Posts by Fleur

117

Vigil for my daughter, please.

by outnfree in

as mentioned in my other thread, my daughter lena is having brainsurgery on monday, jan 24. the surgery will last 6-7 hours, so i'm hoping the board members will be willing to make a special effort tomorrow to send positive thoughts, healing energy, good wishes and prayers her way.

we are asking that the surgeon's hands be delicate and skillful and that lena does not bleed overmuch and that brain damage be minimal (if not non-existant).

surgery begins at 8 am eastern standard time (us), but we have to have her to the hospital by 6 am, so this is "good night!

Fleur

thanks petty, thinking of you brenda and lena!!!!

17

disfellowshipping

by mamas in

jw
friends

i was recently disfellowshipped for being in a same sex relationship with a female.

i understand that it is against bible standards but i do not agree with disfellowshipping in that everyone including my family has nothing to do with me.

i am 18 years old.

Fleur

Oh, 18. You're so young!

I'm a ripe old...well almost twice your age now, not quite! I was 24 when I had my first doubts about the org. and stopped going to meetings, was 26 when I was df'd for divorcing a man who treated me horribly and having a relationship with (then marrying) one who treats me like treasure.

I lost 99 percent of my family and all the people I grew up with. It's so hard leaving when you're born in; and they don't discriminate in shunning whether you leave for a straight or gay relationship; my family has called me horrible, hurtful things like 'fornicator' and 'adulteror' even though I was divorced before getting into a physical relationship with anyone.

The best thing that you can do is build a good support system; among others who truly know how you feel and the road you've walked. I can understand the shunning and df'd part of your story but I know that since I'm straight that I can't claim to understand everything you've gone through.

I hope that you will be able to truly find yourself now; so that no matter what happens, whether you're with the lady you love now for the rest of your life, or if you eventually move on to other relationships, you will know that the one option that you don't have is going back to the organization because it would mean selling out all that you are.

You can make it, be strong. It's not an easy road, but there are others a bit further down who I am sure will open their hearts, and offer their wisdom, to you to help you along.

Welcome to JWD.

hugs

essie

72

High rates of depression in Org.

by chuckyy in

i noticed after being a jw for a while that many members of my congregation were having to take antedepressants.

(i counted at least 30 out of 100).

after a few years i too began to have bouts of depression and problems with anxiety.

Fleur

Welcome to the forum new folks!

Gary, those links are great, thank you I hadn't seen them before!

How could you be a JW and NOT be depressed? There is nothing about the environment, teachings, or shepherding tactics that foster well being, security, or happiness. No wonder they're all depressed.

I think that somewhere, most JW's know that they are being lied to/played by the GB and the teachings...and living a lie is a quick, short route to misery.

Only, when they have doubts, they're programmed to believe it's THEIR failing, not the cults. Devious and detestable.

~essie

15

When It Snows, It's an Avalanche!

by outnfree in

as if i wasn't already completely stressed out about my daughter's upcoming brain surgery, not to mention being executrix of my mother's estate (and she left a lot of debt), i just learned the day before yesterday that my father-in-law has colon cancer, and now today.... today i learned that my 35 year old nephew, my deceased sister's only living son, is suffering from congestive heart failure.

the cardiologists have told him he only has 10% function left.

they cannot even perform a catheterization to see whether or where arteries are blocked or valves are diseased.

Fleur

((((((((((((((brenda))))))))))))))

I'm sorry things are so bad right now...thinking of you...

love

essie

41

Songs which remind you of J Dubs....

by missy04 in

jw
friends

i was just sitting here listening to a song by breaking benjamin called "rain" and it reminded me of the witnesses.. ""rain".

take a photograph, .

not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here, .

Fleur

Jehovah Made This Whole Joint For You Lyrics
The New Radicals

Met a girl, I met Carolina
Her parents jumped off Niagara Falls
She broke her hips when she was a baby
trying to hop the Berlin wall
It's not that she's anti-American
although she shot a mayor at nine
He looked just like the prez on T.V
she didn't know in '63 he had died

Does she think this world is all wrong
Does she think I'll rob her and run
When I ask her she gets her gun
and simply says scat boy scat scat

But isn't it a wonderful world Carolina
Look at the birds in the sky
Jehovah made this whole joint for you, Carolina
and isn't it so wonderful to be alive

So original in her black lipstick
listening to some obscure band
But isn't she pissed that all the other non-conformists
listen to that same obscure band

That's OK she's helping the enviroment
by sipping pure water and such
Then she screams we better start thinking about the ozone layer,
while tossing out a styrofoam cup

Does she think this world is all wrong
Does she think I'll rob her and run
When I ask her she gets her gun
She simply says scat boy scat scat

But isn't it a wonderful world Carolina
Look at the birds in the sky
Jehovah made this whole joint for you, Carolina
so isn't it so wonderful to be alive
Real deep s*** on her mind
"Let's kill the world, take over everything"
She says, "We dont need politicians; they breed mistrust,
and as a matter of fact did you steal my purse?"

Yeah, but isn't it a wonderful world Carolina
look at the birds in the sky
Jehovah made this whole joint for you, Carolina
so isn't it wonderful to be alive
Huh isn't it beautiful to be a...
Isn't it wonderful to be alive...
F*** yeah, it's so wonderful I feel like..
Dying...

The cd was called "Maybe You've been Brainwashed too."

39

Shunning - what do they think they are accomplishing?

by mjarka911 in

jw
friends

a jw cousin of mine called my jw wife today and asked if i saw my new nephew from my jw sister.

my wife said "no, his family would never allow him to see the baby!

" (i'm da'd).

Fleur

Wow, seems to be a lot of newbies in this thread; welcome everyone! I am glad that you found your way here and hope you find comfort knowing that you are not alone. (theEdge, I like your nickname...U2 fan perhaps? :)

I first came looking for info on JW's because my ex was giving me horrible time at the time and I needed to find out about custody cases involving jw's. I posted on the old H20, immediately AlanF and several others came to my aid, with info and encouragement. Thankfully I didn't end up needing the info, but what I ended up finding changed me, and my life forever.

I had never questioned whether or not the JW's had the truth. When I left, I figured I'd get a few good years before the big A came and killed me, and I was okay with that. I didn't want to live forever with any of the people who told me that the answer to living with my ex was "to be a better wife and pray more."

I was also so devestated by ths shunning; as we all are/were. When it is done 'correctly' (ie, by the JW book) it is pretty effective at bringing people back because as others have pointed out, it cuts them off from all their support especially if like me they were raised in and literally everyone they know and love and are related to are JW's.

What happened was though that as I began to find out the truth about "The Truth" (scully I can't get those little tm's to work still !) I started writing about my experiences with shunning. JW's do a great job of isolating people and that is part of why people are so afraid of being shunned.

The response I got to my posts was incredible, so many people going through the same thing and only other people in this position can possibly understand. It has helped so much and now I try to give a little of that back to those who are newly out. (if you want to see my old posts search the member name Esmeralda; I lost my old account info but the posts are there)

I have lost friends to suicide after they were df'd and I don't want to see that happen again if I can help anyone out there to know that it's not them, it's about control, it's evil, and that they can survive it and build a new life for themselves.

I am so glad that I didn't go back, because my child already has more, and will have more freedom in her future than I ever could've dreamed of.

hugs to all

essie

39

Shunning - what do they think they are accomplishing?

by mjarka911 in

jw
friends

a jw cousin of mine called my jw wife today and asked if i saw my new nephew from my jw sister.

my wife said "no, his family would never allow him to see the baby!

" (i'm da'd).

Fleur

Shunning is all about one thing: control. Control over those who try to leave, control over those who might follow; Control over the fears and emotions of their members is all that the JW's have to keep people in the cult now. It's not like they can 'recommend their lifestyle' by their joy and happiness, as the many suicides among JW's and the rampant depression and alcohol/prescription drug use among the rank and file demonstrate.

I actually consider it a protection now; their fanatical behavior is a good insurance policy that I won't go back. If they'd been kind and accepting and welcoming...they might have sucked me back in before. It wouldn't work now; but in the beginning, heck yeah, it would have worked on me. I still believed that they were right when I first got df'd for leaving a man who abused me and marrying a man who treats me like gold.

They accomplish in their own minds "keeping the congregation clean"; from the GB standpoint free thought is like gangrene; you have to amputate the offending limb in order to keep it from spreading.

But unlike gangrene, what they are trying to prevent the spread of is the knowledge of their dirty laundry; they try to prevent the spread of the facts, and the "truth" which is that you CAN leave the organization without becoming well, pardon the term, but a crackwhore. That is what my family expected me to become. They can't explain why I'm the only person, and I mean the ONLY person in the family with a) not only a happy life but B) a healthy marriage and a peaceful home.

Now, shunning because you don't think someone is a good influence makes sense. That's your right. But, do they really think someone will want to return to people who abuse them this way. Am I supposed to think "thank god they selfishly denied me seeing a newborn baby, I really want to be with these people!"
Isn't this like telling your wife "Come back and I'll stop hitting you."

I am so sad that you can't see the baby. I have missed out on many happy family occaisions since I left and it has been hard. But the reasons that I left became crystal clear when they said they would shun me at my grandmother's funeral recently; I realized as my relatives droned on about me 'returning to Jehovah and their lives" how empty their lives are. My aunt said "you can waltz back into our lives at any time." and she had this really creepy, stepford smile on her face. It was all about them, what they wanted me to do and be.

You have to be who you are. There's just no other way to live and stay sane at all.

I'm sorry you're suffering now. Maybe someday, you'll be able to think of it another way, and when they are unkind to you, you will just pity them.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

essie

10

After 6 Years My Mom Calls??!!??

by Gretchen956 in

rrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg.

partner: hang on, i'll get her for you.. i haven't heard from my mom in six years, my mom has told my family i am demonized (and she doesn't even know i'm pagan!!

), but she cut me off specifically because i am gay.

Fleur

Aww, I'm sorry about that Sherry. You know, I think that JW family members are kinda like dogs sometimes, they howl at the moon when it's in a particular orbit or a satellite goes over their house or something LOL. Or kind of like how cats will suddenly just run out of a room for no reason. They don't know why they do what they do, they just do it.

I hope the rest of your evening was uninturrupted peacefulness.

((((((hugs))))))

essie

10

What goes around, comes around ...... both ways????

by outbutnotdown in

jw
friends

when most people use that expression: "what goes around, comes around", it seems to be used more in a negative way.

for example, you find out bob just ripped off something small from work.

you and your co-worker don't necessarily want to rat on him so you use the famous "what goes around comes around" phrase.. but how often do we say it the other way around?

Fleur

Yes, I definitely believe it works both ways. I have seen it.

If you do good, you will find that it comes back to you in ways that you can't imagine. Whether that is just the balance of the universe or a law of averages or the fact that if you're kind to people long enough eventually the kindness will come back to you, Whatever it is, I have definitely seen it work both ways.

I also think that people who tend to create problems for others, also create problems for themselves, and in that case, what 'comes around' to them happens because of their own bad intentions leading to bad actions. There doesn't have to be any karma or universal balancing out of good and bad there.

Be as kind as you can to all you can, that's the way to go, I think.

Uzzah, it's wonderful to see you my friend. I have missed you. You too, Jankyn :)

love,

Essie

37

Steaming Angry - Forced to explain Shunning to my 5year old daughter!!!

by chok in

i am absolutely hopping mad angry!!!!.

to those of you who know me, you are aware that i have been fading for over a year now.

i have a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 2 y. in brief iast year i separated from my husband, left the organisation, met someone else and am now expecting with my new partner.. well i have had the usual ups and downs with my jw family.

Fleur

Ugh, my heart goes out to you. I have walked this road, and still have to, with my child.

My sister did a terrible thing to her; she didn't shun her the first few years after my df-ing, because she thought I would get reinstated. When I didn't, she got really angry and then suddenly cut us off cold. My daughter had been very close with her aunt and is grieving the loss like a death in the family.

My sister tried every avenue to get to my child to brainwash her, I had to put a stop to letting my child go visit my parents without me for example, because she would show up. But then, she cut my parents off too for not shunning me. She's a total 'elderette' and thinks she has a hotline to heaven and knows and sees all.

What she doesn't see is the damage that she has done to my child, out of which the only good that has come is that my daughter, now older than yours by a few years, doesn't ever, ever want to be a Witness.

i'm sorry that you have to go through this.

((((((((hugs)))))))

essie