Some valid points raised there. I've tried to be respectful of their mother and her beliefs but I can see where that's going to lead. As far as getting divorced and getting an attorney to put stops in place, that's not possible in my country. You have to be separated for 2 years before applying for a divorce, and the courts will ot interfere with religious activities. According to my lawyer the best outcome I could have is a court order regarding their healthcare and blood transfusion. But I have spoken with their doctor and it is already set that way on their records.
rathernotsay
JoinedPosts by rathernotsay
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17
Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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17
Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
I agree with you about not lying, was kinda put on the spot and it felt like I wasnt going to get through to him without explaining that there are other gods.
As for custody, we dont have a set arrangement, due to my work I can only have then sporadically, usually one or two nights a week. It's been a case of juggling things and working together.
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17
Parenting through seperation
by rathernotsay inhi everyone, was hoping i could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.. so my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and i have separated.
largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life.
the breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out.
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rathernotsay
Hi everyone, was hoping I could share my experience, read other people's, and perhaps receive some advice regarding parenting through seperation.
So my wife of 8 odd years, and mother to my 3 children (8,6,3) and I have separated. Largely due to our differences not just with religion but all areas of life. The breakup was amicable, and we remain somewhat friendly to one another while we work all this out. We have been separated nearing a year now, I have moved on and met someone that I'm very compatible with and have plans to move in together in the near future. She remains single and not even entertaining the idea of dating.
She is a JW, I never have been (or any other religion). I have always allowed my children to attend the meetings, as I want them to make their own mind up, and have just encouraged them to learn about dinosaurs and space etc. I always had rules for my household that included things like I didnt want grace said at my table, the kids can thank me for earning the bread and mum for cooking it.
However, having separated I have lost that control. Shes obviously free to teach them what she likes now I'm not around. This scares me. I can see my children slipping further into the belief system and I dont know what I can or should do about it. I sat down with mr 6 and explained to him that I dont believe there is one god but many. This isnt entirely true, I dont believe in any, however trying to explain that I dont believe in anything to a 6 year old is difficult and it seemed it would be easier for him to understand if I could give him an alternative.
I dont want to ramble on too much, so just wondering how others have dealt with similar situations?
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21
Just asked JW wife to quit
by rathernotsay inso i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?
", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?
" (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
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rathernotsay
Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I never really looked at it like spiritual endangerment as a few have suggested. I've managed to stay relatively niaeve about it all during our 10 years together as I simply think it is along with all other religions a bunch of fairy tales. Shes always largely hidden it from me aswell... by that I mean there is no thanks given at my table... well as long as I'm there anyway.
The reason I felt I should ask her as it was me that gave up my last name so to speak to allow her back in. Very brief explanation... we were young she was rebelling, she got pregnant, she got defellowshipped, no friends, no family, no support = miserable... didnt want my baby mama to feel like that so went and signed a marriage certificate... no wedding at all. So I gave it up for her and made that sacrifice I wanted to know if she would return the favor. But it could potentially save our marriage aswell, I feel like the main reason I want out is were not even friends anymore and haven't been for a long time and the jw thing is a major reason why... we just see the world so differently.
As for having my legal ducks in a row, I should be fine really (just fyi were from the south Pacific), I dont want to take custody but have a shared arrangement, and as we are and were a young family of 5 we never really gained much financially so theres nothing really there to split as in property etc. I'm hoping to keep things amicable moving forward so we can sort most of this situation without lawyers and the courts involvement... but time will tell on that one.
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21
Just asked JW wife to quit
by rathernotsay inso i wont get into why i asked my jw wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity i asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the jws?
", it was a snap call no, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?
" (shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
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rathernotsay
So I wont get into why i asked my JW wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity I asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the JWs?", It was a SNAP call NO, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?" (Shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).
Has anyone here been through this with their partner? Just curious really, I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless but I'd still like to hear your experiences.
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JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I do agree that maybe my locking my room may be a little passive aggressive, however consider the circumstances, it's taken me 6 years of this kind of behavior from her to get to this point. I've tried talking to her, she will say yes yes yes but that wears off after a week or two and she's back to her old tricks. Also I haven't (and still havent) had the chance to talk to her properly about it. I start work before her and the kids are out of bed and I don't get back till they're back in bed that night. Have 4 days off after today so will have that opportunity to talk to her then -
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JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
Some fantastic advice here. Thanks again. Just so you know I've just purchased a combination lock (so I can see if she plays around with the numbers) not going to say anything just put it on before I leave for work -
49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I know the simple answer for the room situation is a lock. But I can't help but feel I shouldn't have to. Maybe as a short term solution. Geez we don't ever lock our house or car (we live in rural new zealand.. Noone locks anything) -
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JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
I set limits on what I'm prepared to give her towards it. I don't give her money to go away to the conventions. I do however pay for her petrol that is supposed to be used for school runs etc but is obviously getting used towards her pioneering. She does bring in a small income (just be fully transperant).. here in new zealand we have a tax scheme that gives you money back off your income tax each week based on your earnings and dependants. This is paid to her. It's not alot but it's generally enough for her to buy herself and the kids treats and has allowed her to pay a new (2nd hand) car off. I know she puts this money aside to save for her conventions. Perhaps I do need to tighten up the purse a wee bit. It does annoy me that while I am paying our housing, power, Internet, food bills etc she is able to save for these trips away while I'm left unable to save for a holiday for us. It may aswell be comming out of my income as its just money she's not putting towards the family, am I right?
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49
JW Wife not listening
by rathernotsay inhey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.
first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.
she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).
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rathernotsay
It's probably been about 2 years clean now looking back on the previous post, so perhaps that's why the pioneering has only recently started. I forget what they called it when they stood her down (allowed to go to meetings but not answer up or anything), but during that period I had been talking to one of her elders and still have his phone number shall I need it. I'll just mention when she fell pregnant with our first child she was de fellowshiped. It was then that I seen how miserable she became without her friends and family, and being at a time in her life when she needs them more than ever before. This made me hae not just their faith but all of them even more. She decided in her head that she would leave to start a family with me. This is when I decided if she's prepared to do that then I'm prepared to marry her to give her her life back. Maybe I shouldve just let her walk.
As far as the kids go, I don't like it but I feel that there is little I can do. I don't want to blame work but it really is a case of I have to be at work to provide for us as we are living entirely off my income. Which means that she is responsible for looking after the kids in the large part, so if she wants to go to meetings or door to door etc that the kids enevitably end up with her. Is she brain washing the kids? I'd like to think not... yet when I asked Mr 3 to say something nice to me yesterday he said Jehovah loves you. I don't know if this makes me angry or sad. Both probably.