  So I wont get into why i asked my JW wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity I asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the JWs?", It was a SNAP call NO, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?" (Shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).

  Has anyone here been through this with their partner? Just curious really, I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless but I'd still like to hear your experiences.
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

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  rathernotsay

  I do agree that maybe my locking my room may be a little passive aggressive, however consider the circumstances, it's taken me 6 years of this kind of behavior from her to get to this point. I've tried talking to her, she will say yes yes yes but that wears off after a week or two and she's back to her old tricks. Also I haven't (and still havent) had the chance to talk to her properly about it. I start work before her and the kids are out of bed and I don't get back till they're back in bed that night. Have 4 days off after today so will have that opportunity to talk to her then
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

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  rathernotsay

  Some fantastic advice here. Thanks again. Just so you know I've just purchased a combination lock (so I can see if she plays around with the numbers) not going to say anything just put it on before I leave for work
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

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• 

  rathernotsay

  I know the simple answer for the room situation is a lock. But I can't help but feel I shouldn't have to. Maybe as a short term solution. Geez we don't ever lock our house or car (we live in rural new zealand.. Noone locks anything)
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

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  2. 
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• 

  rathernotsay

  I set limits on what I'm prepared to give her towards it. I don't give her money to go away to the conventions. I do however pay for her petrol that is supposed to be used for school runs etc but is obviously getting used towards her pioneering. She does bring in a small income (just be fully transperant).. here in new zealand we have a tax scheme that gives you money back off your income tax each week based on your earnings and dependants. This is paid to her. It's not alot but it's generally enough for her to buy herself and the kids treats and has allowed her to pay a new (2nd hand) car off. I know she puts this money aside to save for her conventions. Perhaps I do need to tighten up the purse a wee bit. It does annoy me that while I am paying our housing, power, Internet, food bills etc she is able to save for these trips away while I'm left unable to save for a holiday for us. It may aswell be comming out of my income as its just money she's not putting towards the family, am I right?
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  rathernotsay

  It's probably been about 2 years clean now looking back on the previous post, so perhaps that's why the pioneering has only recently started. I forget what they called it when they stood her down (allowed to go to meetings but not answer up or anything), but during that period I had been talking to one of her elders and still have his phone number shall I need it. I'll just mention when she fell pregnant with our first child she was de fellowshiped. It was then that I seen how miserable she became without her friends and family, and being at a time in her life when she needs them more than ever before. This made me hae not just their faith but all of them even more. She decided in her head that she would leave to start a family with me. This is when I decided if she's prepared to do that then I'm prepared to marry her to give her her life back. Maybe I shouldve just let her walk.

  As far as the kids go, I don't like it but I feel that there is little I can do. I don't want to blame work but it really is a case of I have to be at work to provide for us as we are living entirely off my income. Which means that she is responsible for looking after the kids in the large part, so if she wants to go to meetings or door to door etc that the kids enevitably end up with her. Is she brain washing the kids? I'd like to think not... yet when I asked Mr 3 to say something nice to me yesterday he said Jehovah loves you. I don't know if this makes me angry or sad. Both probably.
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  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  rathernotsay

  Thanks everyone, ive found this to be one of the most helpful online communities around, mature, respectful and truthful answers.

  I don't think seperating is on the cards. But perhaps id be silly to rule it out. We've dealt with past problems. The issue is this time it's just reoccurring problems.

  Things I've told her over and over not to do. Another example just so you get my angle.. I have a 'mancave'... just an office kinda thing off the side of my garage. A place that I like to keep my things like my collectables, got a pc, tv/ps4 out there too. It's understood that this is dad's room, ive tried to tell her that she's not to touch anything in there, and it's my responsibility to keep it clean. Yet time after time she comes in and 'cleans'. Why does this annoy me? Mostly cause she throws things away, what she thought was rubbish may be a reciept I needed to keep, or something I was fixing. I half think this is just a reason for going through my stuff.

  Sorry for the spelling mistakes too, I'm at work trying to do too many things and not proof reading lol
• 
  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  rathernotsay

  I've tried playing the headship card a number of times. I know she wants me to make the decisions for our household yet when I do whatever rule etc I've put in place gets listened to for a week or so then we're back to the way things were. A prime example of this would be the 3 year old sleeping in our bed. I haìd said to her that enough is enough and that if he's in our bed I'm going to move him and if he wakes up its on her to go lie down with him in his bed instead of just letting him in ours. I even went as far as saying if I purchase a brand new bed for us that not once he was to sleep in it. Thousands of dollars and a new bed later and he's still I our bed. This may not seem like a big deal to some but it's just another thing I'm not bwing listened to about
• 
  49

  JW Wife not listening

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

  first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

  she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  rathernotsay

  Our children are 1, 3 and 6. So one at home one at kindergarten and one at school. She takes care of the drop offs lunches etc unless I have a day off then I'll take care of pickin them up etc.

  After what happened in our relationship roughly 18 months ago I can see why she may feel like an outsider (see a previous post).

  I wasn't aware there was such a thing as auxiliary pioneering, so couldn't say which kind of pioneering she is. I just know she spends too much time on it IMO